Welcome Coffee Girl

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by coffeegirl, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. coffeegirl

    coffeegirl New Member

    My husband and I adopted a now 7 year old, who has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD),PTSD, and Anxiety Disorder. We suspect she also has a spectrum of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), due to the bio mom's drug/alcochol use with her three other children ( they were born addicted to crack cocaine). First 6 months were very up and down mood wise. Both her bio parents have Bipolar Disorder. She receives weekly therapy, once a a month visit with the psychitrist. Counselor and psychiatric work together. While our daughters behavior has improved, still have big issues with lying, taking things that aren't hers, manipulative, anxiety attacks, sensory issues. List continues...
    Her moods are very exhausting. We also adopted her half brother by blood. He has none of the problems of his sister, even though he was born addicted to crack coccaine. You never know if she will happy and or if she will be mad, attempt to take her anger out on others.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Sorry I popped in so late, but I was wondering if this child was exposed to any sort of substance while her birthmother was pregnant. That can cause
    all sorts of behavior and/or learning problems. We have one adopted child who came to us at two and tested positive for cocaine when he was born. He has a form of autism...he is now eighteen. Your son reminds me of a child who could have been exposed to alcohol, which could put him on the fetal alcohol spectrum. Those k ids simply can not (not will not, but can not) learn right from wrong and need constant monitoring to stay out of trouble. I agree that Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) could be on the table here. He has had many changes in his life at a very early age and that does affect our little ones. It could, and probably is, several things. Very rarely is there one issue going on with our precious babies. They usually are hard to diagnose too.

    Another thing to consider is, the biological parents. Do you know anything about them? One thing I learned, which I found interesting and true, is that our adopted kids are usually/often (take your pick) more like their biological parents, even if they have never laid eyes on them, then they are like us. Their impulsivity, likes/dislikes, behaviors are often very much like their birthparents. Of course, how we raise them affects them too, but people who have seen their kids reunite almost all come back shaking their heads at how much they are like their biological parents. This can be good or bad, depending on what the bio. parents are like. It can mean a predisposition to mental illness.

    Can you give us more background so we can make better suggestions? If you are going to have her evaluated, I highly recommend a neuropsychologist. They spend hours with your child (6-10) and test in every category of function and also behavior. They tend to catch things that other professionals often miss.

    I hope this was helpful. I am on the run back to work so I apologize if I am being repetitious. Please keep in touch!
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Coffeegirl,

    Just wanted to welcome you and let you know that I moved your post to your own thread so that more people would see it because you had posted on a very old thread.

    Dealing with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is so difficult. My son, who is also adopted, had a birth mom who used crack cocaine. He also is diagnosis with bipolar, probably has Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), and a huge amount of learning issues. He is probably somewhere on the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) spectrum as well. Know that you are not alone and will find much support here. (((hugs)))
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard, Coffeegirl. I have no personal knowledge to share with you but I've been here for over ten years and I know there are some wonderful parents who have faced the same issues. Some have had success. Some have not been successful. All of them have been loving and caring people. Soon you'll get experienced support. Meanwhile I just want to let you know that I've read your post, am glad you found us and hope there is a positive outcome. Hugs DDD
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome Coffee Girl,

    My children were all adopted from foster care as well. Do you have a safety plan in place to keep your son safe from her?
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Coffeegirl.
    Boy, you have your hands full!
    I would expect your daughter's behaviors to continue for several yrs. It's pretty amazing that you've even gotten some of it under control by this point. BRAVO!!! by the way, please do not take it personally if she continues to steal and lie. That doesn't mean she doesn't really want to live with-you forever. She is testing you in the only way she knows how. She has taught herself survival skills that do not mesh with-a "normal" way of life. Be patient, and stick with-us.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi coffeegirl, I too have a son adopted from foster care with a diagnosis of attachment disorder. Welcome. Hope you can find comfort and support here, this place is crawling with kindness and great advice! WELCOME!