difficult child has been home from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and off day treatment for a week now. We were doing good, but it seems like he may have been honeymooning. He is back in school and we are waiting an appointment with neuropsychologist for testing at the end of the month. We were turned loose without a new therapist or psychiatrist appts until the first of November. We were moving right along, now things seem to have come to a stand still. How do I have any life, how do I cope when things seem like they are headed down the same path we were on two months ago? Here are the issues that we are dealing with (some are minor but when combined together it makes me wonder...): School anxiety- hitting himself in the face, throwing a pencil, chewing on erasers all while doing his work. Major meltdowns when it comes to homework- it makes me sad because he can easily do the work and he completes it. It's just the ordeal of getting it done every night. Negative self talk, this morning it was I should just kill myself over cereal. Yesterday it was I wish I would just die. A few moments ago it was I wish you would just kill me. Stealing food and trying to place the guilt on his brother (one of his major triggers). Pounding his head against the floor hard enough to leave a major bump (big enough that I worry about what I should do when I send him to school tomorrow). Fear of having to go back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)(well then stopped doing stupid stuff is what I want to tell him, but I don't because I'm not suppose to react to his behavior). Lying, when his mouth moves he's lying. Some of these things are new behaviors but a lot are the beginning of the reason he was sent to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Needless to say we are far from being stable. So here are my questions- what do you do when things seem hopeless? I just sent my son away for 2 months with the idea that things would not be perfect but better. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, it was the longest time without him- but I thought it would be worth it. That we would be closer to knowing what to do, that the medications that they prescribed would help the rage. He's on .75mg of Risperdal twice a day and he has gain 10 lbs. Now, instead of trashing my house because he's mad, he's trashing my house because he's hungry and mad. Things in the last week are not better, not even close and honestly it seems like I'm on a runaway train headed towards a disaster. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said that I could call them if there was a crisis I could call them. I called today and the advice I got was, well it seems like his behavior is animal like- you'll have to discuss medications with the new psychiatrist in November. Really, ya think . In the two months that difficult child was at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), he was never in lockdown, never needed a PRN. Today we had to do both. Tell me how do I parent someone who when he does something wrong loses it before I even have the chance to help him. His biggest trigger is shame, but when he feels it he destroys things and hurts himself not hey I did something wrong I feel bad maybe I shouldn't do that again. What do you do when you feel like things are going to hover for the next 12 years and you're not sure you're going to make it through? (Yes, today I hit the wall).