Thanks to all for your support. This road has been rough the last couple of years. SS10 has been in and out of counseling since he was three. He's probably seen four or five counselors. Some long term, some short. No significant positive changes were seen. Some of the counselors even enabled the behavior. The school enables the behavior as well.
His mom died from pancreatic cancer when he had just turned seven. Many people, including her parents, tell me she couldn't handle him. They gave in to the temper tantrums just to get him to stop.
I entered the picture and changed everything. The household rules, the food they ate, educational expectations, behavioral expectations, hygiene expectations...massive changes all the way around. I know that this upheaval has been hard on both boys. SS6 has adjusted well and, for the most part, is compliant and even helpful. Sometimes he tries on SS10's bad habits and defiance, but quickly learns it's not worth it and changes back to his happy-go-lucky self. SS10 fights everything.
I love my husband, but his parenting style and mine are vastly different. When the boys were younger, he worked two jobs and went to school, so the majority of the parenting fell to his wife. He and she had different opinions on how to discipline the boys, and he deferred to her. Flash forward to today...he is now leaning how to actively parent his boys with firmness, consistency and love. Sometimes it's hard for him to follow through because he is forgetful and old habits die hard, but he is trying very hard to change.
Last night was scary, and I told my husband so. I told him SS10 needs to be evaluated, and he agrees. Although this was the worst episode of behavior I have seen from SS10, it is not the first time. He had an episode a couple of weeks ago that prompted my husband to put us all back into counseling again. Our first session was this week. I hope it goes better this time than it did last time.
Anyway, thanks, again, to everyone. I hope you all have a pleasant Saturday.