Weary...More Drama

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by scaredofhim, Apr 16, 2014.

  1. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    My other thread disappeared somehow but needed to start a new one anyway since this morning there was more drama with SS. BM took him to school, and says he had a "panic attack" and refused to go in and was having a serious meltdown. He told her that he would not go into the school unless she promised to have the babysitter come and get him. So she let him have his way and the babysitter picked him up so he is now at her house and NOT at school. And there happens to be a meeting this afternoon for an IEP for SS. The school district has already turned her down for special education for him, because despite what she has been telling husband and I, his grades are not bad. He just made the A and B honor roll, and the teachers say his classroom behavior is totally fine other than falling asleep in class and not participating. She told husband and I that he was failing all his classes and was a discipline problem at school, which according to the school is not true at all. The only discipline problem is these before school meltdowns when he gets to the school in the morning. SS is smart, he knows EXACTLY what he is doing. He promised husband and I over the weekend that he would go to school every day the rest of the year and not give BM a hard time about it. So he goes to school Monday and Tuesday and then pulls this crap today. So now BM is calling husband all worked up saying now the school will kick him out and make him go to this court ordered program for unruly kids. Well in my opinion that is what he needs!!! She was told by SS's dr. months ago to file the unruly child charges and she still hasn't done it. I am beyond frustrated this morning. This child has some very serious issues and is probably going to wind up in juvie if she doesn't put him in residential treatment. He is going to hurt someone. husband and I had SS here at our home this past weekend. husband had to work on Saturday and I was here with SS alone. He had the video game turned up very loud and was talking very loud to whoever he was playing the video game with, plus he had music up loud as well. We live in a condo with very thin walls, and went to the bottom of the stairs five times and asked him very nicely to turn it down. He would turn it down and as soon as I got away from the stairs and back into the kitchen, he would turn it right back up. After the fifth time of asking him to keep it down, I went upstairs and very nicely asked him to turn everything down and to please keep his voice down, and he swung around and glared at me and said, "This is just the way I am!!" The look in his eyes was frightening and I was really scared because husband wasn't here and I thought SS was getting ready to go over the edge into a meltdown. As calmly as I could, I explained ONCE again (I have told him this many times before) that because we live in this condo where we have neighbors on both sides, he needs to keep things at a low volume on the weekends he is here. He said nothing else and I went back downstairs thankful that it didn't escalate any further. He kept it turned down for about ten minutes, then the volume went right back up. I never said anything else to him because I was afraid of a more serious confrontation with him and husband was still at work. I do not like being alone with him, it scares me, and husband knows this. But if husband refuses to work Saturdays he could lose his job. husband really needs to stop bringing him here, it is not safe for me, it's not safe for either of us. It is a terrible thing not to feel safe in your own home. :(
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Personally I would not want to be alone with him either.

    BM may be held responsible for his attendance issues. If so good! She needs to pull her head out of the sand and do what needs to be done. SS is not a 6 year old. He doesn't need to be at home with a babysitter instead of at school. That is just ridiculous.
  3. TiredSoul

    TiredSoul Warrior Mom since 2007

    I forget is he on any medications for anxiety? Sounds like he is very anxious about school. He also sounds bored by school (good grades, falling asleep) and anxiety again (not participating in class). Is there another school he could go to?

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  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Personally, nothing could make me be alone with him. I'd leave and tell husband that my plan was to leave. He could hurt you. This is not a crabby six year old. This is a violent budding teen.If husband wants to be with him so badly, then why is he working? He can get another job and HE can spend time with SS. You are not strong enough physically to be alone with him. It is appalling that your husband even allows it. I'd be beyond fed up with husband.

    And, yes, he will end up in residential treatment and it will be a great day for all. I really can't blame bio. mom for letting him go to the sitters house. She's probably as scared of him as you are. It is probably not wise to cross him. Usually I don't advocate giving in to children, but this child is not exactly a normal child in any way. This kid is well on his way to having no conscience, if that hasn't already happened. Around people like that, you need to just let them do what they want to do or disappear fast. They don't care who they hurt if you get in their way.

    I give him a year tops before he is in residential or juvie.
  5. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    Well the IEP was not granted for SS. His grades and classroom behavior do not warrant one. But the school did put in place something called a Behavioral plan for him. They are actually going to set up van service just for SS to pick him up at home every morning and bring him home from school each afternoon. That takes bio mom out of the equation of driving him to school and having to drag him out of the car screaming every morning. SS also saw his psychiatrist yesterday and was put on Prozac for his anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). They are also going to let SS do a job at school to earn a little money, take him and others on the behavioral plan on field trips, etc. I guess the aim is to make school more interesting and make him want to go. Do I think it will work? Not really. Not wanting to attend school is just part of the many problems he has. It's not going to stop the meltdowns and violence when he doesn't get his way. I would like to believe that this behavioral plan will work and things will improve, but I am not hopeful. He is going to have a neuropsychologist exam scheduled, the psychologist thinks it is very necessary and so do we. And the psychologist also thinks that SS may have Asperger's. husband and I thought that maybe Asperger's was his problem way back when, but when he was hospitalized they ruled that out. But maybe he does have it, I don't know. Time will tell I guess.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    He may have Aspergers. But Aspergers kids are mostly really VERY sweet.

    He may have more than one problem. Aspergers would not explain violent, defiant behavior at his age.
  7. Castle Queen

    Castle Queen Warrior in training

    Sounds like they really don't know WHAT he has. But be careful...from what I've heard bipolar and SSRI's can be a terrible mix. Have they ruled out bipolar or is that still in the mix too?
  8. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    I agree Midwest Mom...he definitely has more than one problem. Castle Queen, bipolar is still in the mix. The psychiatrist is very sure that he is bipolar. I had also heard that bipolar and SSRI's are not a good combination so we will see what happens with that. I know Celexa is not good with bipolar and he was on that one before then the dr. took him off. So now the dr. put him on Prozac. Hopefully it won't make things worse, they are bad enough as it is.
  9. TiredSoul

    TiredSoul Warrior Mom since 2007

    Has he ever taken Abilify?

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  10. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    Jules71 he has been on Abilify for quite some time now. Doesn't really seem to help much.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son trialed many medications over the years. It wasn't until he was in 7th grade and hospitalized 3 times in 3 months that they decided to trial a medication rarely used anymore. For us it has been a godsend. He is still a difficult child and always will be, however, the violence is almost completely gone. The medication he is on is Clozapine. The reason it is rarely used is it can cause white blood cell problems (I think that is it). For the first year and a half he had to have weekly blood draws. Even now he has monthly blood draws. He is on a national registry for people using this medication.

    The way our psychiatrist put it was that this was the "cadillac " of anti-psychotics at one time. However due to the small number of people who developed severe side effect it is rarely used.