Saunder1540
New Member
Looking for help on how to affect a positive change in our addicted son. He has already turned 18 and we know that we cannot force him into a program, and of course he will not accept any intervention. He completely denies any drug use.
We were clueless until September 25th of 2011. We received the call from the state police that he had been arrested for a DWI. He was supposed to be home in bed. He had a friend stay over that night and after we went to bed they got drunk and stole my car. We were unaware of anything and thought this was an isolated stupid kid stunt. We helped with a lawyer and sent him to all the classes, and he actually came out of it all with only a speeding ticket. We took away his driving privledges, punished him to the house with no interaction with friends outside of school. It all seemed to have a positive effect....for a while.
In January he had turned 18. He had started a job welding in a school/work half day program. We had begun to allow him to drive to work and home. The day after his 18th birthday we let him drive to church with a friend. That is the first time we found out about the drug usage. We found out he had purchased and used K2 the very first day we gave him freedom. It went down hill fast from there. He admitted off and on pot smoking since middle school!!!! He said he was not using anymore and said it was the first time he had used K2 and didnt like it...bla bla bla... We kinda bought it again but were skeptical.
Now he was 18 and the battles started. Not so much about drugs, but power and control. He began isolating himself from family more and more. We were positive he was drinking, and skeptical about the drugs. He became more and more defiant and agressive the closer he got to graduation. Then in April he was arrested again for alcohol. He had become very seperated from family and hard to get along with. Mood swings, agressive behavior, anger, and losing weight. All he cared about was getting out of high school and being with his friends.
He increasingly started ignoring our house rules and getting in confrontations with us that were verbal, but could have easily progressed. In Early July we went away and left his 22 year old brother and 23 year old sister in law here with him. He ignored them and made life hell. When we got home we had "another" serious talk with him. We tried to get him to consider military, college, counseling,...anything. He refused help and we couldn't even get him to discuss his future. When we broke it down to him that he had to follow our rules or he could not live here anymore his reply was...."your rules are stupid". We have told him he has to move out by the end of the month. Since then he has had his full time job reduced to two days a week and the motor in his truck has blown up.
We just discovered a cut off straw with one end wrapped in tape. His weight loss continues, he is pale and looks sick. He has mood swings, is getting into fights, and continues to be defiant and admittedly has no desire to follow anyones rules or laws. We have no doubt that its not just alcohol and pot, but much more.
What do you do when they are 18 and you can't force them into a program. We feel we have to put him out of the house because his defiance and drug use. We have another child at home. Anyone have any recommendations on how to get him help or is it too late until he decides he needs out of this lifestyle or is locked up and under the courts control.
We were clueless until September 25th of 2011. We received the call from the state police that he had been arrested for a DWI. He was supposed to be home in bed. He had a friend stay over that night and after we went to bed they got drunk and stole my car. We were unaware of anything and thought this was an isolated stupid kid stunt. We helped with a lawyer and sent him to all the classes, and he actually came out of it all with only a speeding ticket. We took away his driving privledges, punished him to the house with no interaction with friends outside of school. It all seemed to have a positive effect....for a while.
In January he had turned 18. He had started a job welding in a school/work half day program. We had begun to allow him to drive to work and home. The day after his 18th birthday we let him drive to church with a friend. That is the first time we found out about the drug usage. We found out he had purchased and used K2 the very first day we gave him freedom. It went down hill fast from there. He admitted off and on pot smoking since middle school!!!! He said he was not using anymore and said it was the first time he had used K2 and didnt like it...bla bla bla... We kinda bought it again but were skeptical.
Now he was 18 and the battles started. Not so much about drugs, but power and control. He began isolating himself from family more and more. We were positive he was drinking, and skeptical about the drugs. He became more and more defiant and agressive the closer he got to graduation. Then in April he was arrested again for alcohol. He had become very seperated from family and hard to get along with. Mood swings, agressive behavior, anger, and losing weight. All he cared about was getting out of high school and being with his friends.
He increasingly started ignoring our house rules and getting in confrontations with us that were verbal, but could have easily progressed. In Early July we went away and left his 22 year old brother and 23 year old sister in law here with him. He ignored them and made life hell. When we got home we had "another" serious talk with him. We tried to get him to consider military, college, counseling,...anything. He refused help and we couldn't even get him to discuss his future. When we broke it down to him that he had to follow our rules or he could not live here anymore his reply was...."your rules are stupid". We have told him he has to move out by the end of the month. Since then he has had his full time job reduced to two days a week and the motor in his truck has blown up.
We just discovered a cut off straw with one end wrapped in tape. His weight loss continues, he is pale and looks sick. He has mood swings, is getting into fights, and continues to be defiant and admittedly has no desire to follow anyones rules or laws. We have no doubt that its not just alcohol and pot, but much more.
What do you do when they are 18 and you can't force them into a program. We feel we have to put him out of the house because his defiance and drug use. We have another child at home. Anyone have any recommendations on how to get him help or is it too late until he decides he needs out of this lifestyle or is locked up and under the courts control.