we start counseling again tmrw

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i hope everyone's well and not freaking over this swine flu thing. I know how much anxiety it can cause, if we let it. I've been feeling it. I hate not being able to know what will happen. kills me.

    so, boyfriend and i go back into couples counseling tomorrow. i gotta be honest i have no clue if it'll help, yet i'm willing to try it for a bit.

    our relationship has been like a roller coaster ride. thank goodness he works more than he's here. it's so odd we function incredibly well with-the 5 kids together it's amazing. yet there are so many issues, so very many that have not been handled and if we have a good 3 days we tank again due to the fact they were never handled.

    i'm getting tired of it and needed to vent. it caues me great stress on and off i gotta say inbetween the struggles with difficult child, easy child and my own stuff.

    i just dont' know what type of clarity or understanding will be derived at this point from weekly therapy. especially since my attitude at this point stinks. she'll have to be one good therapist.

    life's just so short, ya know? i dont' trust him after what he's done in past, he can't except that and round and round we go. i can't stand the situation with his ex, i think it's insane and i'm sick of that also. kids i love though, his that is. their a pain in the rearend at times, like alot of children yet i have grown to love them. my kids are happy here. yet that isn't enough of a reason if i'm not happy.

    just hoping that this therapy helps and wondering what time limit i can set to it. meanwhile i have to start getting my stuff in order finally so i can handle things if i am alone.

    thanks for listening just had to get that off my chest, and what better place than here :)
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Jena, sounds like an excellent thing to me. Too many people just throw in the towel and don't try to make things work. Sounds like you are trying!
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks i appreciate your excitement, yet alot of my friends here know the long and bumpy road that has occured. i'm just tired.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope you find the best counselor ever! Where there is love, there is hope. Of course there are a lot of issues, there always are. But if the both of you care enough to work on them together that's everything in my book. Thinking of you and wishing you the best. You deserve it. Love, ML
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jen, I really like the fact that you can recognize that love is not enough to hold things together.

    Add to an already difficult past between you and boyfriend a few kiddos (some with issues) and it makes life very difficult indeed. Seems like you never really have the time to work out your own stuff, just between you and boyfriend, because you're always caring for everyone else. Then add your health issues and work issues. It's a lot and can easily become overwhelming. I can TOTALLY relate.

    I think that the ongoing theme is always that we have to care for ourselves better and sometimes everything else will suffer a little bit, though not catastrophically so. When we care for ourselves first and foremost, we're better equipped to handle the rest. Sometimes, we avoid caring for ourselves because, quite honestly, we don't know how. We've been caring for others for so long that suddenly when someone says, "Take care of you first" we're like, "Huh? What do you mean?" and "Where do I begin?"

    *I hope you realize I'm talking about myself here* heheh.

    Jen, go into the counseling with an open mind. Remember that it helps move things along if we can be honest with ourselves, the counselor and our partner about our role in everything. I went back to counseling a few months ago. H sees his own counselor. Now my counselor wants us to see a third person together. It's so expensive and to be honest, I don't know if I have the desire to bother. But I will give it this last shot I guess. I don't know; we haven't really talked about what we're going to do. I think H is just happy that I haven't started divorce proceedings and I still live with him. It doesn't seem to matter that our relationship is blah at best. Seems the one thing that drove us apart isn't even the number one reason I am unhappy in my marriage.

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and send lots of hugs. Didn't mean to ramble off on my own stuff, haha, just wanted you to know you're not alone.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jen, I hear you.
    It's great that you're in counseling.
    Why not be honest? Just say it like you said it here: "I'm tired."
    Hugs and tons of luck.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you guys are the best, hope you are all giong to the get together thing for the board.

    I agree with all of you. Jo - thanks for taking the time to share all of that. Your great like that, you really are.

    Terry - yup tired covers it well LOL.

    It's the right thing to do i guess, we can't give up till we give it another round. We didn't last long in counseling last time.

    by the way i really am taking care of myself, with all tha'Tourette's Syndrome going on. heading to doctors getting answers, doing what i need to do for me.

    ((((Hugs to all of you)))