Too near to a breakdown ... having a pity party

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, as if things weren't bad enough (you all offered me such wonderful support on the general board the other day) ... my broker was on the front page of the local paper, being investigated by FINRA, a branch under the SEC.
    I had just spent weeks gathering up all of my 81-yr-old cousin's statements and giving them all to this guy and his firm, thinking I was simplifying things but putting her money right where ours was.
    He is going through a messy divorce, and 2 yrs ago, half his firm left, and we assumed it was because of their disapproval of his affair(s). Turns out there was more to it ... financially ...
    and after husband and I decided to change brokers, my cousin's new broker gasped when I gave him a thick disclosure manual (seriously, the size of a dictionary) that had a disclosure of the same group that had placed the complaint with-the feds. I had taken a chunk of my cousin's $ and placed it in this questionable fund for 3 yrs, having been told it was like a fast growing CD. I can't believe I didn't see it (although who reads every page of those things?)
    Same exact fund that was on the front page.
    Still, why did I let them strong-arm me into investing even a penny of her money into something that wasn't 100% safe? She's 81 and needs to be totally liquid. I remember saying, "Can't I sign for 1 yr?"
    "No." "Two?" "No, it's 3 yrs. But it's 9%."
    Well, it left enough money for her to live off of for 3 yrs ... we had it all figured out. And if it had been something outrageous like a 50% return, I would have flat-out said NO. But 9% sounded reasonable.
    Except that it was the broker's own product. His name all over it. No one else's name. Dumb, dumb, dumb. d*G I am the most stupid person on the planet.

    I cannot imagine the gall of a group of guys (3 that I can name, and I will, in a complaint to FINRA--I already hired a lawyer) to use my cousin's $ and bamboozle me into giving them more--CASH--, when they didn't have enough to liquidate the accts they already serviced.
    I am so stupid. I have been beating myself up over this all week.

    I am ready to strangle them.
    Even if it turns out to be an "okay" fund (which I doubt), if I withdraw early, they can charge me an arm and a leg to get out of it. I looked up early withdrawals for "normal" CDs just to get an idea.

    Meanwhile, the majority (I think--right now I'm not sure of anything) of my cousin's and our funds were in "regular" investments, such as American Cap Pace, Wells Fargo, etc. and we have never had a problem liquidating, say, our 529 for our daughter's college fund.
    So those will transfer to our new brokers Mon and Tues. Those will be fine.

    This past week, I interviewed several, did research online (3 a.m., thankyouverymuch, because I couldn't sleep) and deliberately chose two unrelated brokers because I will never again put my cousin's money where ours is.

    She was a very good sport about it the other day ... sat at the table at the atty's ofc, scarfing down chocolates, all caught up in the drama of the front page story, so naive that she saw the expression on my face and said, "Oh, darling, any money of mine is yours to have. You never told me you needed money."


    I picked up difficult child from school and he was so combative he was even rude to my cousin. He insisted he come in to the rehab ctr with-us "Because if I come in, you won't stay long like you always do."
    He harrassed me all the way home and I was so fragile from everything else, all of a sudden, I coudln't function any more. I was stopped at a red light at a very busy intersection and I started to cry. I put the car in park, turned on the flashers, took off my seatbelt and opened the door. (I was parked next to a median, in the left turn lane, but difficult child hadn't noticed that.)
    He freaked out, immediately began to apologize, and asked me where I was going. I just said "Out," and he said, "But who will drive the car?"

    I settled back down just as the light turned green, and he spent the next few min telling me what a wonderful mother I was, taking care of him since he was a baby, buying him things, and he didn't really mean to be mean to me ...

    I went straight to bed.

    The two of us are much better today.

    I am waffling between hoping that my broker magically comes up with-our funds, or that he crashes his Bentley into his Jaguar in the driveway. Or that the feds freeze all of our funds, because even though we won't have access, at least it will all be safe.

    Oh, by the way, I went to a therapist. She spent the first 10 min talking about a local hospital that fired the anesthesiology group and hired a new one, which was bogus, enraging surgeons, who went to the press and said they were referring all their pts to a competing hospital ... front page news ... and she was trying to come up with-ideas about a psychiatric for my cousin, but said the only good one, who was a neurologist and geriatric psychiatric, was just fired by the same hospital ...
    Very interesting conversation but didn't help me much ...

    I now have appts for difficult child with-a new psychiatrist, because the old one is too status quo, and for my cousin, but both appts are a wk or 2 away ...

    I hate my life.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh cow patties! This has to be so stressful. How is that for an understatement?

    There is nothing like money problems to really make me freak out. Something like this would really be having me in a tizzy. I know now is not the time money-wise but can you just go stay overnight at the local motel 6 and unwind?
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Terry... {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

    I don't know what else to say but... I'm here for you.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    by the way, StepTo2, this would be me: Me - 37, situational depression
    Except I'm older.
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I once told someone that my mother has situational depression... then they asked, "Yeah, but isn't life just one continuous situation?" Some days it feels that way.

    I'm sorry about all the garbage that's going on, Terry. All I can offer is that this, too, shall pass. Hang in there!

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just hope it passes b4 my cousin passes away. I have to find a way to pay for the funeral ... and her shopping bills. ;)
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    That is horrible!!!!

    But please don't beat yourself up about not seeing it sooner. These con men are so good they can often fool the pros for years...

    I am so sorry that you were taken by this man.

    Hopefully he will get what is coming to him and you will get your money back--SOON!
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Dunno what else to do, but figure you can use them.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    You're going to snap soon if you don't get away. Please take care of you. You're very important to me. {{{Hugs}}}
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    When we had to pull what little we had left out of retirement I cried... not only because it had shrunk so much but because it is gone. It is so hard to try to look at any of this as positive when you get the people who say, "Well there must be a reason"!!! HA
    And then it starts feeling like even a day off isn't going to make you feel any better... I have no idea.
    I wish I could be more positive. We have always been the ones to help husband's sister, now it just seems like there are no answers.
    I hope you can get a recharge and it helps you continue to be able to be the rock.
    You are not stupid. You are a good person.
    You have too much on your plate and unfortunately you have no choice for awhile. Or so it seems.

    You really are a good person
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Terry...many, many hugs and lots of love headed your way. Try to take care of you.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry...
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of gentle hugs. These con men really are incredibly slick. It isn't your fault you got conned. It is theirs. I hope your lawyer and FINRA can help, and that it will work out well.

    I am very worried about you. Lately things seem to be dragging you further and further down, with no relief in sight. PLEASE find a therapist who will talk with you about YOUR problems, rather than what is in the newspaper. I think you should also see a psychiatrist for yourself. You are worn so thin, and are dealing with so very much with so little help from anyone. You just cannot cope with everything all the time. No one can. If you cannot get into a psychiatrist in the next week or two, it might be a good idea to go to Motel 6 for a few days. Don't give husband the motel location. Keep your cell phone on silent. don't check in daily. They can and will muddle through for a few days. Take tea and snacks and order in. be SURE to indulge in some truly sinful treat while you are there. Favorite rich dessert or small container of body lotion or bubble bath or whatever.

    As my mom used to say: Motel 6 is a LOT cheaper than a psychiatric hospital.

    Honey, if you don't get a real break soon you may well have a real breakdown and end up in a psychiatric hospital. PLEASE take time to pamper YOU.

    Yes, the financial stuff is a huge mess. It won't be fixed overnight or even this week, most likely. So take the time and do whatever you need to start feeling better. You are just stretched WAY too thin right now.

  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It is so hard to try to look at any of this as positive when you get the people who say, "Well there must be a reason"!!!

    If anyone tells me that, I will sock them in the jaw. :mad:

    I discovered today that the firm declared bankruptcy on that particular acct several months ago ... and they still took my money!
    This is going to look really good in court.
    And I know, it's going to take mo's and yrs.

    I think my cousin has already forgotten about it. Not sure. I'm afraid to bring it up. Plus, it's only been 48 hrs since I discovered I had invested in "that" acct.

    We are mtng with-difficult child's teachers and resource dir on Tue because his interims just came out.
    We are mtng with-our new personal broker Tues, as well. (Not my cousin's; this one is our family broker.)
    I am painting furiously to prepare for a show at our local art gallery gift shop. They have ladies' night out once every few wks and I'm the featured artist. It's good stress, though.

    Sat difficult child was feeling so guilty, he came into the bedroom and just sat by the bed with-me. I mumbled, "Can you make me bacon and tea and a bowl of cereal?" fully expecting him to say something awful and slam the door. I was prepared to roll over, put the pillow over my head, and cry.
    "Sure," he said. And about 10 min. later, I smelled the bacon. My little sister called me and we talked for about 20 min, during which difficult child surprised me yet again by serving the bacon to me in the hallway at the phone.
    O M G !!!!!
    Surprise isn't the right word. "SHOCK" is correct.

    Of course, I couldn't hug him, because he'd freak. I always have to ask permission, and then it only can last .5 sec.
    But right now he wants his shoulders rubbed so I'll take advantage of that. Sigh.

    husband and I went to a fundraiser for the same art ctr. It was at a private home and the theme was Wine Tasting Through France. It was a blast. I really needed it. Luckily, I can't drink red wine (migraines) so I had to forgo the last two rounds, which was just enough to prevent me from having a hangover from the white wines. :)

    I went for a nice, long walk today.

    Just keep swimming ...

    Thank you all for being here. I really, really appreciate it.