Update - I have been slacking in support

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hi everyone. I have been checking in randomly reading the board. I haven't been actually logging in. I want you all to know I'm keeping up with you all. I don't have much in the way of spare resources with which to offer support at the moment. Things should improve after this week ahead and I'll be glad to be back with you all.

    My fathers sentencing is this coming Thursday. S/O and I head out of town Wed. and will return Friday. I am busily correcting grammar and wording of my victim impact statement and I am finding that tough. I am not good at public speaking and in such a nerve wracking environment I imagine it will be harder than normal. I really hope to be able to read it myself. The crown attorney can and will take over reading it out for me if I am unable which is helpful to know.

    My aunt will be giving her impact statement as well. My former step sister has informed the court she cannot attend due to PTSD issues. I hope she was able, for herself, send a impact statement. I truly believe it is a huge step in healing. If she doesn't that is okay obviously. I just hope she doesn't regret it later whih is all that matters. I don't know about anybody else. I'll see firsthand this week I guess.

    I was notified yesterday that the minimum penitentiary time asked for is now raised to four years. The judge may decide that isn't enough and I am
    Hoping he increases the sentence.

    The paperwork is formally submitted for the guilty plea to all charges. I feel relieved as there is much speculation that he may take matters into his own hands and "check out" so to speak, rather than accept incarceration in a federal facility. He has never down serious jail time and never a federal
    Facility. He is mid 60's and health isn't great. He isn't a fighter and I'm
    Sure he knows defending himself, even in protective custody, won't be easy. Especially since his kind are te most loathed in the prison system and are actively targeted once inmates
    Know a persons convictions are sexual in nature against children.

    If he does turn up with a pulse, there is some sort of plan afoot that involves asking him to name and accept responsibility for his lifetime of victims. This would give him a promise to not charge him for those offenses but would offer his acceptance of guilt to other victims that he is not under charges for. We shall see. We are hoping he will admit paternity of my older sister even if he doesn't accept responsibility for assaulting her mother and causing the pregnancy. That would for sure help her emotionally. All in all, there is a lot to take in this week.

    Surprisingly I slept well last night but nerves are setting in and I'm just hanging on. Focusing on the fact that this is coming to an end, closure, and after all of these years, decades, that is a good focus to keep going with.

    Meanwhile I have had upsets with easy child's father and this ridiculous filing for custody to move her away with him. She apparently became angry with him the other night and forced him to hear that she will never move with him. Apparently he said first of she didn't want to move he would stop court action. Yet that hasn't happened and even she told me and SO last night that she can't imagine he will let go of court. Isn't that sad?

    I'm tired and weary and really just am
    Glad one major thing is wrapping up this week. I am however not at all looking forward to this week and I wish I could pull a blanket over my head and just get a call from the crown attorney telling me how it went and otherwise shut it all out. I'd refer it later so I'm just doing my best to relax, not dwell (not so easy), and get through it.

    I'll be grateful for the coming weekend. Closing a door on this is so long overdue. I will be glad to have spare reserves and to be back to regular things, such as the board.

    So many of you all have so much going on right now. Know that I am thinking of you all!!!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending my most supportive thoughts and hugs your way. I'm sure having Court behind you will lighten your emotional load and slowly you'll be able to refind yourself. DDD
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    People in the courtroom are going to understand why you'll be nervous and emotional. So try not to worry about it too much. I'm glad this is coming to a close for you. It's been a very long stressful emotional haul.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are very brave. It sounds as if you have also been very committed to making this Thursday happen. It takes so much courage to do what you are doing and I admire you for it. Certainly understandable that you would feel as you do. Only a few more days and this will all be behind you and you can let go and move on to the next part of your life. Gentle hugs to you and prayers that you find peace.
  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs Rabbit
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Mattsmom I have every confidence in you that you will rise to the occasion when the time comes. I know now, before, and after you may feel like and may be feeling like or are falling to pieces a little at a time. This has all been very very trying on you, all the situations. It really has and how can it not be? This is your life you are talking about. It has been and was pretty serious and pretty devastating right? You have done a wonderful job of keeping it all together for all this time, years. I don't know how you did it or keep doing it. I'm not sure I could have as even the little I've gone through has taken it's toll on me.

    You have so much to be proud of. I know you are. I've seen it and felt it in your posts. Just remember that you have succeeded in your goal, your lifetime goal to handle your father. Not only for yourself but for others and you have helped them and continue to. In the process you have found family and have bonded with family too. Many really good things have come out of this.

    I'm sorry that your situation with your ex is adding to the stress. Ex's have a way of mucking up lives sometimes but you know what, this to shall pass and compared to the major hurdle you have just come through in life I think this will be small potatoes Know what I mean??

    Go easy on yourself and know that your inner strength is there and even though you aren't feeling it right now it IS there and when court comes you WILL rise to the occasion and that will be that. :) ~really big tight hugs~
  7. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending hugs your way.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    M...you have my strongest prayers this week. I know it will be a very difficult week but you have shown me what strength is. I am proud of you.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sending you prayers and support. You will have a board full of angels sitting along side of you as you give your statement. All that matters is you say what you want to say. Perfect grammar and mistakes mean nothing....I understand doing your best, but no worries...WHAT you have to say is what is important here, not how you say it. We will be here for you when it is over too... so glad S/O is there to hold you......

    Love, Dee
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We will all be there sitting on your shoulder supporting you. If you have to do it like a robot, do it. Huge, huge hugs coming your way. Plan something nice for yourself afterwards. Relaxing. You will need to de-stress. I am so very sorry you have to do this.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You know I am proud of you -

    I do have a question that you brought up in your account of what could happen to this person. I'm asking so you can either be informed and not shocked - or you already KNOW and have a clear understanding of what would occur. No room for doubt is my goal here. Not more pain. SO understand that - because I don't understand your family dynamics at all.......

    What would happen in the event that he would take his own life? Are you certain that he has NOT, can NOT and will NOT name you or any of your family to come get him, have his body prepared, and a funeral expense will go to you and yours? In dealing with the state here in the US it is something that you need to ask. I'm not sure how the crown handles affairs of such a nature - but it would be [to me] a slap in the face if after death you were found to be legally responsible for his internment and arrangements because you were legally his daughter - REGARDLESS of what he has done, was proven and he went to jail for.

    My only point here - is to CYOA...well. This would be a string - that could be pulled in the afterlife - and if he is sick enough to do what he did to all of you, I have no doubt he may try something like this.

    I will be there on THursday - (WHAT TIME?) thinking of you - dear. YOu have fought the long, GOOD - GREAT fight as a warrior sister ------and I'm glad you and yours finally get to see justice served. Better justice would be living the rest of your lives well - that I'm sure you already know and are already doing.

    Hugs and Love
  12. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thank you all for your responses and thoughts. They mean a lot.

    Star, to answer your questions. It's a cattle call type thing with other cases on docket for that day. Everyone attends for 9am. Then wait your turn. Because others are likely having simple hearings , I am told we will all be given a special waiting area within the crown attorneys office. This ensures we don't run into him while waiting either. They will attempt to see if the judge will put it first on the docket due to the seriousness of the hearing and the distances some of us are traveling. Otherwise I am told we may be asked to remain fairly close and keep cell phones on, and be called when this matter is close to being heard. We may evenne sent back to hotel to wait comfortably. I'm hoping the judge will set it first on the docket. Crossing fingers.

    In regards to the thought that he could take his life. Here we cannot be forced to take burial responsibility. If he is currently in a relationship I suppose that person would do whatever they want. Otherwise maybe one of his siblings although most wouldn't even consider it. More likely the arrangements would be made by some authority would be my bet. I doubt I am even listed anywhere as his daughter. Certainly nobody but police could find me. I have my information for phone erc unlisted. Even if contacted I wouldn't engage in conversation about arrangements. Not my business or responsibility.

    Each day this grows closer perhaps bodes well that he hasn't turned up of the non breathing persuasion. I really think he would have opted out by now. Court is just three mornings away. I want him in that defendant seat Thursday morning and want to see him cuffed and off for transport to the penitentiary.
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    MM, I am sending you much strength, composure, and support. You are amazing and you can do this. I hope you get the closure you deserve. -RM
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    YOU SMILE AND HAVE YOUR MOMENT IN THE SUN HONEY! WE'LL BE THERE FROM 9-SUNSET !!!!!!!!! I'll be little tickle on your cheek to keep you smiling!!!!

    Hugs and Love