Before I get hit with tons of judgment and blame, please allow me to give some background. I am a 46 yr old single parent (son is 21, daughter deceased in 2005 when she was 10) and I was asked to take my great nephew in when he was just 3 days old. My niece and he both tested positive for cocaine so CPS stepped in and wouldn't allow them to leave the hospital together. My niece's dad asked that I be considered to take the baby and he would be my right hand through it all. My niece's mom was deceased from a life of drugs herself (my half sister) so I agreed to take the baby. It was supposed to be short term while mom and dad get themselves together, get thru drug rehab, establish a residence and so forth. After 3 months CPS was ready to drop the case and mom and dad had already been arrested instead of getting their lives together. My niece's dad totally forgot that he said we were in this together so the sole responsibility of everything fell on me. So prior to CPS dropping the case they got court orders declaring me legal custody and visitation to be decided by me. Big problem. My niece has been a nightmare! She wanted me to bring the baby to her in drug infested areas and every other time she called she was shouting expletives left and right. At one time when my nephew was almost 1, my niece's dad got mad because I had by this time decided I wanted to go through a 3rd party visitation program/facility to cut down on the tension between my niece and myself. He and my niece went and took out false charges on me (I didn't know it was that easy) and it cost me over $1000 to fight the situation and get myself a gatekeeper order to prevent the false charges from her in the future. Prior to this she threatened to hurt, shoot, stab anyone that cared for the baby and more specifically everyone in my household. I've basically lived in anxiety since I got the baby. I've had to have restraining orders, press charges myself and nothing ever sticks or she simply doesn't go to court. It has taken a toll and while I have been able to care for him on my own, I can't keep up this pace longterm. I called DSS for help expressing my frustration and they initiated a CPS case on ME! Well, I got past that a couple months ago and now the financial is weighing on me. Mind you, back when the CPS case was active, they discouraged me from surrendering him due to the poor parenting of foster parents and the dangers he'd be facing. I've paid for countless consultations from family law attorneys and everything is gonna cost a bundle. I could spend thousands just to initiate TPR and adopt him just to have the right to put him up for adoption myself. (Seems crazy) If I surrender him to DSS the concern is that he'll end up somewhere worse or back with the family of his birth mom. The dad is absent and his family seems interested only when I bug them to be. I don't know what to do. I love him but a part of me feels I should surrender him now (he's 2) before he has time to really suffer from attachment issues (any more than he will). Help!!