Ugh

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tryingtobreathe, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. tryingtobreathe

    tryingtobreathe New Member

    Difficult Child snuck out of the house last night and was out till 5:30 am. We drug tested him. He tested positive for pot. We called the police. They came over but told us that there is nothing they can do. That consuming pot isn’t illegal but possession is. This makes no sense to me. These were a bunch of kids who smoked pot (illegal in our state) supposedly in someone’s house and nothing can be done?? They told us that he has behavioral issues and that the next step would be for us to call CPS (child protective services). We are at our wits end. His behavior just never stops. We’ll be calling CPS this week

    On a funny side note. We took his phone and one of his friends sent him a text “fun times last night”. I responded “this is Difficult Child’s Mom. A little too much of a fun time. Difficult Child tested positive for pot. We filed a police report and gave them everyone’s information “. Not true, but I couldn’t help it and figured...let them all sweat it out
     
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  2. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    But pot is illegal everywhere for people under 21, right?
     
  3. tryingtobreathe

    tryingtobreathe New Member

    That’s what I thought too. I have a lot of respect for law enforcement but that interaction left much to be desired
     
  4. LookingForPeace

    LookingForPeace New Member

    That's just like the cigarette rule. It's NOT illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to smoke cigarettes. But it IS illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to buy them.
     
  5. tryingtobreathe

    tryingtobreathe New Member

    I just hate that I feel like our hands are always tied and he knows it.

    Now he is refusing to start the job that he finally got at Subway. He doesn’t feel like working.

    I did tell him and the police that there may not be much I can do now, but he won’t be a minor forever. They seemed annoyed that I called. Too bad. He’s doing drugs and I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing
     
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  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In many cases the cops tell you things like this so that they don't have to deal with the paperwork and the court appearances. It actually is generally illegal for a minor to be under the influence of an intoxicant no matter where they are. Heck, you might try asking your child to go and get something out of your locked car. Then tell the officer that he is now in legal operation of a vehicle, so he needs to be arrested. After all, you can get a DUI if you are asleep/passed out in your car with the keys in your pocket.

    You can also contact the chief of police or the DA to find out what the law truly says. Chances are you would get a different story about what the law says from each officer who responds to your call. Mostly they don't want to deal with kids because it is a bunch of paperwork for no real punishment or payoff. If the parent files the charges, all too often the parent later is upset with the cops for charging the child. Yes, this is the reality that cops face. So cops come up with these "reasons" or "interpretations" of the law that let them not do anything on minor charges when they have to deal with minors who are at home already and are not physically harming anyone.

    Your best bet to get something done, to get some help or resources, is to go to the courthouse and talk to the court clerk about filing a CHINS petition (child in need of supervision). If this is granted, your child will get a probation officer who can order drug tests, give him time in juvenile jail, etc.... You would call the PO if you have problems. If problems happen on the weekend, you would call the cops and then tell them that your son already has Mr. XYZ for a PO.
     
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  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    It's illegal in IL and WI for a minor to be in possession of smoking materials, including vaping materials. It's only a ticket for first offense (last I heard).
     
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  8. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    I called the cops three times on daughter. Last time she was obviously drunk (she was 18 at the time). The deputies flat out told her that he could smell alcohol after she denied drinking to them. They told me they can't do anything if they are on private property even though she was under legal drinking age.
     
  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Laws vary state to state on whether or not a minor can drink private property. There's also a sort of exemption for "respectable families" on "certain holidays".

    i.e. I've never heard of a cop in the North Shore suburbs, which have a large Jewish population, arrest the parents of children who have 4 sips of wine during a Passover Seder, even though in IL, it's illegal for parents to serve their children alcohol even in their own house.

    In fact, when I was growing up, I had wine at many Jewish holiday dinners. At the Seder, when the ritual calls for "drinking 4 cups", most adults drink sips, as most Jews are moderate drinkers, and 4 cups of strong Kosher for Passover wine would knock them on their butts.

    I got drunk once as a child at a Seder by drinking the dregs of every one else's wine. I still can't stomach Mogen David.

    The law has changed several times in my time in WI, and I do not know what it is currently.
     
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    That made me laugh GN and I needed and I needed a laugh today.
     
  11. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I'm glad you got a laugh out of that. I was 5 years old and to this day I remember not only how sick I was that evening, but how miserably hung over I was the next day. When you can remember a hangover from 50-some years ago...
     
  12. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I remember my brothers getting me drunk when I was 13 and that was bad enough. Ya great brothers.