Things were alright, now I could use some advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by zba189, Oct 10, 2010.

  1. zba189

    zba189 Guest

    difficult child has been home from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and off day treatment for a week now. We were doing good, but it seems like he may have been honeymooning. He is back in school and we are waiting an appointment with neuropsychologist for testing at the end of the month. We were turned loose without a new therapist or psychiatrist appts until the first of November. We were moving right along, now things seem to have come to a stand still. How do I have any life, how do I cope when things seem like they are headed down the same path we were on two months ago?

    Here are the issues that we are dealing with (some are minor but when combined together it makes me wonder...): School anxiety- hitting himself in the face, throwing a pencil, chewing on erasers all while doing his work. Major meltdowns when it comes to homework- it makes me sad because he can easily do the work and he completes it. It's just the ordeal of getting it done every night. Negative self talk, this morning it was I should just kill myself over cereal. Yesterday it was I wish I would just die. A few moments ago it was I wish you would just kill me. Stealing food and trying to place the guilt on his brother (one of his major triggers). Pounding his head against the floor hard enough to leave a major bump (big enough that I worry about what I should do when I send him to school tomorrow). Fear of having to go back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)(well then stopped doing stupid stuff is what I want to tell him, but I don't because I'm not suppose to react to his behavior). Lying, when his mouth moves he's lying. Some of these things are new behaviors but a lot are the beginning of the reason he was sent to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Needless to say we are far from being stable.

    So here are my questions- what do you do when things seem hopeless? I just sent my son away for 2 months with the idea that things would not be perfect but better. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, it was the longest time without him- but I thought it would be worth it. That we would be closer to knowing what to do, that the medications that they prescribed would help the rage. He's on .75mg of Risperdal twice a day and he has gain 10 lbs. Now, instead of trashing my house because he's mad, he's trashing my house because he's hungry and mad. Things in the last week are not better, not even close and honestly it seems like I'm on a runaway train headed towards a disaster.

    The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said that I could call them if there was a crisis I could call them. I called today and the advice I got was, well it seems like his behavior is animal like- you'll have to discuss medications with the new psychiatrist in November. Really, ya think :mad:.

    In the two months that difficult child was at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), he was never in lockdown, never needed a PRN. Today we had to do both. Tell me how do I parent someone who when he does something wrong loses it before I even have the chance to help him. His biggest trigger is shame, but when he feels it he destroys things and hurts himself not hey I did something wrong I feel bad maybe I shouldn't do that again.

    What do you do when you feel like things are going to hover for the next 12 years and you're not sure you're going to make it through? (Yes, today I hit the wall).
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member


    first its going to be ok. it really is. it feels like right now life really sux bigtime and your just like why oh why did i bother ripping my heart out of my chest and sending this child away if he was going to return like this?

    what i've come to learn since placing my difficult child into the hospital very recently through the support groups they offer there. is that often when a child returns from any hospitalization they will once back in their environment try to return back to their old behaviors. hence a behavioral issue not a biochemical like we're used to handling. it sounds to me and i'm sooo not an expert that is what's going on by you now.

    is there any way for you to gain info. from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) about what their routines were daily? when he'd eat, shower, etc. than sit down after getting that info and see if you can incorporate some of that into his daily routine at home and if need be post the schedule. sounds absurd i know. yet that's setting clear boundary levels. in any hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) etc setting there are clear boundaries whereas at home for us our main focus let's face it cant' just be the kid. we either have other kids, gotta buy food,maybe work, do laundry.

    i was told even with my kids newest disorder eating disorder that once she returns she may very well revert back to her old behaviors. if i were you and i know it's hard i'd give those behaviors zero attention unless you feel that he will injure himself or someone else. he's been away from you a while right?? so he's probably craving attention as well however he can get it. he probably knows like my kids knows what lines send us as parents reeling and upsetting the "i'll kill myself" is def. one for me.

    just some thoughts i hope it helps.

    ((hugs)) hang in there