Suspended from school


New Member
My difficult child was suspended for 1 day from school due to behavior last week. She was back for 1 day and out sick the next.

I got a call from the principal the day she was out telling me my difficult child would be suspended for an additional 5 days due to a "concerned parent" placing a call to the school indicating my daughter threatened to kill her teacher the day before.(the day she was in school)

Well I know by all means my difficult child is not perfect, but she does admit to what she has done when she's done something.

When I asked her about this, she looked completely confused. I honestly do not believe she said this. It was not phrased in such a way she would form a sentence.

I was never informed of the accusation, my daughter was never questioned. I was flat out told, so & so said your daughter said....of course no names were given.

I am in the process of trying to get her into a special needs school and it appears the school is doing everything in their power to keep her out until the new placement happens.

Does anyone know if they can suspend her without talking to either of us?


Active Member
It was reported by "a concerned parent" - what about the teacher she allegedly said it to? What about fairness and due process? I agree, it sounds like the school is trying to keep you out of the school.


Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Wow-I'm surprised they added a five day suspension based on what a parent said their child heard. It seems to me they should have spoken to her and you and possibly some other children as well. I would be on the phone with the principal. Does your difficult child have and IEP? If so you may want to also post this in the Special Education. forum as they may have more info. to offer.


Well-Known Member

Something stinks here. Nothing heard from the teacher substantiating this claim? The school suspending a child on heresay? Who is this concerned parent - a school board member or mayor. Geesh.

Laura, your child is not being treated fairly. Upon your request, Tiredmommy or one of us mods can move this post over to Special Education forum. You need to get some advise asap regarding the phone call and certified letter you will handling tomorrow!!!!!


just pm one of us to move this post.


Well-Known Member
I agree - something stinks. To not even call the child in to question her? Just assume that what some other kids is saying she overheard is reason enough for a 5 DAY :shocked: suspension!
Of an 8 year old!!! :shocked:


Active Member
My difficult child has been suspended 3 times in the last year, and both times he was spoken to about the incident, and the incident was either severe or heard or seen by an adult. There was an incident where he was mad at another student and threatened to bring a knife to school and stab him in the heart. This was reported the next day by a student. He was taken into the office, searched, and I was called. He had to have some sort of risk evaluation before he could return to school, by the school psychologist. He was only suspended for 2-3 days, but psychiatrist called the school to vouch for difficult child. He is full of hot air. He will fist fight, but nothing that requires a fully implememented thought out plan. I do think the rules are different if there is a threat of violence, especially after all the school shootings.

I would try to talk to the teacher. This sounds really funny. I hope you can get difficult child to a special needs school sooner than later


I would recommending calling a meeting (by written request) with the principal, teacher, school counselor and Special Education personnel. I would not just talk to the teacher alone. You need to have several people at the meeting as witnesses so you can truly get to the bottom of what's going on.

Does your difficult child already have an IEP?


Well-Known Member
Suspension of five days based on heresay? They never even question your daughter? Something is not right, here. I would call a meeting ASAP by letter. They school is walking on a very slippery slope and I wouldn't allow them to get away with it.


Well-Known Member
Per Laura's request, I have moved her original post here to this forum. She needs some help soon!

She also pm'd me with some additional details and asked to include that pm for additional information. Here are the additional details included in her pm:


'Thank you for your suggestion. My brain is so fogged up right now I didn't even think to post this in the Special Education forum.

There are more details to the story, but I was trying to keep it short.

The rest of the story goes like this...

Tuesday last week, my daughter got upset in recess, no one would play with her.

I might add her teacher, although superficially very nice, does not like her much, indicated by the things she says to my daughter and notes sent home.

At any rate, she was feeling unwanted & was crying. She went to the guidance office and also spoke to the principal. Well she couldn't get her emotions under control and all "attempts" from the school escalated her further. She was kicking a desk and telling them she hated them, that she wanted to die and wanted them to die as well. I had to pick her up from school that day.

Wed I had a meeting with the principal and a memeber of the child study team, she returned to school. Somewhere during the day, I'm guessing her teacher requested her to clean her desk. The result was the teacher telling her she was going to dump the desk in a box, embarrassing her. Of course this triggered her again. I'm sure you can tell she's extremely sensitive. Well off to the guidence office again. She made it through the day and came home and told me about it.

Friday she was out of school. I got the call from the principal the same day informing me she got a call from a concerned parent stating my daughter said, " I know Ms.... doesn't like me. I don't like her either. I know where she lives. I'm gonna kill her." Apparently this was supposed to have taken place after school the day before and was said in front of several children who were questioned.

My problem with this is she blurts things out, she is not known to form such a planned out thought, especially in anger. I've never heard her say such a thing and she's said a lot.

I do believe I should have been notified, she should have been questioned at least for self defense.

The short of the story is, I've had the child study team evaluate her, she has been classified as emotionally disabled, explosive behavior.

I've never had problems with her like this in school before, I believe the teacher is the trigger. I requested to have her moved to a different class & the school refused to budge. So I then requested to get her out of the school. That's where I'm at now. Only problem is they're dragging their feet and now they are doing what they can to keep her out of their "hair".

If it would help to add this pm to the Special Education forum, I'm ok with it, or if permissions do not allow, I will add for a complete picture.

But again, thank you, thank you, thank you for offering assistance. This truely is a wonderful site.
difficult child: 10yr/f: explosive/impulsive - major control issues; currently on Depakote, abilify, VERY CLEVER

Me: not home enough, on the ledge

husband: in hiding but getting better, afraid of what difficult child will do next

easy child: 14/F really trys to help with difficult child and has unique ability to ignore it all

d me with some additional details and asked to include that pm for additional information. Here are the additional details included in her pm:


I read your post when it was in General and now I have read the addendum.

What do you want to have happen that we can help you with? If she has an IEP, there are legal steps you can take. However it takes a really organized :warrior: parent to fight the school. I am not trying to discourage you--there are many parents here who are very effective advocates for their own children. We try to provide education and resources (links usually).

All changes in special education placement are prohibited AFTER the 10 day limit on suspension without "due process of law." It sounds as though your school is over the limit. If you want your child in school, you can probably make that happen. I think you are playing into the SD hands by taking difficult child out. Schools usually do not want our children--if we relieve them of the "burden" about all they think is, "don't let the door hit you in the b*** on the way out." There are exceptions, duly noted here with applause, but that is not the majority response.

I believe you need to sit down and think about what you really want to have happen--and then, if you want to tell us, we will try to help.



New Member
Thank you all for responding. Originally I wanted to keep her in her current school, just moved to a different class. Even up until this. I was fighting their decision to remove her from the school. I consulted her therapist who also believed it would be best for my difficult child to be placed in a special needs school. I still did not agree and refused to sign the papers.

But as this situation worsens, I believe it would be best for her to leave the school and start new. This has been going on for years in the home. The administration has known of her issues, mostly because they're the ones who called child protective services numerous times. The teachers and students have such a tainted view of her now, she does not stand a chance to be forgiven. There have been parents involved and have instructed their children to "stay away" from her. Both difficult child and myself have been told this. My difficult child does not have any friends and she is very social. I need to give her a chance to start new. She is working very hard to gain control over her emotions, but unfortunately with children forbidden to play with her, it's become another trigger with a new side effect. Worthlessness.

She is often singled out when something goes wrong in class, even if she's had nothing to do with it.

My questions are what are the proper procedures for dealing with a situation like this?

She has been evaluated by the child study team & been given a 504. Is this the IEP?

A member of the child study team suggested having her evaluated but the social worker said it was not necessary since she's had one already, not through them. I had this done several years ago. They decided at that meeting to classify her as emotionally disturbed and it would be best to place her in a special needs school. The subject was barely touched on how to help her, just remove her. The social workers exact words were, "If I could get her out of here tomorrow, I would"

I would like to get her back into school. I believe they suspended her unfairly. I plan on calling the superintendent tomorrow, followed by a letter. My only problem is do I have a leg to stand on? How do I convince them to reverse their decision and allow her back into school?

What is the child study team's responsibility? I do not know what questions I should ask or how to hold them responsible for difficult child's education.

I've been to the state's Dept of Education site, but it is vague. Please point me in the right direction.

Thank you again for the help. I'd be even more lost without this site.


Your SD is violating the law. If a child's disability is so severe that she needs to be removed to a restrictive setting, then she surely would qualify for an IEP. The reason SD give out so many 504 plans is they know there is no enforcement mechanism short of your filing in Federal District Court for violations of civil rights.

To help your child, you need to self educate very quickly. A good place to do this is This is my favorite website for parents self-education. In addition, there are archives on this board under Sp Ed about "getting started."

Rule #1 STAY OFF THE PHONE. So not call the superintendent. Nothing you say will be documented and if you "lose it" and cry or get angry, they will blame you.

Rule #2 Communicate by mail and SEND IT CERTIFIED RETURN RECEIPT REQUIRED. In this way only can you prove that your SD was notified.

If your daughter has not had a full case study evaluation that was reviewed by a team that must include certain people and YOU as a full participating member, then one needs to be done. The law [20 U.S.C. § 1414 et seq.] covers all aspects of evaluation components and who must attend meetings, etc
If your daughter IS Special Education eligible—it doesn’t sound like it –but IF, then you need to call an IEP meeting to consider her placement. IF you wanted to keep her where she is, that probably could be done by someone knowledgeable in the law using due process violations, manifestation determination, and “stay put.” However, it seems as if you want her to go to a special school. Have you visited it? Is there more than one option? When you have the meeting, don’t agree to a placement unless you have visited the proposed placement. Some schools/classes for EBD students are really bad. You need to look at what is being suggested.

If your child is very volatile and marginalized, you may want to keep her at home until something can be worked out. I don’t like the “feeling” of disregard for procedures and law from a SD that would suspend for 5 days without a hearing or paying attention to due process and based on hear-say.

Rule #3 Never go to one of these meetings alone. They are very stressful and you need someone to at a minimum take notes for you. It would be best to take someone who knows the law well—but short of that, you should not go alone. You must follow with a memo of understanding and SEND IT CERTIFIED.

Do not sign anything at the meeting-say you need to take it home and think about it. Don’t fall for “one time offers,” this is your child’s life—not selling used cars.
There are sample letters also in the archives that you can use by adapting to your situation.

Rule #4 Start a very good filing system and use it. You will need to be able to access all these communications in order to advocate effectively.

In the letter you write requesting either an evaluation or a meeting, also ask for a copy of your child’s entire school record. This is your right under the Buckley Amendment. The SD may not charge you for photocopying if it is a financial burden for you.

You must be a :warrior: for your child. If you do not advocate for her, no one else will.



New Member
Thanks for the advise and the link. I've been reading for a while now. I put a pot of coffee on, looks like it's going to be a long night.

As for your suggestion to stay off the phone. Very good advise. Although I am not one to speak out in anger, good thing you stopped me. Lord only knows what kind of damage I could have cause.

My letter is typed and in an envelope.

Thank god I keep excellent records. I have every piece of correspondence with the school.

I have a behaviorlist that comes into my home 2 hours a week as well as a member of the mobile crisis unit 1 hour a week. I am trying to reach both of them to see if they will attend the meeting with me, to translate the jargon into English for me as well as assist with their knowledge as I am a warrior in training.

I haven't read far enought to learn how long it takes to get the IEP. Is there a time frame? The meeting was on January 23rd.

I'm glad you are here as a voice of reason. Thank you for responding so quickly. I appreciate your concern and your direction. I know I've said it before, but I am so glad you are all here. Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted.


From the time you request a full evaluation by certified mail, the SD has 60 days to hold an eligibility meeting (which is called by different names in different states.)

If you met on Jan 23, and they found difficult child ineligible at that time, it is likely that the meeting had technical errors particularly if they did not inform you of your rights in writing to contest their decision--AND that you are a full participating member of the team.




Well-Known Member
Laura271, it's wonderful that you have other areas you're covering with your difficult child. The schools here in Texas are MUCH more willing to help if they know you're doing everything that you can do encourage proper behavior for your child. My son is a prime example. He's now being put into a social development class that he's needed desperately for a long time. They DO tell me that they are not a replacement for outside therapy, but to have reinforcement doesn't hurt. I wish I'd been a little more proactive from the beginning (he's been in this school since second grade, now is in fifth). I had no idea that social development classes even existed, but I wish I had. It won't hurt for you to call your school district's office and ask. Not every campus has such a class; my difficult child is going to be bussed, but he needs it so badly, I don't care. We HAVE to have some help before he starts intermediate school in the fall, however; he'll go into a social development class there, too.


New Member
Thanks for the tip. I didn't know social classes existed either. I will look into it as well.

The IEP is scheduled for Wed or Thurs. I will know for sure today. I also discovered I should have been given a parent handbook when these meetings first began. Just got it yesterday after requesting it.

I am forming my army of consultants at the moment. I've contacted my states advocacy group. Non profit thank god. I've assembled her therapists and all are ready to go. They will be coming to the meeting with me. I am trying to gain enough knowledge before I enter that meeting and what I don't know, someone with me will... fingers crossed.

Thank you all again for pointing me in the right direction and for the continual support. It's extremely comforting to know there is somewhere to turn when all looks bleak. I hope you all have a wonderful day!


Well-Known Member

glad being here has helped you prepare for this meeting. My difficult child's therepist also accompanied me to his first BIP meeting and his first IEP meeting. Not only did she know difficult child pretty well, but she had great recommendations and also lent a "professional air" to our side! Keep us posted!



New Member
Well, thought I would give an update. difficult child is no longer in school. I had the "IEP" meeting on Wed. The meeting was scheduled as such, but the 1st statement at the meeting was, "We believe it is in difficult child's interest she be placed and not return to this school." Blah, blah, blah.

They are not equipped to "handle" her needs. I believe it's for the best at any rate, I know I could fight it if need be, but it's not worth it. difficult child is viewed as a nuisance and is tolerated not welcomed. Not to mentioned, I am sickened by how difficult child was treated. Not by one staff member but quite a few.

It appears due to behavioral issues and not academic concerns, they are unable to provide an appropriate atmosphere. Does not seem to matter that the teacher’s behavior towards difficult child was inappropriate and setting her off.

Hat's off to mobile response team member who attended with me. She told them the meeting appeared to be a set up and felt that if this was the environment difficult child would be in, would be best to remove

It’s all for the best though. She will be home instructed through the district until I interview schools and make a decision. No word on how long it will take to find a teacher. Child study team claims it will take about a month for the papers to place her.

Her behaviorist will come 5 hours a week now instead of 2. The mobile response unit has offered to pay for activities for her so now she is enrolled in a cooking class and gymnastics. I’ve requested yoga…lol, for relaxing techniques and to help her learn how harness some of that pent up energy and sit still, even for just a minute.

Everything happens for a reason right? I believe it does. Already I can see the difference in difficult child. The anxiety about going to school is gone, although she wants to go to school, just not that one. No more fights about kids not liking her, teacher being mean, etc.

Yes I know I am on a honeymoon right now, but it sure is nice to have a bit of peace, even if just for a while.

If you’ve been following this saga, you will recall this all started with a suspension, funny how things change, huh?

The details behind that changed as well. Mrs. Principal claims that’s not what she said, hmmm, I have 2 letters with conflicting information. Guess somebody can’t remember what they said and should read what they wrote before opening her mouth. She also admitted to misleading me, as if that made it any better.

Right now I’m stuck on wanting the teacher to be held responsible for her actions and the trauma she inflicted upon difficult child. I am hoping that by writing this I will move past it and let it go. (fingers crossed)

Thanks to all for your support and being there when there was no where else to turn. It’s made a difference and helped me keep it together.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend…..


Active Member
I'm glad things are working out for difficult child's benifit; even if she is getting them because the school is illegal.