Update on my difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, Jun 28, 2009.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello PE buddies,

    It's been over a year since I left the site but I do check in from time to time to see how my PE friends are doing. I wanted to give you a good news update on difficult child.

    After starting back to college and making the dean's list one semester, she simply quit going in the middle of the next semester. She came to us and said that college was just not for her and she was really only doing it because she knew that was what we wanted. Instead, she wanted to study to become a hairdresser.

    I told her that all we wanted was for her to have a marketable skill so she could be financially independent and lead her own life. She and I went to visit a very high-end school for hair design and husband and I agreed that we would pay for it in lieu of college. She started 9 months ago and stuck with it!!

    She graduated last Saturday and is starting the job search this week. She ended up moving back in with us about 6 months ago which we agreed to as long as she stayed in school. So far, although she still is a slob, she is pleasant to us and has lived by our rules. We are hoping that she will find a job and move out soon, though. husband and I had gotten used to our clean, empty nest.

    easy child is in her third year of college and makes the dean's list every semester. She has decided to become a math teacher (just like dear old mom). She just got a job as a math TA and is very excited about it.

    I've attached a picture of difficult child taken at a hair show. She looks the happiest I've seen her in a very long time.


    I haven't seen SunnyFlorida, Scent of Cedars, Coookie, or Ponygirl's names in a while. I think of them and Suz, Fran, Nancy, Nomad, Star, witzend, daisylover, dammitjanet, joG, Esther, everywoman, and DDD often. I miss kris, too. I wish she was still with us so she could tell me I told you so (she often told me that difficult child would be all right in the long run). I still remember those nights that we all took turns rowing the boat for each other.

    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  2. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Kathy - that is wonderful news. I dont think you know me. My son is 25 - he just called me and said he is phinning for a pain pill! I guess he wants me to enable him to get one - wrong! I just dont know where all this is going to end up. I am glad your difficult child saw the light.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I have kept up with your story. Mine is a long story but we were once where you are now. While my difficult child never was into drugs as deeply as yours, we took a stand and kicked her out of our house. She lived on various peoples' couches and even slept in her car in our driveway several winter nights.

    It was hard to know she was out in her car in the cold (even Georgia gets very cold at night in the winter). We let her hit bottom, though, because to do anything else would have been enabling her drug use.

    Over the years she has been evicted from an apartment, lived in a house full of slackers, and moved back in only to be kicked out again when I found marijuana in her room. She lived on her own, then, supporting herself delivering pizza.

    It was only after she got Fran's message (only she didn't know that it was Fran's message LOL) that you have to "do to get" that she started to straighten herself out. She is really proud of finishing the hair design program and is looking forward to getting a job to support herself.

    I've read your posts and wished I had something to offer you but I think that you need to reach a point where you just get mad enough (I was furious with my difficult child for what she was doing to herself and us) that you say no more!

    I hope you find that place. I know what helped me was a saying I learned on this board: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. That was when I was finally able to "let go and let God."

    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi Kathy, I'm not sure if you remember me but I am so glad to hear that things are going well for you. It gives me hope. -RM
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    What a wonderful update, Kathy. I'm just thrilled for you and your beautiful difficult child. :bravo:

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Kathy---what a great update. I know how much you struggled with your difficult child to make sure she learned "do to get." I am so happy she has found her passion. Hopefully a great job will come along soon.

    My difficult child is also doing much better---he's still a difficult child---but he hasn't been to jail in over two years---big accomplishments. He is working and living with my gfgbiomom. They are a great match and seem to make good roommates. He calls everyday to check on me and tell me he loves me----and stops by frequently to raid the cupboards, but we are in such a better place now than we were.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks, Suz. She is beautiful, isn't she? The day she was born the nurses brought her to me and said "here is little Miss Bright Eyes." Even then, she had big beautiful eyes. For a long time, the light seemed to go out of her eyes ~ especially during the drugging and drinking years. What I love about this picture is that the light is back in her eyes.

    Things aren't perfect but then again are things ever perfect? But we are light years away from where we had been.

    This site helped keep my sanity through it all.

    RM & everywoman ~ It's good to see you, both!

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a great update! She is a beautiful young lady and the sparkle in her eyes shows enthusiasm and happiness that is contagious even through the world wide web!

    I remember a fair amount of what you went through. It is so great to see that our difficult children really CAN reach the light at the end of the tunnel!
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy!!! I had to do a double take when I saw your name...lol. I am so thrilled to hear that the girls are doing so well. Way To Go for difficult child on becoming a hairdresser. A good one of those is so hard to find.

    Me and mine seem to be doing okay. Cory still keeps us on our toes but he is doing far better than he used to do. He is growing up. It hard to believe that Cory's daughter is no longer a baby. She is now a very grown up 3 year old. Jamies little girl will be two in less than a month and he will have a little boy the end of september. Billy is still happily just an uncle...lol.

    Gosh I miss seeing you here.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Truthfully I asked Sunny if she knew where you were a few months ago when we shared a quick visit. How wonderful that your life is "normal".

    Your difficult child is drop dead gorgeous and happy. What about easy child? Is she still playing ball in college? Seems like I recall she was changing schools but I can't trust my memory on that one. Did your husband get a job in your area or is he commuting? Have you gotten Dancing tickets for this year? Did you buy N.Ga. property yet?

    Lots of questions........as always. I'm so happy to read your update. DDD
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Susie, Janet, and DDD! It is so good to see y'all again. I feel like I am at a family reunion.

    DDD, you have a phenomenal memory! I wasn't sure anyone was even going to remember me. I can't believe you remembered all that about easy child and husband! To answer your questions:

    1) easy child only played college ball one year at Furman University and decided that she didn't want to play anymore. She transferred back to a college in Georgia and is very happy. After changing majors several times, she has settled on being a math teacher and a softball coach. She is still the same wonderful loving person that she has always been.

    2) husband was working at a job where he could work from home. He was working for a company that sold hardware and software to banks. I used the word "was" since as you can guess, when the recession hit, banks put the brakes on spending and there went husband's job. So he is unemployed (again) since January. Luckily, even though the local school systems have also been hit by the recession, my 22 years of seniority kept me safe. I am also teaching face-to-face summer school as well as three online summer classes so I have been busy but it is a nice addition to our income.

    3) The recession also put on the brakes to our moving to the North Georgia area. I will be working longer and our house value has fallen so we are just going to stay put now until I am ready to retire.

    Honestly, though, as long as difficult child is doing better all the rest really isn't all that important. Now, if I could only manage to convince her to drop her loser boyfriend. . . . :rofl:

    Janet . . . thanks for missing me!

    Oh, and I almost forgot . . . yes, husband and I went to see the DWTS tour last January. husband spent a fortune to get us seats that were really close to the front. I was only 20 feet away from a shirtless Maks. He looks even better in person. :916blusher:

    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Kathy---I have the secret to getting your girl to drop her loser. The ladies can tell you I lamented jana's choice for several months. Ugh! Then I ran into a former student who was a classmate's of Jana. He is a great young man. So, I "fixed" them up---kind of---she has been seeing him for several weeks and loser guy is gone, gone with the wind!!! New guy ran him off a week ago when he showed up to stake his claim! I've decided if Jana doesn't stay with this one, I'll have to adopt him!
  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Dreams are meant to come true, Kathy, so I'm very happy to read this. I'm sure that Maks saw you in the audience and is still pining for you. :)

  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From your mouth to God's ear . . .:wink-very: Now if I can just get rid of the pesky Karina!

  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    She's stunning, Kathy! And she absolutely looks happy!

    I'm really glad that you shared the story about school and how your daughter has begun to find her way. It gives me hope that one day L and/or M will know what they want, and that I will be able to help them if they ask. You guys have been down the long road. You've all really reaped the rewards of patience. :thumbsup:
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    OMG HI Kathy!!!!! :D :D

    It's so wonderful to see you here again!! And what a truly wonderful update!!! difficult child looks stunning in her photo and blissfully happy! Huge congrats to her for having the courage to come to you with her dream, and for you for helping her acheive it!! :bravo::bigsmile::musicdance:

  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That pesky Karina still buggin' ya? We will have to send Raoul to distract her so you can swoop in and carry away the dancer of your dreams!!

    So where is Raoul right now? I know he is planning on attending the get together, but anyone know where he is building up his strength for the gathering? We will roust him and send him out to clear that little problem out of your path!
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The rest of you have no worries about Raoul and the pesky Karina - Raoul is loyal to us, he knows not to risk upsetting a Warrior Mom! He will get rid of her and then head to the party!
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy...I never fail to think of you when we are talking about DWTS in the watercooler. It just isnt the same without you swooning over Maks.

    Did you know he is on another reality show right now? Something called Superstars on I think ABC. I cant remember what night its on. Wed I think. I just happened to catch it last week and saw him and thought of you...lol. He looks just as good in bicycle shorts and a swimsuit!
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Kathy, thanks for the update. All in all it sounds really positive. Meanwhile I'm at work and want to post quickly and then refocus...on survival in this economy, lol.

    I have two things that are a bit off target. First, difficult child (Aspergers and now 18) graduated :D and is taking a math scores were SO low that they told me they didn't have a remedial class level to offer him over the summer. Yes, he did get B's C's in pre-alg, algebra I and geometry. Truthfully he doesn't get it. I wonder ifyou have books, workbooks or programs that you would suggest that I get to help him get closer to up to speed in math.

    Second, I don't know that there is any current need but easy child's husbands business is doing very well. Your husband is over qualified I would assume but if he would like to "do something" while he's searching, I would be glad to
    have sister in law keep an eye open for a resume. Just let me know.

    Great to see you back. DDD