Typical teen behavior or instability?

[Californiablonde]

I don't know if difficult child 1 and her horrible attitude is due to teenage hormones or if she is starting to destabilize. I know one thing and that is that this year she is hanging out with a bunch of boys and her language has become awful! I believe these new friends of hers are influencing some of her bad behavior, although I know that some of it can be attributed to her typical difficult child behaviors. She was stable for awhile but this year seems to be worse and now she's cussing terribly when she didn't use to. She tells her brother to shut the f**k up, sticks up her middle finger at him, and calls other people names at school. She is saying the F word left and right, although so far she has never said it directly to me but she says it around me ALL the time. She is also using these words around my mom and she is mortified.

She has also taken to screaming at me and telling me to shut up when I make simple requests. Just this morning she screamed at me to shut the hell up when I tried to get her out of bed. I had already given her a few extra minutes to lay there after waking her up but she wanted more time. It came down to the last final minute where we absolutely had to leave or I would be late to work. (My supervisor is currently mad at me and I knew she would yell at me if I was late.) I tried to calmly get difficult child out of bed only to have yell at me and tell me, "God you're so annoying." I was beginning to run out of patience but I tried to stay calm. She then yelled at me again and said, "Don't you ever shut the hell UP." Finally she begrudgingly got out of bed and I ended up making it to work on time.

These kind of mornings are becoming more and more frequent. She is now making excuses like, "I'm bipolar and I have every right to behave however I want to because I can't help it." She also makes up the excuse that she is a teenager and therefore she is allowed to be rude because "Isn't that how all teenagers are?" What's worse is she never displays this behavior with her dad. I get the absolute worst of it. I can never make her dad aware of her behaviors because he will turn it around on me and say that I'm obviously the bad parent. How do I deal with this? I don't know how to correct these behaviors. Is she a hopeless cause? I can no longer punish her by taking away her cell phone because when I try to grab it she pushes me or hits me. She is bigger and stronger than me. I have no idea what to do with her. Right now I'm just clueless.

 

[TeDo]

My guess, these friends are a REALLY bad influence on her AND her hormones are messing with everything (including medication levels) AND she's trying to assert her "adult" independence AND I would be very suspicious of drug use of some kind. As much as we hate to admit it sometimes, it is all too common for difficult children to self-medicate and/or "follow the crowd". That's JMHO.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'd be guessing some combo of "self-medicate" plus... sleep problems.
If a teenagers body clock gets out of sync with the world... they end up with HUGE sleep deficits... and THAT causes behavior problems where none otherwise exist and makes any existing ones much worse...

 

[Californiablonde]

It can't be sleep problems unless you consider sleeping too much to be a problem. Her Geodon makes her crash out at 8:00 and she sleeps all the way until 6:30. Lack of sleep is definitely not her problem. As far as the self medicating I would certainly hope not but I wouldn't necessarily put it past her either. I have taught her about the dangers of drug use extensively and she has watched shows like Intervention and Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab with me and she has seen firsthand how drugs can really screw somebody up permanently. I know that once teens are actually confronted with their peers taking drugs and offering them that it can be a whole other story. I work at a high school and I see it all the time. She also used to be grossed out everytime a boy talked about sex in front of her but now she enjoys it. She is always coming home telling me about how some friend of hers made a sexual joke or reference and she tells me she thinks it is hilarious. She used to be offended by it but no more. For a time she was throwing up every morning and she missed her period for three months so I just HAD to ask her if she could possibly be pregnant and of course she denied it. If she was lying to me and if she was actually having sex I have no idea where and when she would find the place and time to do it. She is always at school, daycare, or home with me so I don't really think she has much of an opportunity. She did ask me a few weeks ago if you can get pregnant if a boy gets on top of you but no sex and I'm wondering why she would even ask me such a thing. She is going to high school next year and I'm afraid she will have even more bad influences surrounding her. She will be in all SDC classes except art. She will be hanging around kids with various mental/emotional disorders for most of the day. I just hope and pray that she finds some new friends that are a good influence for once.

 

[AnnieO]

A lot of pharmacies carry home drug tests. Buy one. Seriously.

My Onyxx is bipolar and decided to self medicate with whatever she could get her hands on, despite knowing the dangers (she did not care). And her behavior was much like this - and her bio mom said WE were causing it because she was always "good" over there. So don't expect difficult child's father to admit she's not being "good".

Onyxx took whatever people gave her. Can anyone say dangerous?! Your daughter is using her bipolar as an excuse. It's not a good one. And you know something's up...

 

[DaisyFace]

CaliforniaBlonde--

Sorry to say - but kids CAN and DO have sex at school. (yep - mark my daughter down as one of those) They also are not waiting to develop any particular relationship (such as boyfriend-girlfriend) before engaging in sexual acts. If she's asking about whether certain kinds of touching and rubbing can cause pregnancy, I would be VERY worried...

Also - hormones cause a lot of things, but they DON'T cause curse words. And clearly she can control herself enough to use nice language in front of other people - so she is CHOOSING to disrespect you. Do you have to wake her up in the morning? Can't she get herself up for school? Is that a responsibility you can put on HER shoulders?

 

[Californiablonde]

Kids having sex at school...yikes! Although I'm sure it happens it's just a scary thing to have to think about.

I can not let her get up on her own because she is a very heavy sleeper and will sleep right through two very loud alarms going off at once. I
share a room with her and I set two alarms and she sleeps right through them. I know she is really sleeping and not faking it because I can tell by her breathing. She is definately sleeping. If I were to get her up in the morning then leave for work she would be truant every day. I see it all day long at my work. Parents leaving for work and trusting their kids to go to school on their own then the kid shows up several hours late, if at all. They continue to be truant day after day and their grades are greatly affected by it. Oh and the parents get in trouble for their kids missing school. difficult child would get in bed and fall right back to sleep again unless I drag her (so to speak) to the car myself. I simply can not trust her to wake up on her own. Right now she is impossible to deal with and I hate to say it but sometimes I wish she would hurry and grow up and move out! I feel bad for saying it because most parents want their kids to stay children for as long as possible and say "Awwww my baby is growing up SO fast." Well not in my household. The faster they grow up the better. I'm saying this at risk of sounding like a really bad mom right about now.

 

[susiestar]

Bipolar is one of the disorders most likely to self medicate. The first question many sub abuse counselors/workers ask in this area is if you have any history of bipolar or of manic or depressive episodes. they also ask about any bipolar in the family tree. one sx of bipolar is hypersexuality, also, so that might contrbute to the changes in her.

you can use your illnesses to excuse behavior or to give you a reason to work harder. push her to work harder. adopt 'do to get' and make it harsh and consistent. everything she wants has to be gotten after she does something to earn it. period. i like the line I read in an interview in a food magazine recently - those who eat, work. make it real for her.

She is disrespectful of you and not her dad because she knows you love her and won't stop, so she feels she can do whatever she wants. She isn't so sure of daddy. BUT that is not the way to treat soemone you love and who loves you. So start making her earn everything above the abso mininum required by law.

 

[DaisyFace]

Sorry - she cannot sleep through ALL alarms. Try this:

http://www.the-perfect-present.com/Pages_SCRM/Screamin_Meanie.html

(As you can tell, I do not accept "I slept through my alarm" as an excuse)

Also, it is FAR better to think about what to do about the possibility that your daughter is currently having sex than finding out you have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy! If she's not on birth control - it's probably time to look into it...

 

[BusynMember]

Well, I've raised a few typical teens and a few difficult children. It's typical teen to cuss with friends. It is not typical teen to cuss at parents often (can't say never) or stick your middle finger up at them or scream at them all the time. That's difficult child. It also is probably substance abuse of some sort and, yes, sex could very well be part of it. From what my daughter tells me, eleven and twelve year olds are having oral sex. I was shocked at first, but not anymore. And, yes, it can happen in school (my daughter mentioned the staircase, the playground...this is my daughter who is very much a typical teen and always thought it was gross and I believe her. She does not lie to me.)

in my opinion it is imperative to find out if she is using drugs. This may mean you have to check her face book and cell phone and her bedroom when she's not there, etc. If her friends do drugs, she probably does too. Like seeks like. My typical teen hangs around with typical teen and shuns anyone into drugs or drinking or even heavy partying and thinks girls who have sex are (fill in the blanks). My difficult child hung around with drug addicts who had no ambition and were always in trouble and were known by the police (as time went by, so was she). Their friends tell a lot about them, and you can't really blame the friends. At least I didn't. After all, SHE picked them. I did, however, try very hard to keep her away from them (it didn't work, but I tried).

My daughter had a bipolar diagnosis. too. When she quit using drugs she mysteriously quit having bipolar behavior. If she was recently diagnosed, be careful. It could just be substance abuse...of course, not for sure, but it could be.

Keep us updated!

 

[Californiablonde]

Getting a drug test is a good idea. Thought about getting a pregnancy test too. Right now I can't afford either. She is definitely bipolar. She was a bipolar infant (of course didn't know it at the time, just knew something was way wrong) and she was a bipolar toddler. Was officially diagnosed at age six. Had major rages and hallucinations and wouldn't sleep barely at all. Put her on bipolar medications and once we found the right combo most of her behaviors disappeared. There is no doubt in my mind she is bipolar. As far as drugs are concerned, we share a room so she wouldn't be hiding them there. There is a possibility she could be doing them at school or the B's and G's club and she has admitted that several people she knows smoke pot. When I get paid I am going to look into the drug testing thing. Hopefully I'm wrong but it would explain alot of her behaviors lately.

 

[BusynMember]

Well, if daughter has hallucinations, yes, I would agree that it is bipolar. I'm really sorry,and I hope things improve for you and your daughter. Drugs that are not prescribed can make things worse...so I pray for you that she is not using any.

 

[Californiablonde]

I used to do drugs in my early twenties and I know the signs. I am not proud of being a former addict but I am proud that I am ten years sober. I really hope neither one of my kids follow my foot steps and travel down that road. Both kids have extra reasons to want to self medicate and I worry about it all the time. A drug test is definitely a good suggestion. As soon as I can afford it I will buy one. (Does anybody happen to know about how much they cost?)

 

[AnnieO]

It depends on what you are testing for, but at our Walgreens they run from $15 for THC (marijuana) only to $60 for about 10 different things.

 

[Californiablonde]

I can afford the $15 but definitely not the $60. Ouch! I guess marijuana testing is the cheapest way to go. I'm pretty sure she is not using a stimulant because she is sleeping well and I used to use illegal drugs so I know the signs quite well.

 

[TerryJ2]

Just sending hugs.

 

[AnnieO]

Just a caveat... These won't pick up spice or bath salts.