I have the older brother of your son in my world. what you wrote I could have written when he was the age of your son. so what are your options?
---let him come and go for a roof and food to recouperate from his episodes (hey at least you see him and know he is alive-then again, that is enabling his lifestyle)
----call the cops??? only if he is a danger to you and you have no other choice. believe me, the system CAN and WILL do something to stop him...my son is in state prison for 1-2 for his 4th DUI/following a checkered history of drugs and drinking since age 13. this will catch up to your teflon-don son. his next crisis is just around the corner, dont stand in the way, let it happen. if he gets to jail dont rescue or bail him out. if has already has two underage felonies, I am not sure why he does not have a probation officer or is not incarcerated in a facility already???
~~~~~~~~~~
from a NarcAnon Pamphlet:
Care enough to not care, while this sounds harsh, we cannot continue to worry OURSELVES sick over what they are doing or what is going to happen next. We have our lives to live too and only if we care enough not to care, we can begin to have a life of our own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
----ignore him? maybe so. he doesnt listen to you anyways and is a thief in your home and world. so treat him like he is a thief and NOT your son, that little boy you once knew. this is a new creature born of the drug abuse and mental illness.
----Set him down next time he rolls in. dont bother to do the strip search. say this:
You will be 18 soon. On that date my parenting ends. Please prepare as you will no longer be a resident of my home. I love you but must not participate in watching you self destruct. it will be less painful for me if I do not interact with you while you are acting like this. HOWEVER...if you choose to stop this, I will be here, I will only lift you up when you are also lifting up yourself. then ignore all his behaviors with a detached view. lock up your possessions, tell him he can only be in your home with supervision, do not let him have a key, block his windows so he cannot slip in. tell him after 18, if he is in your home, he will be considered as an intruder.
for you:
read these two books, free at the library, both changed my perspective and opened my eyes wide:
Codependent no more by melody beattie
Boundaries by townsend and cloud
go to a few NarcAnon and or ALanon mtgs in your home area, see a counselor to strengthen you. enjoy your own life, go out with friends, play music you love often, take comfort baths, try a hypnotherapist to help you relax- (I did and it worked magic for me!!)most importantly , hand over and entrust the care of your son to God, Nothing--not even your own son and his actions-is impossible for Him. he is the ultimate parent.
I left this forum last October when my son moved into state prison. I needed to learn more about his new life and have since been very active in a forum for Parents With Children in Prison. I still love my son. we have a new relationship. I have my life and he has his. I make my choices, he makes his. we are two seperate people. I am very much at peace. I have not lost my son and neither have you. he is yours for eternity. even if he or you dies, he is YOUR son. you do not own him, however. his life is his, and yours is yours. I stopped in here to make sure of my post of PSST and was drawn to your story, so familiar, I had to take the time to post. been there done that with my son. my son is now 24, has been thru it all. my actions never stopped his. When he does the right thing, he gets to see me or have me in his life, otherwise he is on his own. None of us can control another human being.
you can be at peace no matter what, too. strengthen yourself up and learn how to let him go. he will learn from his own life. you will be enmpowered knowing you re-took control of your own life and home. I now decide how much I will interact in his ADULT choices.
Go get it!