upset with teacher.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by needabreak, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. needabreak

    needabreak New Member

    ok you all heard me talk about my difficult child other son is my good one and usally have no promblems with him unless there is something he wants and i can not understand him.he was diognosed Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified by 3 phyciatrist now i just had a meeting with the teacher and she said she thinks he is ready to go into a reagular kindergaten class next year and i was happy but when i mentioned the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and would he still be getting his speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) she seemed a little suprised.she said she has worked around lots ao special children and he shows no signs of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified.i mean i was upset because she did not know him 3 years ago when he would not talk,or play or when he would not want to be touch or could not have no stimultion.i have spent 3 years to get hm to where he is now so yes he is doing well but that does not change that there is somrthing wrong.i mean i would love to say there is nothing wrong with my sonbut she does not know him the way i do.and i dont want him to lose services cause a teacher dont think there is nothing wrong.exceptfor a speech delay.sorry for rambling imjust confused.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I do not think the teacher has much say over if he needs special services. If he has speech now (I know nothing about Occupational Therapist (OT) other than what it is) then I would guess he has an IEP and could be classified as Special Education. My son recieves speech, has an IEP for speech (to which we are adding an OHI classification) and is considered Special Education since he gets speech but is in a regular classroom. I do not know if your state laws/regs are different.

    The teacher did not know him when his problems were more severe, so he must have improved greatly. She does not know him like you do. Try posting on the Special Education board, they may know more there
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I've even had a school counsellor come out with similar stuff with difficult child 3. The thing is, we work really hard as parents to help our kids overcome their hurdles, and then when we succeed, even in part - we get disbelief that there ever has been anything wrong with them! difficult child 3's school counsellor said, after she had seen his progress from a non-verbal, disruptive, jargon-uttering five year old to a much more capable and fluent nine-year-old, "difficult child 3 is doing so well now, when you look out on the playground he's just like any other normal kid. Isn't it great that he is no longer autistic?"
    I reminded her of difficult child 3's own statement about himself the year before, "I'm getting better at pretending to be normal."

    A serious suggestion - emphasise the value of acknowledging his HISTORY. In difficult child 3's case, his HISTORY of language delay will always be the reason that his diagnosis is autism, not Asperger's.

    And an analogy for you to share with his teacher - consider a regal, serene swan gliding on the lake. It looks so effortless, such an image of tranquility. But if you look beneath, you will see a lot of furious activity is really going on just to preserve that facade of ease.
    It's the same with our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, especially the brighter ones - they use a lot of energy in adapting to their disability. Just because they can assume a veneer of normality doesn't mean it's as easy for them as for the next kid. It's not. And when things get tough or the wheels fall of whatever you have in place to support them, it's people like that teacher and difficult child 3's school counsellor who are taken by surprise. Just because a kid seems to be doing well is no reason to throw them in the deep end or remove support - they're doing well BECAUSE things are working for them, just as they are. IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!!

    But do remember to thank the teacher for thinking so well of your darling boy. Her failure to recognise his disability is a positive testament to your efforts as a Warrior Mum and your son's effort to assume a semblance of normality. Clearly, he is succeeding. So are you. And she does care about him, it's not her fault if she never knew him when things were bad.

  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    the teacher cannot make the choices for your son. I imagine your son has an IEP that lists the current services. IEPs are reviewed triannually and usually reviewed in the spring (to prepare for the next school year). Look into his IEP and see the review date. When is he up for review?

    Don't worry about the one teacher's commnet. As you said, she was not there at the start and does not know how much all the services have helped, and will continue to help.

    Take a deep breath............

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and teachers always tell me, "Oh! I would never have known." Stick to your guns on what your son needs. Teachers aren't diagnosticians.
  6. needabreak

    needabreak New Member

    thank you for your comments.people tell me they would never know he had Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified cause he looks fine.can children ever out grow Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified.or will it always be with them.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    No, they never grow out of it. But they CAN adapt, sometimes so well that they are, to all intents and purposes, functionally normal. It's like the example I gave of the swan on the lake - the semblance of serenity is only on the surface, because underneath is a lot of furious activity, making it all possible.

    One of my sisters was brain-damaged by fever as a young child. She was unable to learn much because of short-term and long-term memory problems, as well as being extremely anxious and emotionally insecure. She left school as soon as she was old enough legally. Through her life she has slowly been able to learn and adapt. She never could cope with stress and change very well, but as life has continued she has been able to, in her own way, deal with some amazing things. About ten years ago she went to evening classes and did a course in accountancy. Now she does the books for most of the family. She has owned and run her own business. She has raised three wonderful children and is enjoying her grandchildren. When she was finally emotionally strong enough she threw out her first husband (not a bad bloke, but she married him too young and too immature - she finally grew up) and has since remarried very happily.
    To all intents & purposes, she is normal. She certainly has found her intelligence, which for years seemed locked away inside a frightened little girl. She is strong and capable. Nobody would believe the brain damage that we knew. But put her under sudden, severe stress and we see it - until she gets a grip on herself again. It's still there but she has adapted brilliantly.

    I feel it's the same with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - depending on how much support they have and what they're trying to overcome, they adapt brilliantly. But EVERYTHING for them is adapting and adjusting.

    There are gifts, too, with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). There can be some wonderful benefits. There are adults with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) who claim that given the choice to wake up in the morning with no Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), they would choose to keep their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) for the blessings it has brought them as well. They have done their best to overcome their difficulties and have even turned things to their advantage. They are loyal. Honest. Gifted. Loving and caring. Law-abiding. Trusting. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) friend will stick by you.

    Value your child, value what you have helped him accomplish and don't be too upset by those who don't see it. They're not meaning to devalue those efforts, they are, in their own ham-fisted way, paying tribute to all the work that they have not been privileged to see. But in order to continue to recognise that effort, always recognise that the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is still there, just ever more brilliantly covered up.