klmno
Active Member
I went to bed around 10:00 or so which is earlier than I've been going. difficult child came in my room around 1:00am to get one of the dogs. (He was asleep when I went to bed.) It woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep until almost 5:00.
Then, I overslept- I wouldn't have worried much about it because let's face it, difficult child has not been going to school. But, here comes difficult child at 9:00 saying I need to get up and take him to school. I got up, had a couple cups of coffee while he was getting ready and the phone rings. It was the coordinator who oversees the local community "team".
She was very informative and I explained why I didn't want to use the mental health or Department of Juvenile Justice/PO route to get help. I asked if there was any option to get help other than this community team and she said not that she knew of but I could ask the school.
If I pursue the team help, it would start off with an informal brainstorming session where people from different agencies threw out their ideas of assistance they could provide. At this point and being that it isn't court ordered, I could think about them and decide myself what to accept or not. If I accept anything, there will be a copay required from me. She didn't say it directly, but it sounded like if I accept help, then that agency or the cm could put requirements on us then.
She said that whoever made the referral would be the case manager on the team and the cm leads the team and is the one in charge of it. So, if I went thru mental health, the cm would be the county mental health rep and I would have to change difficult child's providers to the county providers (I had already been told that). She said the school could only refer difficult child and be the cm if it became a truancy issue. Well, I think we could go that route now, but if he's listed as being truant, I tend to think that will make PO take over the whole thing anyway because that would be a violation of his probation.
She suggested that I go thru the PO and get her to refer it. She said that makes the PO the cm. I was just saying "oh, no, no, no..." (I cringe at the thought of some 20-something who apparently thinks mental health problems are really a lack of self-control and who thinks she's an expert on child-rearing because she married someone who brought 3 young ones to the marriage- not to mention that she thinks I know nothing and it is her job and obligation to teach me and she feels the need to verify every word I tell her because I might be lieing and she criticizes me for being too lenient then criticizes me for being over-protective then criticizes me for not being accountable for what difficult child does, etc) and THAT'S WHO WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF THE TEAM???? NO, NO, NO.
I asked the lady what the team does when families need to put the child in placement outside the home temporarily. She said they rarely do that and it is only in extreme circumstances- where the child is classified as violent and is a danger. I said that's when I take him to ER but he only stays a week. She said correct, but then if he needed more than a week, that is when they look at residential placement. I asked about temporary foster care. She said that was only used when the kid was removed from home for abuse or neglect by parents and she could tell that this was not our situation. (I jokingly said "not yet") Then I asked what happens when a family reached financial devastation and needed to place the child temporarily to have time to get back on their feet. She said they do not place them in those situations but they might look at having the kid stay with a family member a while (GULP). She said it's just a bad situation and sometimes they will look to get help from other outside, private community places for the family. But, that's it.
She suggested again just talking to the PO because she said it would more than likely end up being her as the cm. I asked about crisis situations and she said the PO could get MST services. I said we been there done that and whether or not it is all MST people or just that guy- he didn't want to do anything but take over everything in difficult child's life and put us on a behavior contract., and I asked for a re-hearing and got the judge to get rid of it. She then said well, maybe the school can think of something else.
So, after that long conversation, I got myself ready and as we were leaving for me to take difficult child to school, the principal called and left message on answering machine. (She had been out all week until today because she's been sick.) I didn't take the call and when I dropped difficult child off, they said the principal was on the phone, so I left a message asking that she call or email me when she had a chance for us to talk a few mins.
Maybe I should just take the little I have left, get a small, inexpensive (HA) apartment, let them foreclose on the house and file for bankruptcy?? I don't know.
All these people I'm discussing this with are taking my name, difficult child's name, what school he goes to, PO's name, and difficult child's psychiatrist/therapist's name. They are all telling me that they won't notify any of these people (really, I only care about PO being notified), and that they can't because they don;t have release forms, but I know people discuss things without release forms quite often around here- the county people do anyway. It concerns me- but on the other hand, it might end up "covering" me in the future too, that I called and tried to get help for us, Know what I mean?? Anyway, I'm pretty sure that it's unrealistic to think that no one at the courts (judge, gal, po) is going to catch wind of all my phone calls about this.
I'm going to try to re-group for a few mins then I'm going to work for a while- until it's time for difficult child to come home from school...
Then, I overslept- I wouldn't have worried much about it because let's face it, difficult child has not been going to school. But, here comes difficult child at 9:00 saying I need to get up and take him to school. I got up, had a couple cups of coffee while he was getting ready and the phone rings. It was the coordinator who oversees the local community "team".
She was very informative and I explained why I didn't want to use the mental health or Department of Juvenile Justice/PO route to get help. I asked if there was any option to get help other than this community team and she said not that she knew of but I could ask the school.
If I pursue the team help, it would start off with an informal brainstorming session where people from different agencies threw out their ideas of assistance they could provide. At this point and being that it isn't court ordered, I could think about them and decide myself what to accept or not. If I accept anything, there will be a copay required from me. She didn't say it directly, but it sounded like if I accept help, then that agency or the cm could put requirements on us then.
She said that whoever made the referral would be the case manager on the team and the cm leads the team and is the one in charge of it. So, if I went thru mental health, the cm would be the county mental health rep and I would have to change difficult child's providers to the county providers (I had already been told that). She said the school could only refer difficult child and be the cm if it became a truancy issue. Well, I think we could go that route now, but if he's listed as being truant, I tend to think that will make PO take over the whole thing anyway because that would be a violation of his probation.
She suggested that I go thru the PO and get her to refer it. She said that makes the PO the cm. I was just saying "oh, no, no, no..." (I cringe at the thought of some 20-something who apparently thinks mental health problems are really a lack of self-control and who thinks she's an expert on child-rearing because she married someone who brought 3 young ones to the marriage- not to mention that she thinks I know nothing and it is her job and obligation to teach me and she feels the need to verify every word I tell her because I might be lieing and she criticizes me for being too lenient then criticizes me for being over-protective then criticizes me for not being accountable for what difficult child does, etc) and THAT'S WHO WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF THE TEAM???? NO, NO, NO.
I asked the lady what the team does when families need to put the child in placement outside the home temporarily. She said they rarely do that and it is only in extreme circumstances- where the child is classified as violent and is a danger. I said that's when I take him to ER but he only stays a week. She said correct, but then if he needed more than a week, that is when they look at residential placement. I asked about temporary foster care. She said that was only used when the kid was removed from home for abuse or neglect by parents and she could tell that this was not our situation. (I jokingly said "not yet") Then I asked what happens when a family reached financial devastation and needed to place the child temporarily to have time to get back on their feet. She said they do not place them in those situations but they might look at having the kid stay with a family member a while (GULP). She said it's just a bad situation and sometimes they will look to get help from other outside, private community places for the family. But, that's it.
She suggested again just talking to the PO because she said it would more than likely end up being her as the cm. I asked about crisis situations and she said the PO could get MST services. I said we been there done that and whether or not it is all MST people or just that guy- he didn't want to do anything but take over everything in difficult child's life and put us on a behavior contract., and I asked for a re-hearing and got the judge to get rid of it. She then said well, maybe the school can think of something else.
So, after that long conversation, I got myself ready and as we were leaving for me to take difficult child to school, the principal called and left message on answering machine. (She had been out all week until today because she's been sick.) I didn't take the call and when I dropped difficult child off, they said the principal was on the phone, so I left a message asking that she call or email me when she had a chance for us to talk a few mins.
Maybe I should just take the little I have left, get a small, inexpensive (HA) apartment, let them foreclose on the house and file for bankruptcy?? I don't know.
All these people I'm discussing this with are taking my name, difficult child's name, what school he goes to, PO's name, and difficult child's psychiatrist/therapist's name. They are all telling me that they won't notify any of these people (really, I only care about PO being notified), and that they can't because they don;t have release forms, but I know people discuss things without release forms quite often around here- the county people do anyway. It concerns me- but on the other hand, it might end up "covering" me in the future too, that I called and tried to get help for us, Know what I mean?? Anyway, I'm pretty sure that it's unrealistic to think that no one at the courts (judge, gal, po) is going to catch wind of all my phone calls about this.
I'm going to try to re-group for a few mins then I'm going to work for a while- until it's time for difficult child to come home from school...
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