Watching the illogical in action

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Yesterday kt was asked to help unload the dishwasher. A tantrum of somewhat epic proportions ensued.

    What I found fascinating as I sipped hmj & watched husband handle the situation was how adept kt is at changing the subject of the initial request/outburst.

    While husband wasn't arguing with kt, her ranting continued on from it's not fair, to children aren't slaves, to you can't yell at me, I'm abused (no yelling involved), to I hate you & don't want to be in this family, back to I hate you, back to the child slave thing....and on and on........

    I wrote down the initial request (and time of that request) & kt's initial reaction, just so I could keep track of what started this level of emotion.

    It was fascinating to sit back & watch the illogical - the disconnect, if you will, from an everyday household chore to a full blown tantrum/meltdown; watching kt be over reactive to a simple chore.

    Yup, life in tweedleland would be a good research paper - just not fun to live with. :faint:
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    I dont think what you experienced is relative to just the tweedles. We get that exact same sort of meltdown from Cory all the time.

    For example this morning I have not been to bed all nite long because I have not felt well, my back is killing me and my insomnia is kicking in badly. husband got up to leave for work around 4. I took more pain medications and a muscle relaxer about 4:30 am. Cory got up to leave for work about 5ish. He found me up on the computer about 5:45. He came in and said since I was up why couldnt I take him to meet his ride so Lindsey wouldnt have to get up. I explained I had taken pain medications and a muscle relaxer plus I cant see in the dark to drive. I am night blind without glasses and I have lost my glasses. He got irate with me that I wouldnt drive. Called me all kind of names. I told him that me driving with medications in me was driving under the influence and I dont do that. He was still ticked off. Oh well. I didnt do it. He went on and on about how we expect stuff out of him and blah blah blah.

    Tantrum because I wouldnt risk my life for him!
  3. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Oh...the simplist thing is a meltdown trigger in our house too. Be it, "put this in your room" "go get some socks" "go grab your shoes" "brush your teeth" "hop in the shower" yadda, yadda, yadda....

    ::::big hugs::::
  4. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Same here. For my difficult child, it's all about control, i.e he has it, we don't, and he's going to make sure we know about it. The quickest way to make sure something doesn't get done is to tell him to do it.

    His therapist calls it "reflexive rebellion", and for my poor difficult child it truly has become a reflex, much like Tourets. He "reflexes" before he knows what he's doing; and then, if he finds himself in a bad place because of his reaction, he fights even harder to keep from "looking stupid" or losing the upper hand.

    Sad but true story is that I was the same way for most of my life. It wasn't until I was diagnosis and Rx for ADD and took martial arts that I learned how to counter that reflex in myself. I guess now I'm suffering from the dreaded "Mother's Curse": "may your children grow up to plague you in the same manner you've plagued me"., or, the more modern version: "I hope you have kids that act just like you!"

  5. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Nomad, re: "When will this ever end? Can we hope, dream?"

    We can hope and dream, but I fear for some folks it doesn't end. Today, I realized that my Dad has been a difficult child his entire life. Two wives, five kids, a live-in girlfriend, and both a brilliant ER doctor and the biggest horse's rear end that ever walked and talked. Was an expert at sabotage of his own life, and the lives of those around him who loved him.

    Always moving to "something better", i.e. someplace new that where people hadn't caught on to who and what he really was. When he left a bad situation, it was always someone elses fault. He's now in his 70's, just survived (barely) his second stroke, and is only now realizing the fruits of his lifetime as a difficult child. It breaks my heart, but it is what it is.

    And that's why, even though it hurts and drains the life from me every day, I fight like hell for and with my son. If there's a chance I can deflect him from even a tenth of the misery my Dad inflicted on himself and those around him, then I have to try.

    Crazy, stupid, and deluded, but for now I can't do anything else.

    Maybe I need my medications increased? :wink:

  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    LOL, well I can think of LOTS of coworkers who responded like that when given their daily work assignments, LOL.
    WHen my kids start doing it to me, I ignore their rants......why do I care what they mumble or holler about about the topic at hand? I guess I kinda look at it that they are grumbling aloud what they are thinking..........but I do not permit myself to be bothered with it.
    LOL, I keep reminding them that the slave thing also works in reverse, I am not a slave either. No law says I HAVE to drive them anywhere or provide any of the foods they like or buy clothes they like. LOL.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Both difficult child and easy child can get like this. Not a lot of fun. With easy child it doesn't happen often but it does with difficult child. Ah the joy!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Both difficult child and easy child can get like this. Not a lot of fun. With easy child it doesn't happen often but it does with difficult child. Ah the joy!
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You could be describing N at her finest. Except she never learned not to raise her voice.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Linda, I can identify!
    Interesting that you could be an observer rather than a participant.
    My sympathies, for sure.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    This episode had been one of several over the last week or so that I was able to just sit & observe. I must say that it's different being on the "clinical", for lack of a better word, side of things. Just watching & making notes for psychiatrist & therapist.

    Glad to know that I'm in such awesome company. Keep the faith all - it's SUPPOSED to get better. :smile:
  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I can definitely relate to this!!! Sometimes, just asking difficult child 2 to do the smallest thing, can set him off too. difficult child 1 used to be like this before he was medicated.

    You're right - Living with this is definitely not my idea of a good time... :hammer: However, you've made me think... In a way, it almost makes me feel badly for difficult child 2... No one in their "right" mind would have a full-blown "tantrum" over being asked to bring in the newspaper... :hammer: ... WFEN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    I'm sorry Linda.
    You are such a strong person :bravo:
    Prayers for you and kt

  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know... similar story, when we were in the car yesterday, difficult child had another tantrum, throwing things, yelling, etc. because instead of untying his shoes, putting them on, and retying them, he shoved his feet in and couldn't get them in.
    Why do they do everything the hard way? And then not comprehend that they're making it harder? I have lots of Q for the neuro doctor and child psychiatric.