Well, I should have known

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, May 5, 2007.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Okay, this is trivial. I know that. It's just that I don't understand why she does stuff like this.

    If you read my empty nest post, you know that difficult child spent the night here Thursday night to help me with my Friday garage sale. husband was out of town having started his new job last week and I needed help hauling stuff out of the garage.

    difficult child did get up early that morning and helped me carry the tables out to the driveway and covered during my bathroom breaks (I took the money inside with me).

    Other than that she laid on the couch watching television and kept the dog company so she wouldn't bark to be outside with me.

    Later that day, she asked if she could use some of my makeup to get ready for work. I said okay and she specifically asked about my concealer. She went in to put on her makeup and I didn't supervise.

    This morning, when I went to put on my makeup, the concealer was missing. Now this is expensive stuff ($40 a tube) but it lasts forever since I use it sparingly. I looked everywhere for it hoping that I had misplaced it but came to the realization that difficult child had helped herself to it.

    Now, I know this is not grand theft larceny and in the big difficult child scheme of things, this is nothing. But it still hurts that she feels free to help herself to my stuff. I would never think of doing that to her.

    I called her and very carefully phrased it as asking where she had put my concealer since I couldn't find it. I told her that she must have put it back in a different place than normal. At first, she said that she didn't know anything about it. Again, I carefully phrased it as maybe she had picked it up and put it with her stuff and hadn't realized it and asked if she would check. That's when she said, "Oh, maybe it got mixed up with my makeup. I'll check later cause my makeup bag is still in my car."

    So I haven't heard back from her but I know in my heart of heart that there was no mixup. This is what she does. There are no boundaries for her. Luckily, I watched the money from the garage sale like a hawk. I even took it with me when I ran out to get us lunch after the garage sale was over.

    To top it off, she asked me on the phone if we would buy her a new tire since she had "helped" me with the garage sale. When will she stop this kind of stuff?

  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>You are wise to have watched the money. She may have not learned any lessons but you learned a ton from your experiences with her.
    I posted in General about difficult child. Old behaviors die hard.</span>
  3. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #000099"> sorry, kathy. seems some habits die hard. the logical question would have been why did she need to use your makeup if she had hers with-her? :rolleyes:

    so frustrating that she persists in this stuff.

    </span> </span> </span>
  4. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member


    What a mean thing for her to have done.

    Something tells me it's going to cost her more than she thinks, though.

    Trust is so hard to regain.

    Is anything else missing? Any of easy child's things?

  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Others may find it trivial, but I understand why you are upset. These are your things that cost you money and difficult child's don't think twice about helping themselves to things like that. It's like they feel it's no big deal that it will now cost you money to replace it. You were very wise to keep the money with you at all times.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    :grrr: :nonono: :grrr: :nonono: :grrr:


    :grrr: :nonono: :grrr: :nonono: :grrr:

  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    kris ~ She was out of concealer. That was why she specifically asked me if she could use mine. I guess she has some now, huh?

  8. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    this is exactly the kind of thing my difficult child 1 would do and has done. I don't think she would have even admitted she might have it though--would have acted totally innocent. I don't know if they will ever learn....
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    This is the same behavior my difficult child displays time and time again. The boundary issues drive me nuts. If he wants it, he should have it---no matter who it belongs to. I wish I knew the answer to how to solve---but I can sympathize with the irritation it causes.
  10. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    This brought to mind an occasion when my son, having run out of bathroom spray, decided that it made perfect sense to help himself to my CHANEL #5 and use that instead! Couldn't understand what MY problem was...
  11. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I think you handled this well if there is any chance you will get it back. On the occasion that this should happen again, I would plan on locking everything away from her and be conveniently "out" of the expensive stuff......

    Frankly, I would not let her back into the house without constant supervision. It is just irritating that she would be so thoughtless as to assume you would not miss this. Especially since the trail would lead directly to her......
  12. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I'm so sorry she's still doing this to you. I do know the feeling, mine still does the same. I'm not sure if it will ever change.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I got it back. It turned out that it was in her makeup bag. She doesn't know how it got in there. Right.

    I knew that if I accused her of taking it she would have denied it forever. By giving her the chance of "finding" it she was able to give it back.

    I did tell her that it reminded me of her old behaviors and she denied it. This time it was just an "accident."

    Uh huh, okay, whatever. At least I have it back.

    As far as letting her back in the house unsupervised, it won't happen again anytime soon. I did make sure all money and credit cards were well hidden.

    I did have another scare a little while ago when I couldn't find my wedding ring set. It was my grandmother's and has a lot of sentimental value to me. My heart just sunk when it wasn't where I usually put them when I take them off. However, I found them a little while later mixed in with my earrings. I did scoop them all off my nightstand and drop them in together.

    I don't know if I ever could have forgiven her if she had stolen them. How sad that I had to suspect her right away.

  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">She doesn't know how it got in there. </div></div>

    Oh honestly, if I had a nickel for every similar lame-brained comment like that Rob made, I'd be a rich woman. :hammer:

    :grrr:How the heck do you THINK it got there, difficult child??? :grrr:

    .....ARRGGHHHH!!!!...struck a nerve, I guess...

  15. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Kathy, I know just how you feel---my daughter used to do that to me ALL the time. husband never could understand how I'd get so upset over something so "trivial" (it wouldn't be so trivial if it was HIS stuff)!

    She doesn't take my stuff anymore, but was helping herself to easy child's things when she came over for a visit. She tried to "borrow" (but it never comes back) some clothes of easy child's about a month ago, while easy child was at work. I stopped her. She tried to mouth off to me and to tell me it was between her and easy child. I said that easy child wasn't home, and since she's my minor child, and it was my job to protect her. She shut up after that.

    By the way, taking what doesn't belong to you is never trivial. My daughter has "stolen" lots of money by not paying her bills and creditors. One day, it will catch up to her.
  16. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    ooooh I am getting riled up right along with you.

    Basset Hound would wait until I was asleep and take my CAR...
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Oh my! I totally understand. My difficult child#1 used to take all my things. My husband would buy me expensive perfume that I would only wear for special occasions and she would take it and use it for school. She was always into my cosmetics and never replaced them or returned them. It hurt so much to be violated in that way. now she is married and on her own. Her husband works very hard to keep her in "products" -RM
  18. tandem biker

    tandem biker New Member

    It's the sense of entitlement that just slays me. For example, difficult child last year decided she was entitled to husband's gift from a neighbor (for helping her pump 200,000+ gallons of water off her lot) of $150.00 in movie tickets and concession items. Of course, she denied it up and down that she had taken it but low and behold, the card and receipt for what remained on the card ($2.50) was in her apt when we cleaned her out for the upteenth time.

    It's really no wonder we always think of them when anything and everything winds up missing or misplaced. They know that at any given time you'll not remember each and everything you have or where it is. By the time we do, how can we prove that they took it??

    "I knew that if I accused her of taking it she would have denied it forever. By giving her the chance of "finding" it she was able to give it back." This method has worked before for us too but I have to grit my teeth to ask because I know that things are TAKEN and not meant to be BORROWED. I'm not sure it's that they necessary want everything they take, it just seems that they don't want you or PCs to have them either.

    Glad you got it back. We stick to the same motto: Never allowed in the house alone and no $ left out that she'd spy and grab.

  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My grandmother left my easy child daughter a diamond ring when she passed away, to be given to her when she turned 18. I wore it for awhile, then I think put it in my jewelry box, and of course it's been missing for a long time. The thing is, I'm not quite sure I put it in my jewelry box as it was a few years back, long before difficult child's addiction. I discovered it missing long before his addiction also, so never thought he took it, just thought somehow it got misplaced. I'm sure now I know what happened to it, but to even question him now, would be a complete waste of time. My grandmother left me a cocktail ring with 3 diamonds in it. One I had put into a ring for myself and I still have two left, so I will give one of them to easy child when she turns 18.
  20. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>We have a safe and all valuables go there. I got tired of thinking I misplaced things, never to see them again, unless I care to visit the pawn shops.....

    I really thought I was getting early alzheimers.....</span>

    :faint: :nonono: