Sorry for the bad title, but I couldn't come up with better one. I'm a bit in the jam on how to define boundaries of confidentiality when your kid grows up. When kids are small it is of course easy decision (or at least was for me) that you don't keep any big secrets from other parent, not at least in the intact family setting. Of course there are more insignificant things my sons have told me with confidence that I haven't told to husband and I'm sure he has confidential discussions with them too. But bigger things we have always shared. Have you changed that, when kids grow older? I mean, as an adult people do have more right to privacy and tend to have a right to decide with whom they share their personal matters. And parenting certainly changes. difficult child is not having the best relationship with his dad right now. husband has been very short and impatient with difficult child for some time now and they have had quite a few rows. And difficult child is being apprehensive with his dad. difficult child has had a change on his medical situation and is in process to start medication for his mental health issues. He has talked about it with me quite openly and wanted my input and advise and I have given that to him. husband hasn't been much home during the last week and has been busy and quite stressed when he has been home and I haven't told him about difficult child's doctor's appointment or medication suggestion. Mainly because I haven't wanted to irritate husband with one more difficult child crisis, but I have also been thinking if it's my business to tell at all. I mean, medical matters are certainly something anyone would consider private and difficult child is an adult now. Just because he tells something to me, is it my business to share it with husband too? It can well be, that difficult child assumes I will tell his dad and doesn't even bother to tell him by himself even if he wouldn't mind at all that husband would know. And he hasn't asked me not to tell. Of course I could (and probably should) ask him, if he does mind if I tell to his dad, but I'm hesitating to do that, because that would bind me to his decision about it. If I don't ask, I can decide to tell husband (when he is in the better mood) or not to tell, because difficult child didn't ask me not to tell and because in past I of course would had told husband about things like this. What is your stance in this matter? To tell or not to tell?