BusynMember
Well-Known Member
by Sherrie Eldridge
This book was recommended to me by a post-adoption specialist and I read it with a little dubiousness. When I sat down to discuss it with my twelve year old daughter, asking her what she thought of the various points, she agreed with everything in the book, even that adoption is a "Special Need" and that adopted kids are far more afraid of abandonment (and the other issues addressed in the book). She confided in me, since we are frank about adoption, that she thinks about her birthmother and being adopted every day even though she loves us and thinks we are "great." I was shocked. Silly me, but I didn't realize how much adoption affects a child. Next I called my grown daughter who got into drugs, and she also agreed with the book, but also said that she sees things differently with the passing of time. She wants to find her birthmother, but isn't ready yet. She has the information to find her in Korea (it's not that hard anymore). She agreed that she always had a huge fear of abandonment and that she felt that she was given away because she was in some way defective. (Younger daughter said the same thing, and cried when I asked her). The insight and advice in this book are invaluable. I have always been very open about the adoptions with my kids, and we talk about it a lot--there are no secrets--and I don't get into a hissy fit if the child slips up and says "my mom" about her birthmother. My kids really do have two mothers (that is also in the book...lol).
At any rate, it helped me see the world through the eyes of my children. it is a very informative and encouraging book. I got it at the library, but I may buy it on Amazon because I want to refer to it whenever I'm not sure what is going on with my youngest. We are so incredibly close (me and BOTH daughters). It hurts me that they have this extra issue to deal with, but now I feel more empowered to help them in a productive way. My youngest has the advantage of knowing what both of her birthparents look like.
Anyway, just thought I'd share with anyone who may be interested. Told me more than I'd ever have guessed. (I also asked a 50 year old friend of mine who was adopted if all these issues were valid, and she gave the book ten thumbs up and said she wished her adoptive mom had known all this.)
Why am I always so wordy? Have a good night
This book was recommended to me by a post-adoption specialist and I read it with a little dubiousness. When I sat down to discuss it with my twelve year old daughter, asking her what she thought of the various points, she agreed with everything in the book, even that adoption is a "Special Need" and that adopted kids are far more afraid of abandonment (and the other issues addressed in the book). She confided in me, since we are frank about adoption, that she thinks about her birthmother and being adopted every day even though she loves us and thinks we are "great." I was shocked. Silly me, but I didn't realize how much adoption affects a child. Next I called my grown daughter who got into drugs, and she also agreed with the book, but also said that she sees things differently with the passing of time. She wants to find her birthmother, but isn't ready yet. She has the information to find her in Korea (it's not that hard anymore). She agreed that she always had a huge fear of abandonment and that she felt that she was given away because she was in some way defective. (Younger daughter said the same thing, and cried when I asked her). The insight and advice in this book are invaluable. I have always been very open about the adoptions with my kids, and we talk about it a lot--there are no secrets--and I don't get into a hissy fit if the child slips up and says "my mom" about her birthmother. My kids really do have two mothers (that is also in the book...lol).
At any rate, it helped me see the world through the eyes of my children. it is a very informative and encouraging book. I got it at the library, but I may buy it on Amazon because I want to refer to it whenever I'm not sure what is going on with my youngest. We are so incredibly close (me and BOTH daughters). It hurts me that they have this extra issue to deal with, but now I feel more empowered to help them in a productive way. My youngest has the advantage of knowing what both of her birthparents look like.
Anyway, just thought I'd share with anyone who may be interested. Told me more than I'd ever have guessed. (I also asked a 50 year old friend of mine who was adopted if all these issues were valid, and she gave the book ten thumbs up and said she wished her adoptive mom had known all this.)
Why am I always so wordy? Have a good night