Update on my son who attempted suicide.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by David645, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. David645

    David645 New Member

    Thank you again, everyone for your prayers and support, regarding my son. It's been a rough week.

    As many of you are aware, my 19 year old son attempted suicide on New Years Day. He shot himself in the left side of the chest with a 22 calibur revolver. It was a miracle that the bullet did NOT puncture any of his vital organs/arteries, nor did he require surgery. However, his left lung collapsed. He spent 4 nights in the hospital so they could take care of his lung and watch for any other health matters, related to the shooting. He was discharged Thursday afternoon and sent involuntarily to a pyschiatric hospital where he'll remain for several days.

    He's not allowed to smoke awhile because of his lung, which is a good thing, because he wanted to quit but was having a difficult time doing so, before this happened. He also said he's finished with Pot and other drugs. I hope and pray that will be the case when he's released. That being said; I'm looking for other inpatient treatment options for him when he's released. His pediatrician (who my son looks up to) said he'll try to talk him into going (voluntarily) to another treatment facility as well. We'd like him to stay for awhile so he can learn to cope with lifes challenges and gain a desire to not hang out with wrong influences (most of his current friends). I researched *** in Memphis, TN and it looks like the best option for my son. Has anyone had experience with this center?
    Lasted edited by : Jan 7, 2012
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your son has stabilized and is safe. On the CD site it is suggested that facility information be shared or requested via PM's so there is not an appearance of an endorsement. Perhaps you could post asking for personal experiences with facilities that seem to meet your criteria. I wish you all the best.

    In trying to recall your son's issues I remember that he has smoked pot, turned to undesireable friends, and sadly attempted suicide. What I don't know if which came first "the chicken or the egg". Perhaps you outlined the onset of problems and the progression and I didn't absorb the pattern. What I am wondering is if his pattern of behavior radically changed at a specific age, whether he has participated in ongoing counseling for a period of time, and whether the pot use etc. has been for self medicating. That age was one of the most difficult for parenting in our family. With some we did a better job of "seeing" the right problems than we did with others.

    Do you have a professional concensus so when seeking a facility you know it is appropriate for his actual issues? Residential care is costly and traumatic...and can have wonderful results, of course. I just would hope that it would have maximum benefit. Sending caring hugs. DDD
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hi David, I just read your back posts and I am devastated for you. I am very glad to hear that your son will be OK. Our difficult children are very lucky to have such diligent guardian angels.

    I apologize for not greeting you sooner. I took a bit of a break (a whole 4 days) from the boards. Honestly, when I read your initial posts it was like reading my own story and it hit too close to home for me to answer right away. I am so sorry for my reticence. My 19 yo is floundering away at school and smoking way too much pot. We did cut him off & it hasn't changed anything but our budget. We don't pay his tuition and can only hope he is still in school. We are heartbroken and frustrated to see him waste his blessings.

    I realize you have bigger fish to fry now...and my heart goes out to you. I hope this is the wake-up call your difficult child needs. You should contact the dean at his school to withdraw him on medical leave right away just in case he gets it in his head that he wants to go back this semester.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}} please stay in touch.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thank you for the update David. I think all ai know about that site is maybe it is one of those recommended by a famous psychologist who has a talk show? If you go to that website maybe there is more information about it from there....like testamonials etc. Just a thought. Maybe that is where you found it in the first place.

    I am so glad your son is physically ok. Now the real work will start. We all know times when we are super motivated to change something and then that can wear off without support so it is wonderful you are grabbing this opportunity to help him with his desire to get better. Prayers and blessings to you. I hope you stay with this board a long time and your story becomes one of inspiration and hope!
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    (((HUGE HUGS))) I know this is the most horrible, awful thing a parent can go through, besides losing your child. My son tried to kill himself when he was 15. I'm still traumatized. Your son needs a lot of help, more than those few days, and even more than another voluntary hospital stay. Before he comes home you can set up treatment somehow. You should send him to that place you researched. Don't worry about his friends, when he gets in a more stable place in his life, he'll get rid of them on his own, don't even mention them to him, it will endear him to them even more. Hugs...pm me if you want.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for the update. I am so glad he is physically ok. I hope you can work out a treatment facility for him when he is released where he is now. He is willing to get help now, it is an excellent time to move on it. If you wait even a few days he may become reluctant. He has expressed a desire to change. If you need to do an intervention can you pull that together with the help of his doctor and other family members?

    I have no information on the treatment center you mentioned but those facilities can be a tremendous help, especially because they focus on the whole person and help them learn how to live a clean/sober life. My daughter was in a substance abuse treatment center for 60 days and it really helped her on her way to making real positive changes in her life.

    Your son must know how much you love and support him. That will help him in his recovery.

  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    David - thank you for the update. I have been thinking about you, your son and your family. Sounds like he is getting some good treatment and because his was a suicide attempt was a serious one the medical community will keep taking it very seriously and hopefully really help you find a good treatment center.. one that deals with both the substance abuse and the mental health issues.

  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so so sorry about your circumstances, I hope you find the appropriate treatment center for your boy and that this is a turning point for you and your family. With all the angels on this site, you are surrounded by hugs and warmth and prayers and empathy, our hearts go with you on this journey.........God bless.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh my goodness, what a heart-breaking experience! I hope that your son will be able to see that his problems have overwhelmed him and that he needs help to get on track to a happy life. Residential treatment is not fun or pretty, and I hope that no one will try to sugar-coat it for him. But it is a path towards fun and pretty.

    I remember when I was much much younger being told that being in-patient would be like a relaxing vacation, and people would take care of me. Well, people did take care of me, but it was most certainly not "like a vacation". I felt betrayed by that and reasonably so, and I left after a few days and didn't seek further help for years. Your son needs to go into it with eyes wide open. It's a place to work on getting better. All of my hopes and prayers are with you and your family in this.
  10. AHF

    AHF Member

    I'm sending you a PM with a couple of suggestions. Good luck and I'm glad he's safe.
  11. David645

    David645 New Member

    I just talked to my son on the phone. He says he feels better than he has in a long time. He's currently taking Zoloft and is participating in individual and group therapy. So far, he's having a positive experience in the psychiatric facility...of course, the real challenges will begin when he's discharged. His friends will have a strong influence on him, unless his Dr. can intervene first and talk him into checking into another facility, that will treat his whole condition.

    We'll see how it goes the next few days & weeks.
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    David, I am glad he is going to be OK and glad he is getting treatment. I also know of a dual diagnosis treatment facility that is really good. I will PM you the name.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so glad to hear he is making good progress. If this is one of the places that a certain almost bald TV psychologist recommends, I would feel comfortable with them. Just my opinion of course. I believe he vets his placements quite thoroughly.
  14. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    David: I am so glad that your son is physically OK. I have been thinking of you and your son a lot, because this is one of the worst nightmares for any parent to go through. I hope that you are able to get your son in a residential facility very soon, so that he does not have a chance to see the (so-called) friends who are not helping him at all. Your son has a long journey ahead of him, but it sounds like you and your wife are going to do whatever it takes for him to get better. You have a large group of caring parents from all over the country on the board who are hoping the very best for your son. HUGS to you and your son.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    So glad to hear that your son is physically going to recover well. I hope treatment continues to be a positive experience for him and that he can go on into long term treatment.

    Keeping you all in my prayers.

  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding in my hugs and prayers.
  17. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I am unsure how I have missed your post when browsing the site. I am so sorry your son is going through all of this, your entire family as a whole. I'm very glad to hear he is physically alright.

    I do hope he attends a inpatient program and works with the program toward healthy and realistic goals. Your update in his mental state and involvement in therapy is a very good sign and I will pray that continues I think positively about continuing treatment.

    I will keep looking back for hopefully further positive updates. I can't imagine what you all went through with this suicide attempt and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Know that there are many parents via this site who are rooting for your son and are here for a ear anytime
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    His friends are not real friends. I hope you find ways to help him realize that - or suggest it to the psychiatrist he is seeing now.

    I am so sorry for you to have to go through all this - and him, too. I hope it turns into a blessing in disguise (sounds weird, I know) and he gets the help he needs to turn his life around. HUGS!
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I'm very sorry for your son, and you over his attempted suicide. There must be 1,000,00 whys in your head as to his choices. I know the shock must have been unbelievable to bear; we've buried two sons and both instances seemed to be so avoidable. Mortality leaves us with many unanswered questions.

    My thoughts between your lines are that you have a son, he is 19 years old. He's made some super poor choices, and the consequences were literally nearly lethal. FOR HIM. When I read your post, and I'm in no way judging - but right now? He's in a treatment facility getting SCADS of attention, and everyone is being understanding, and I would venture walking on eggshells. I could be wrong, I hope I am. The point I'm trying to make here is I see a lot of "I'm looking, I'm trying, I'm doing." What I don't see so much of is your son saying it, and doing for himself. Is it NOT possible that he could call his doctor and have a man to man conversation about the choices that are out there for him, his treatment, his wellness? He is 19, not 9. These are things that if he really wanted to turn his life around? I think he would have more of an interest in doing. QUestions like "Well what is YOUR next step once you leave here? What course of treatment have you and your doctor discussed abouit getting YOURSELF better? I've found a few places to go - WHICH one have YOU contacted and asked questions about?" I'm not saying don't help, or look, or be supportive, but I'm trying to learn (the hard way) NOT to swoop in at the first sign of disaster and FIX it - The way I think it should be. I want to really know what your SON thinks about this situation he's created.

    True enough finding an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or a sober house or a few for him to pick from - to me sounds like he is interested in getting well - NOT the attention a suicide attempt brings. Even in this delicate balance of mental parity and love - I belive the rest of what he attempts to do for himself is going to have to be IF HE INITIATES it. Giving him a choice......Not more than suggesting that this is what he NEEDS to do or should do.

    Maybe in this case (like I said) I'm all wrong, and he's too fragile to do anything on his own, and needs his parents to straighten this out because it is such a mess. But I digress and ask WHO made the mess to begin with; who is mature enough at this point to get what he needs and make his decisions like an adult. This could be a really rare opportunity in his life for him to say - "I really messed up, but I turned my life around, and not because everyone told me what to do - I made choices based on decisions - my own decisions....and now I'm better for it. I think he needs to move - out of state, stay away from the friends and the place he is, get a life for himself somehow - and not return to a place that literally almost got his life. Where ever he does move? I would hope that the program has supports in place for him to find housing or 1/2 way housing, and a job, and further education. Whatever you do to support him as a family is critical at this point - but I think at 19 - he should be doing a lot of this on his own. That way you'd know for sure he was vested in his life as much as YOU are.

    Just my .05 worth - and again, I mean no ill will - You're a terrific Father, and the young man is lucky to have you in his life. Just at this point? I think it would be wise for you all to get some counseling, and discuss the next move and how it could/should be done.

    Many Hugs -
  20. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    WOW I have missed a lot. Thank heavens he is okay!!! Hopefully that was a HUGE wake up call for him....