allhaileris
Crumbling Family Rock
I went to my first therapy session on Monday. I HAD to go because of a lawsuit dealing with a hospital induced injury and the PTSD that came with it, I really don't want to get into explaining that injury.
At the end of the session she basically said that my life has been the most stressful it's ever been or ever will be, and what do I do to relieve stress. Well, cr*p, nothing much because nobody will ever give me time. The only way to reduce stress is to not have to difficult children at home (daughter and husband, cause he's one too). I can't just run away. If I didn't have a family to take care of, I could find the time to have "downtime" which in my opinion is the only de-stressor for me. Those people who live with me won't ever leave me alone. Even if husband says "leave your mom alone" I can hear them in the next room.
So I'm wondering a couple things from you experienced parents, what do you do to help yourselves? And do you find therapy helping at all?
And I'm not talking about walk on a beach, take a bath kind of answers because neither of those help, I'm not a squishy girly-girl who likes flowers and pink. Watching a zombie movie or listening to punk rock helps me more. But those things aren't cutting it like they would before (I assume because of the PTSD and my thyroid). I *know* I should exercise, but have to deal with pain that makes it hard to do so (see injury above) and the fact I'm dealing with hypothyroidism now (just started medications, I'm more tired, waiting for increase in medications currently). I won't get a single ounce of being relaxed in anybody else's house, nor can I get those people to leave the house for like a month solid to let me relax in my own house (they maybe give me an hour a month, in my own home). I have no money at all to spend on myself, or if I do, I feel total guilt about it. I kind of feel like I'll never get de-stressed for another decade. Oh, and when I had the chance to relax a couple months ago when we went on vacation? husband screwed that up for me entirely by getting drunk on most the nights, making me responsible parent, as well as drinking all the drinks so I had none (he normally barely drinks too). Oh, and I work full time and husband is a SAHD. Did I mention he's a difficult child??
I really don't like talking about my feelings. I think it's one of the autistic traits in me. I'm too Vulcan. I can say I'm sad or depressed, but not this whole novel about why or how it actually makes me feel. The therapist asked if I was lonely. Nope, I wish I was more alone. Sure, I wish I had friends that lived closer (they're too spread out), but I get bothered when there are too many people around or for too long. I kind of just wanted her to say "yes, you have PTSD" and send a letter to my lawyer. She wants me to come in every week to discuss how I can fraking destress myself. I agreed to come in next week, but I really don't want to do anything at all. I just want some magic wand waved over me.
My husband won't ever shut up. I am fairly certain he has slight aspergers and ADD. Therapist didn't seem to understand I can't just make him shut up or leave me alone without majorly hurting him because he just doesn't get it. If this was one of your kids, how could you convince she or he to let you be? Is it possible at all? My daughter will actually leave me alone, as long as I let her watch TV or play her dress up doll game on the computer. But that's only usually if husband is home, if he's gone she usually wants to be glued to me, and I'll try to find us something fun or relaxing to do. I barely mentioned the issues with daughter and I'm guessing this lady doesn't have the slightest idea how hard it is to deal with my own issues, work, be mom to my daughter and wife to husband.
I kind of feel like the only way I will ever feel "normal" (in the sense of moods) is to not work at all, be able to cook, sew, garden, smoke pot all day (I do have a prescrip), go out and shoot photos, and watch as many movies as I could....by myself, all the time. Instead I work, work, work some more, cook when I don't feel like it, have a garden that needs tending, a camera that has been out of batteries for months, have to take many pills to deal with my issues, and never be able to watch TV as much as I want without getting a guilt trip from husband.
How the heck am I supposed to do this therapy thing? Is talking supposed to help? Because all it did was point out how s*cky I have it. I could complain forever and that'll never help a thing.
At the end of the session she basically said that my life has been the most stressful it's ever been or ever will be, and what do I do to relieve stress. Well, cr*p, nothing much because nobody will ever give me time. The only way to reduce stress is to not have to difficult children at home (daughter and husband, cause he's one too). I can't just run away. If I didn't have a family to take care of, I could find the time to have "downtime" which in my opinion is the only de-stressor for me. Those people who live with me won't ever leave me alone. Even if husband says "leave your mom alone" I can hear them in the next room.
So I'm wondering a couple things from you experienced parents, what do you do to help yourselves? And do you find therapy helping at all?
And I'm not talking about walk on a beach, take a bath kind of answers because neither of those help, I'm not a squishy girly-girl who likes flowers and pink. Watching a zombie movie or listening to punk rock helps me more. But those things aren't cutting it like they would before (I assume because of the PTSD and my thyroid). I *know* I should exercise, but have to deal with pain that makes it hard to do so (see injury above) and the fact I'm dealing with hypothyroidism now (just started medications, I'm more tired, waiting for increase in medications currently). I won't get a single ounce of being relaxed in anybody else's house, nor can I get those people to leave the house for like a month solid to let me relax in my own house (they maybe give me an hour a month, in my own home). I have no money at all to spend on myself, or if I do, I feel total guilt about it. I kind of feel like I'll never get de-stressed for another decade. Oh, and when I had the chance to relax a couple months ago when we went on vacation? husband screwed that up for me entirely by getting drunk on most the nights, making me responsible parent, as well as drinking all the drinks so I had none (he normally barely drinks too). Oh, and I work full time and husband is a SAHD. Did I mention he's a difficult child??
I really don't like talking about my feelings. I think it's one of the autistic traits in me. I'm too Vulcan. I can say I'm sad or depressed, but not this whole novel about why or how it actually makes me feel. The therapist asked if I was lonely. Nope, I wish I was more alone. Sure, I wish I had friends that lived closer (they're too spread out), but I get bothered when there are too many people around or for too long. I kind of just wanted her to say "yes, you have PTSD" and send a letter to my lawyer. She wants me to come in every week to discuss how I can fraking destress myself. I agreed to come in next week, but I really don't want to do anything at all. I just want some magic wand waved over me.
My husband won't ever shut up. I am fairly certain he has slight aspergers and ADD. Therapist didn't seem to understand I can't just make him shut up or leave me alone without majorly hurting him because he just doesn't get it. If this was one of your kids, how could you convince she or he to let you be? Is it possible at all? My daughter will actually leave me alone, as long as I let her watch TV or play her dress up doll game on the computer. But that's only usually if husband is home, if he's gone she usually wants to be glued to me, and I'll try to find us something fun or relaxing to do. I barely mentioned the issues with daughter and I'm guessing this lady doesn't have the slightest idea how hard it is to deal with my own issues, work, be mom to my daughter and wife to husband.
I kind of feel like the only way I will ever feel "normal" (in the sense of moods) is to not work at all, be able to cook, sew, garden, smoke pot all day (I do have a prescrip), go out and shoot photos, and watch as many movies as I could....by myself, all the time. Instead I work, work, work some more, cook when I don't feel like it, have a garden that needs tending, a camera that has been out of batteries for months, have to take many pills to deal with my issues, and never be able to watch TV as much as I want without getting a guilt trip from husband.
How the heck am I supposed to do this therapy thing? Is talking supposed to help? Because all it did was point out how s*cky I have it. I could complain forever and that'll never help a thing.