Struggling with my almost 18 yr old son

[smurfegurl2]

hello all...I posted in the general parenting area and they gave me great responses but also recommended i come here so I am copying both my initial post and my response that gives a little more info. Any help/feedback is appreciated.

My son is driving me crazy! He is about to fail 10th grade for the second time and says he has given up. He goes to school but does no work. At one point the counselor and teachers set it up so we paid for after school classes that would have him caught up to graduate on time...he was excited for awhile then that disappeared and so did he. He was diagnosed with ADD around 9 and he currently takes Adderal regular only during school. He has had problems with school since 7th grade. Always the same thing...waiting until the end of the reporting period to do anything and just barely passing. He is quite the con man so he is usually able to con his way thru many thing but I think this is catching up with him. I know that he started smoking weed a little over a year ago and it seems sporadic. Generally he is very respectful expecially to other people. He helps with his little sisters and used to be good about getting his chores done except his room. He stays up all night on World of Warcraft (been a night owl since he was born) then wants to sleep the moment he gets home from school. the other night he decided to "joy ride" with my car while I was at work. When i got home a little after midnight and called him he strolled in an hour later saying he just wanted to get out. I smacked him. There was little conversation. He left that night but came back the next day. The two weeks prior we've been having these conversations about life, his future, his actions...just things in general...all for nothing. I don't know what to do. I've taken everything before. Didn't help. I'm lost.

 

[smurfegurl2]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I have thought about other learning disabilities/disorders and discussed with him that we need him seeing a counselor and getting tested. My family has a million and one psychiatric issues so it's not a stretch. I can see depression...he was a great basketball player then his younger brother (that wasn't as naturally talented) started playing, worked hard (the oldest stopped working at it) and now has a scholarship at a private HS for basketball. People frequently compare him to his younger brother and it sucks but we've discussed how to handle/move past it. I was racking my brain last night looking for things (in addition to job corps) and ran across bipolarism in children. While I didn't have much time to research it, he has always had terrible sleep patterns, has always been hypersexual (even for being a cute kid) and used to swear he saw ghosts in one of our old houses. All he can tell me right now is he hates working for something and still failing. As a parent I know that you can't put forth effort only at the end of the race and always succeed but since this has worked for him for so long, he can't get past it. He lies ALL THE TIME, even when he knows I know the truth. Conversation "me:I'm going to call the school tomorrow and have them send me your report card. Him: ok, Tomorrow is here...me:so did you get a report card him: yes. me: is this a real report card, and remember I have told y'all many times, if I ask a question I probably already know the answer him:yes...so he pulls out a non failing report card...then i pull out the real one. He just shrugs. Last week he told his teacher he couldn't do afternoon classes because i was being discharged from the military for medical reasons and he had to help with his siblings. Teacher said well let me talk to mom...tells teacher I am in Maryland so he will talk to me and tell me to call. That very night he gets home (I have already spoken with the teacher but she didn't mention the Maryland part until later) and I ask him what this is about me being discharged and he has to help at home. He says while I was away earlier that month he did have to help but the other medical stuff just came up, he never related the two. and oh yeah mom for some reason I thought you were still in maryland when i was talking to her????

I hate not knowing what to do to get thru to him/understand him/heal him...whatever. It sucks. I'll check out the other board as well but please do continue with your advice because I have no idea where to go or where to look. I don't want to lose my son.