very hurt i have to do this alone

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Jun 8, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I am becoming very bitter at husband and family. No one asks about how i am coping with addict son in prison 2x. They didnt ask how i was the first time son was in prison, 4yrs. Sister tells me leave him handle his own problems but when her adult daughter calls crying saying her and husband fighting she runs to her to help, hello! Oh i get it since mine uses drugs its different. Double standards. I will no longer talk about my son to any of my family, even husband. If they should ask me about my son, i will tell them if they want to know about how he is doing to talk to him. I dont want to hear any condescending remarks or what i should do or dont do.
     
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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If you need to talk about it or learn to cope with your sons sad situation, I highly recommend getting a therapist for yourself. Just for you. To be good to yourself.

    This way you will be heard and perhaps gain an understanding of why others act how they act. A good chunk of us are in therapy or were. At least you can then get it off your chest. Living with anger and bitterness toward all your loved ones hurts your mental and physical health and does nothing for your son. Only your son can turn it around for him and only you can turn it around for you, but you really dont have to do it alone.

    You have lots of trouble detaching from your sons plight..maybe everyone else in your family, including Dad, already has detached.Doesnt mean Dad is cold...it is protecting himself. He decided maybe that son has to figure it out, which is healthy. Son does.

    It doesnt serve your kind heart to be upset about your son or anyone else. Not saying you will ever not love your son, but you can learn to live your life better, in spite if his poor choices. Please get into therapy for you and be good to yourself.

    Light and love.
     
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    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  3. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Teriobe,
    I understand you again! I know it's a little different, but I just got off the phone with a retired friend who was complaining about how her son's mother in law treats him. He has a job, a nice house, children, dog and a lovely wife. I was like 'good grief woman, just be happy your son is not destroying your property and sweating on your couch!' But I think people just like to complain about whatever is taking up space and she picked someone who can't relate. When I told her my son's latest, she flew off into a rage asking me something about 'How many times is this going to happen before you finally do something?' I had to cut off the phone call right then and there.
    I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I hear my mother in law on speaker phone every night consoling my husband but I've never heard her ask how I'm handling it. And I'm the one who gets the brunt of it all. And certainly the one who pays for all of it financially. So I get it. I think you are right. If they want to know how he is doing ask him. If they want to know how I'm doing then well, that would be a first - I'm not sure I wouldn't go into shock! I get the feeling people blame everything on the mother. Either consciously or subconsciously. It sucks.
    Hang in there!
     
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  4. Alex A

    Alex A me and couszin, great time catching the bass

    I feel very and terribly sorry for you, you sure dont desrve this ever.
     
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  5. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    So had to go pickup sons property from police impound other day, been furious ever since to the point of crying. Hate what has done yet again. Didnt think twice about hurting his future or family. I am so furious i have to stay in the house cause i will rip off someones head if they come at me sideways. I have to becareful what i say to him cuz he might get depressed and use, yes even in prison, or suicide. Which makes me more furious. I hate him!
     
  6. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    It's so hard. I feel the pain and anger for you!
    Hang in there! Xx
     
  7. sooverit

    sooverit New Member

    UGH! I am right there with you. I actually had my mother in law hint at the fact that my husband was an alcoholic because of my 17 year old son! I was beyond shocked. I put my foot down right away. I said "you know what, I deal with a pot smoking son AND an alcoholic husband every single day and don't drink or do drugs. It is pretty terrible to blame alcoholism on a 17 year old." I know she was upset and grasping at straws to find our why HER son was struggling, but really place it on a teenager! Infuriating! You do you. You come on here to talk about it and vent and worry and anything else you need to do about you son. Don't let them stop you from that, you have EVERY RIGHT to feel anyway you need to feel. I am mad for you!:mad: