I am new to posting but have been reading on this forum for a couple weeks. Or has it been months? I don't know. Since my sister's death in 2012, time stands still some days. I have a 29 year old son who has mental illness and learning disabilities. To look at him, you wouldn't know. He managed to buy his own house at 21, even though I tried to talk to the greedy realtor, who told me to bud out. Two years later his house was in foreclosure after he went to jail and lost his job. Since then, he's been to jail numerous times on probation violations. He owes the courts, fines, credit cards etc. He works through temp services until they do background checks and fire him. I am tired. Tired of laying awake at night worrying if he is going to be homeless or in jail. Or worse, kill himself. I am tired of being around my perfect family, with their perfect kids. I have a niece who is a nurse at a jail and my son is going to jail! My parents arent judgemental but the rest of my family is. I was the black sheep of the family. Pregnant and not married. They all have good jobs or at least married someone with a good job. I didn't even finish high school. I am an alcoholic, sober for over 20 years, so I should know better than to enable right? I have to go to a family reunion this weekend, after my son just told me he is skipping out on probation and heading to Vegas with his dog. He will NOT give up his dog. Said if the car didn't make it, he would make a sign and live under a bridge. He is tired of trying as he put it. A credit card company is garnishing his wages, so he couldn't afford rent on his apartment. I know he'll do it. He went to Florida a couple years ago. He knows he can't live with me. We have let him come home numerous times. He refuses to get on medication and he was caught banging his head up against the wall to "try to knock himself out" because he couldn't sleep the last time he was staying with us. I used to hear moms in recovery talking about being enablers to their older kids and I never thought I would be one of them! Why am I so sick?! My own mother watched me walk out the door at 18 and she did no enabling. Went on with her life. Recently she said it was hard but she knew she had no control. I just don't know how to be happy anymore and acting like my heart isn't breaking.