I thank you all for understanding and not judging me. Admitting this incident and my mindset leading up to it, is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have good days, I have really good days, and I still have very down days. But now I have a crisis plan at my finger tips and I faithfully read it daily. I don't just say yes to every person who asks something of me. I am learning to be a much more assertive person. This whole thing has taught me just how precious life is and I nearly blew it.
I am in love with my children again and that is enough to keep me going on bad days. My older 2 are the most loving, understanding, amazing "children" on this earth. They have been here several times a week, even though it is an hour drive for easy child 2 and a 2 hour drive for easy child 1, they come a spend the night either with husband or me all the time.
Aly has actually been mostly decent, at least for several hours of a visit. Any longer than that and she has a real hard time keeping it together. I pray we find her a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) very soon.
J is being the doll baby she always has been. We cut off her hair to her shoulders yesterday (was down past her buttootie). I thought husband was going to have a coronary but he handled it much better than I thought he would. She looks adorable and now no more screaming when we wash and brush her hair!!
My sister, who's property I live on with J, just got 3 foster sons, ages 17 months, 2 yrs and 3 yrs. They are beyond adorable and sweet and boy does that lift my mood. They adore their Auntie Vickie and I get to spoil them up good!!!!
Anyways, I know there will be rough days ahead but I feel confident that with a great crisis plan in place, better medications on board and a HUGE support team, I will come out a much stronger and happier person.
Thank you all so much, you all mean the world to me.
Much love,
Vickie