Things have been quiet until today.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Robinboots, May 18, 2010.

  1. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    GFG17 has been texting on occasion, asking for money - to which he's told no, coming by once in a blue moon, and that's about it. We've gotten a bit relaxed over the last couple weeks.

    No more. Tomorrow I file for an order of protection.

    The last few weeks he's been breaking into an old building on the farm, having parties - yes, alcohol - building fires, shooting out windows, etc. Cops say they can't "catch" him. Tomorrow I go chew them a new one for not flippin INVESTIGATING.

    Anyway, the last couple days he's been wanting $200 - well, maybe for a week now. I keep saying no, via text, his preferred method of communication. Says he's working 2 jobs, says he's staying with former foster parents. Also says he's taking an 8-hour class in the fall to be certified as an EMT and the money he "needs" is for a uniform and the book. Right. 'Cause I was born yesterday.

    See, he's NOT REGISTERED and has to be READMITTED to the school because he FAILED all his classes last fall. GE classes. Oh, and he INSISTS that he passed them all. Dude, it's RIGHT HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE. Fs.

    Today - as in the last few too - he's been wanting "his" child support. Said biodad is willing to support him, why aren't I? Well, apparently he told biodad some cockamamie story, because the SOB quit paying. We exchanged a few texts, ending with him repeatedly saying he'd be by about 11:30 for "his" money.

    He and a girl showed up at 2:45. They were both perfectly nice. At first. Then she went outside to make a call. That's when difficult child started in.

    We sat there for another 30 minutes while he hassled and harrangued me, called me every name in the book, accused me of all sorts of things, and said he'd leave when I wrote him a check. I refused.

    I kept telling him he had to leave. He kept saying no. He finally got up and walked to the patio door and opened it. I couldn't get him to go outside. I put my hand on his shoulder and his hand flew up so fast I jumped. He.would.not.move. He let the dogs out, they were confused and scared. A friend called, and difficult child was yelling all kinds of things like "assault", "abuse", etc. It was horrible.

    I grabbed the other phone and he said, "So, you're calling the police" and I said yes. He walked out the door and the gate, then called the dogs. One is old, and didn't hear him, the other was scared still but didn't know what to do when I called him back to the house. So difficult child grabbed his collar and took him out of the gate. I ran after them, grabbed the dog, and ran back to the house. Finally got me and one dog inside and locked the door.

    Then I fell apart.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am SO SORRY!!! Definitely file for the OP. Teach the other kids that if he pulls up they are to call 911. Not wait for him to come inside. Keep ALL the doors and windows locked ALL the time. Even if you are home. Do NOT let him in.

    Did you get your other dog back in or did he take it?

    Do you have a lawyer? You NEED to have one. Someone is feeding him stories about y'all having to give him child support if he is not living with you. I don't know the laws, but you will need a lawyer to help you fight if he tries to claim part of your income. If he files for welfare or other support then you will need a lawyer if they try to make you pay. Some states are weird about kids between 12 and 21.

    Sending lots of hugs. I know that must have been very scary.
  3. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Yeah, and my state is one of the weird ones! I'm a little better today, but still determined to file. AND talk to the police dept who handles the area where he's been B&E and vandalizing. And yes, I do have an attorney, two in fact, and we're all good in that respect.
  4. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Ohhhhhh. I agree that filing for a OP is a good idea.
    But having friends and family on that "side if the river",
    I know of the difficulties many have faced.

    First of all, and to the state's credit, they do have child related
    laws for OP/RO's on the books. But I can tell you that it makes
    things extremely difficult. Cases then get "adjoined" and it
    can be a nightmare getting through it all.

    I am hoping and praying that you did file a police report. If not,
    you should do so immediately. One, because you will need it
    when filing for the OP, and two because I am wondering if you might
    be able to go at "everything" in a different manner.

    I am wondering if your local police department might be able to
    assist. I am wondering how helpful they might be if you did file a
    police report and he was needed to be questioned about your
    police report and the other situations such as trespassing. I do not
    agree with the state's procedures and the lack of giving the children
    consequences, but I have seen the state really step up to acknowledge
    all information presented and then, and only then, follow the recommendations
    of every party involved.

    I wonder what position biodad plays into the story. Because if you can
    get him on board, even better, in writing and not present (grin), or
    very worried after talking to law enforcement about his son's behavior,
    he may be a very willing participant in getting your son the help he needs.

    I don't have all the answers for you, but in my humble opinion I feel Mo feels that
    1.OPs are not taken seriously, and for adults, many are ordered against
    both parties and violations are not seriously enforced.
    2.The state looks at child related OP's as a parent "giving up on the child".
    Now these are only my opinions in the St. Lou county and city areas.

    I hope that you can get everyone on board, with the same goal, for your
    difficult child. You might also want to get a good statement from your friend about
    his view on the disturbance. "difficult child was irrational, etc." Never be alone with
    your difficult child, always make sure there is at least one "unbiased" witness, and
    immediately get a phone number and name no matter where such incidents
    occur. Just like a car accident, you should immediately document all information.
    You want as much information about the "girl", or anyone else involved,
    as possible.

    I'd seriously talk to your atty's about your actual goal for your difficult child. I do not
    believe that an OP will achieve the goal for your difficult child, even though it will
    protect you. But remedies can be put into OPs, but I think "placement"
    by the legal system is a better technique, and will "look better" down the
    road for difficult child, since the courts made the decision in the best interests of the
    child at the time, rather than you. Good luck, you are in for a bumpy ride.
  5. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Oh, hon, I've been trying to get "placement" for this kid for two years. Now that he's 17, no one will do diddly. And it's taken 2 years to get "them" to see what he's really like. I did check the box on "order counseling" for the PO.

    That said, on Weds at 4 I was at the courthouse to file. Filled out the paperwork and waited...for THREE hours. Took that long for the gal to type it all up - well, mine and a bunch of others. My rear end still hurts from that hard bench! The temp PO was granted, court date June 10. That paper is with me at all times, and they said they'd fax it to my local PD and get difficult child served.

    Today, difficult child showed up. Walked in before my other son and his friend saw him, and I said: "You can't be here." He asked why, and I said because "the judge said so." He asked if I'd gotten a PO against him and I said yes, and he asked to see it. He looked at it, handed it back, said he hadn't been served, and left.

    Turns out he went to the PD and I guess asked them. They called me, said they hadn't received it. I was TICKED. Called county, they swore they'd faxed it Weds night, but they did again. This time the PD received it. Called the county where difficult child is supposedly staying, they have it, but haven't served him. I knew that. There's a website where you can check and get notified by email or phone. Not that I trust that!

    As for his BioDad - well, I have another word for him - I have an email ready to go to him, but haven't sent it. Best I can tell, difficult child told him I "kicked him out" and so he's stopped paying support. He's known for over a year what's been going on, but has stayed completely out of things - the court notified on everything while difficult child was on probation. He also met difficult child for the first time in August, the dingy caseworker set that up WITHOUT telling me. I am still pizzed over that.

    And I know a LOT about difficult child's cronies - I am an excellent Internet, investigator!