wanting to give son and wife help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kasey0948, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. kasey0948

    kasey0948 New Member

    Good morning, First of all, thank you so much for this website. I just found it this morning and wish there had been something like this when my sons were young. Anyway, I am the proud gramma of 4 little girls, 2 in each son's family. They all have their little quirks but one of our little misses is quite a handfull. She has been tentatively diagnosed by the school as ADHD so we are awaiting the results of testing. She is 7 and quite defiant and impulsive. They recently moved into a new home ie new school, new neighbors, etc. Some of her new conduct include walking into the neighbors home, just opened the door and walked into his workshop. The landlord called them about it as he was concerned about her safety obviously. She got off the school bus at the end of the driveway and decided instead of coming into the house, she would walk down the road because the neighbors down the road have a horse and she wanted to see it. She has a terrible temper and will throw toys at her mommie. My daughter in law has to get her up for school 2 hours before it is time to catch the bus because she eats really slowly and has to be coaxed to do so, when she is supposed to be getting ready for school they will find her staring at herself in the mirror instead of getting dressed, combing her hair and all the other things she needs to do to get ready. She fights everything. I have seen several books that might help them but I could sure use some advice as which would be the better one to buy. Because of this lousy economy they can only afford 1 vehicle right now and with my son working nights to make better money, most of the daily stress falls on my daughter in laws shoulders. She is feeling really overwhelmed as he really only sees the kids on the weekend. They also have a 2 year old. Anyway, sorry if this seems overlong. Thank you to all.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! You are a good gramma to come looking for help for your daughter in law and Granddaughter.

    Even though the school does provide an evaluation, I HIGHLY recommend that you also have an outside evaluation done at a neuropsychologist office. If they match, great. If not, the school might have to provide more or different support to her.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has she ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation outside of school? WE found that the schools think all kids have ADHD. It's easier for them, they don't have to make a lot of accomodations. Any other quirks about your granddaughter? Did she talk on time? Dies she make good eye contact with strangers? Did she potty on time? Can she socialize appropriately with same age peers? Are there any mood disorders or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?
    I think more than a book is needed and more than the school. If I were you, I'd encourage your daughter to get her a neuropsychologist evaluation. Right now you really don't know what is wrong with her. She just hasn't been tested thoroughly enough or by a bipartison person. School districts tend to be poor diagnosticians.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Kasey,

    it's great to have you join us and nice to see such a concerned grandma. It is tough raising a difficult child alone, which appears to be what your daughter in law is basically doing.

    As the others have said, relying soley on the school for the results of the testing is not always a good thing - unless daughter in law has done her own research and feels in her gut that their diagnosis is correct. There are some great school districts who can do quality testing.

    However, it may be a good thing for your daughter in law to speak with her daughter's peddoc and get a recommendation for testing. She can have a multidisciplinary evaluation at a local children's hospital or teaching university or go the neuropdoc or psychiatrist route.

    I would also recommend getting from the library (or go through the Amazon link on the site here) the book The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene. It is a wonderful book that helps parents with some insight into the workings of their difficult children.


  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome! I agree with the others- our experience has been that the school always starts with the ADHD short evaluation ONLY. Many of our kids meet that criteria even though there might be something else going on with them. Unfortunately, the school won't look for more once they determine adhd. That is just what I see in this area anyway. My son has mood cycling, so when he is symptommatic is when everyone wants to test him. He isn't adhd, but will be hyper and have trouble focusing and concentrating during certain phases. If we had the school evaluation him and didn't look deeper, he would have ended up on a stimulant medication, which makes mood cycling worse (more drastic and possible violent behavior).

    The neuropsychological testing and an evaluation by a child psychiatrist usually is the most thorough way to determine what is really going on with the child.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Kasey, welcome.
    You've gotten some good recommendations here.
    You sound like a wonderful help for your d-i-l and son's family.
    Yes, your granddaughter does sound like a handful, and like she needs more testing.
    Just wanted to pop in and welcome you.
  7. kasey0948

    kasey0948 New Member

    Hello again, You folks are amazing and awesome. Thank you ever so much for super quick responses. To answer a couple of your questions, yes she is being tested other than in the school system. It is just such a lenghthy process and the reason I asked about books was I was hoping to give them a bit of help until everything and everyone is sorted out. My son just started a new job in the last 2 months so they are in a limbo waiting for new insurance to kick in and not sure as yet what it covers. My granddaughter is a clever little miss, they never hit her and yet in public when they tell her not to do something, she will yell out Don't hit me and then grin at them. It is really embarrassing for them as people have glared at them on occassion. She was slow talking and does not like to make alot of eye contact. She is too stranger friendly sometimes will go up to strangers and ask them questions. She was delayed potty training, almost 3 1/2 and still has some accidents. Her motor skills have always been good, she has excellent eye hand skills, she is very artistic, draws very well, not masterpieces but keeps up well with her peers. She was kept back in kindergarden, but is doing well in first grade. She is probably going to be assigned an individual aide in school. She had one last year. The school she is attending this year is about the best primary school in our area. So that is good. They had thought she might be autistic at one point. But that went nowhere. She wants to play outside with her friends but under the circumstances, it is difficult. The concept of staying within the bounderies of her own yard seems to elude her. In the middle of playing with another child, she will just run off. All she will say when she is questioned is because I wanted to. My son says sometimes it seems like she totally does not care but I do not think that is it. Mommy unfortunately is a very nervous highly exciteable person. When she as I put it is on a roll you cannot get a word in. She can go on nonstop talking for hours. It is real hard to listen and put things in perspective sometimes as it is so difficult to have a conversation. It is more I listen, she rambles. Her family lives over 2 hours from here and her stepmom and dad have health issues so I am kinda a surrogate mom. Which I do not mind. I love both of my daughter in laws dearly and I would do anything I could for them. If anyone has any ideas as to how to teach this little scamp her bounderies, we would be so grateful. Blessings and well wishes to each and everyone of you wonderful people. Kasey
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Hi, you are a wonderfully concerned Grandma to be searching online as you did for a site that could offer help, wow.

    The others gave great information, a neuro psychiatric evaluation is so thorough gives alot of insight i had one done for my child.

    I wish you luck in this, and welcome :)

  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Kasey and welcome.

    I agree with the others' recommendations about getting a thorough neuropsychologist evaluation, and I'm glad to hear that testing is underway.

    I am in no way qualified to diagnose anything, but some of the behaviours you describe sound like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). It may be that your granddaughter falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. The lack of boundaries, trouble staying on task, difficulty with eye contact etc. all sound a bit Asperger's to me.

    It might be worth checking out the childbrain.org website. There is a questionnaire that you can use which might point you in the right direction. It's not a diagnostic tool, but it might start to give you an idea of what you're dealing with.

    You're a great gramma for wanting to help your daughter in law and GD.
    Please post often and let us know how you're all doing.

  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hi, Kasey. Welcome.

    I wanted to second the Explosive Child book. It is excellent and was a huge help for my family.

    And also, for me, my mom has started coming to visit 2 or 3 days here and there and will help us catch up on laundry and basic household chores or makes a couple of meals that will freeze while she is here so that more of my energy can be spent on difficult child and it is a HUGE help for me to have that break. I never would have asked for it, simply because I didn't know what to ask for, but it is really a huge help.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We were also told my son was "too friendlY' to have any form of autism, but that was WRONG. I would wonder about some form of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) if she was a late talker, doesn't make eye contact and pottied late. Also being friendly to people she doesn't even know can be another symptom. Some hide, some just go up to anyone and think they are friends...that can be dangerous as they tend to be naive and will go off with anyone (we had to worry about that with my son until he got older). That non-stop, one way talking is annoying and also a symptom. I call it "monologuing." My sister works as an aide with autistic kids and it actually has an official name (the non-top, one way talking), but I forgot what she calls it. Those are big red flags. THose kids are very socially inappropriate and don't care how bad they look to others in public because they don't even know how bad they look in public. Here is an online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) assessmesnt test you can look at, but I would definitely see a neuropsychologist. They are good at spotting things that other diagnosticians miss simply because they take a very long time in their evaluation and look for everything. The prognosis, if caught young and given good interventions, is excellent. Read my post about my son going on a date! Never thought I'd see the day.