Hi all, I am slowly regaining my strength after a weird bout of illnesses which I believe started with suppressed depression over the holidays. The daily phone calls from Tornado in jail really got to me and just
immobilized me. I had to take a good hard look at that. It’s one thing going down the rabbit hole with enabling behaviors, another when the reality of a loved ones addiction and consequences infiltrates and well just plain
infects your very being. It is a toxic situation.
I don’t want to just exist the rest of my life, going through the day to day appearing strong on the outside, when really there is a festering mess inward. Like an old house that is well kept, but there is mold within the walls. I guess once in a while I have to shake myself from the inside out, get the feels out. If someone asks how you are doing, well, do you really want to know? Some days I could spew out the whole bizarre circumstances like.....not to be gross....vomit. Yuck.
I found myself at the park where Rain lives, pleading with her to seek medical help for her again badly infected ankle, she refused and quietly stated that she “made her choice.” Okay. Well. What can one do? Thought for a moment that trying to reconnect would awaken something in her, a spark, then realized I was putting myself in a dangerous place. No bueno. Regroup.
Tornado is out of jail, gone wild, and if and when caught will be back in court, jail for who knows how long this time? I have seen her Instagram selfies, one with a bandanna over her mouth like a gangster. I guess she is playing the role of a bad
. Huh. Meanwhile, I have her three kids for the summer, one laid up from a bad ankle break which required surgery and five screws. Do you think she called? Nope. The kids don’t speak of their Mom or Dad. It’s been three years since they have been left at paternal grandparents house. The most stability they have had, even though the house is overcrowded with cousins, aunts and uncles and they have had no physicals or dental care. Arrrrrrgh!
I have tried to get grandma to seek state insurance and help for their support but there is always some excuse. I get it, they don’t want authorities involved with the fear my grands may be placed in foster care. (Assumption on my part because communication is not the greatest). Meanwhile my food budget is blown because these kids can EAT! I love having them, but have to retrain them on house manners, cleaning up after themselves, etc. Needless to say, going back to work after summer “break” will be a reprieve!
I have enjoyed working in my garden, with beans, eggplant and squash going as well as herbs. I don’t grow veggies that we eat raw because of the rat lungworm scare here.
Son graduated high school and was accepted to a free college prep program for six weeks starting end of June. It’s like university boot camp where he will dorm for six weeks and get to know the campus and what college life is like. They have ZERO tolerance for alcohol and drugs. YAY! I look at this as a testing ground for him to see if this is what he really wants to do. He was able to write for and receive several scholarships that will pay his tuition for the year. I told him absolutely
no student loans. I think it’s crazy how much debt our young people accrue.
Hoku is moving out with her boyfriend and baby who is now two and absolutely adorable. I will miss them, but they will be close by and it is good they will have their own place.
Morning is waking with birdsong, time to get going and water the garden.
Hope you all are keeping cool with the summer heat. It is definitely warmer here, record breaking.
Love and hugs to all!
Leafy