What do you know about Borderline Personality Disorder?

[DammitJanet]

I think that is where therapy and getting a grip on the disorder come into play. A person who doesnt believe or acknowledge that they have or are Borderline (BPD) isnt going to think that they are doing all these things. They are going to be living their lives in these (I dont know how to phrase this) "active borderline personalities" maybe is a good way to put it.

I never realized that I was doing all that I did because I was bipolar or that I had Borderline (BPD). I just thought I had some stress or that my life was chaotic or that we were poor or any other of numerous reasons. I thought bipolar was people who talked to themselves or drooled in corners or jumped off buildings thinking they could fly. See how far Ive come!

When I found out about the Borderline (BPD), I almost stroked out. I cried for days because I thought that meant I was like Jeffrey Dahmer. Or Ted Bundy.

Then I learned. I learned about the bipolar first. I got medicated first and that helped some. Lots of folks here who have known me from when I first joined know about my medication trials. Some of them werent real pleasant. I had many ups and downs. I had many times I wanted to give up. There has been a close few on here that have literally held my hand cyberally while I cried my eyes out begging me not to give up for just one more day. Then I decided..or was pushed into therapy and that really helped me even though I resisted it mightily at first. I have a bit of ODD about me. They say that Borderline (BPD) people are hard on therapists and that Borderline (BPD) people are extremely resistant to therapy because they dont want to change and they will just quit going so I decided that I wouldnt be one of those. I would go to therapy to prove that a Borderline (BPD) "could" keep going to therapy...lol. Showed them didnt I? Well I did until my funding ran out. Sigh.

I happen to be one of the most treatment compliant mentally ill people on the planet which is not always the case.

 

[DaisyFace]

I think that is where therapy and getting a grip on the disorder come into play. A person who doesnt believe or acknowledge that they have or are Borderline (BPD) isnt going to think that they are doing all these things. They are going to be living their lives in these (I dont know how to phrase this) "active borderline personalities" maybe is a good way to put it.

They say that Borderline (BPD) people are hard on therapists and that Borderline (BPD) people are extremely resistant to therapy because they dont want to change and they will just quit going so I decided that I wouldnt be one of those. I would go to therapy to prove that a Borderline (BPD) "could" keep going to therapy...lol.

Yes. This is how it has been explained to me. BPDs do not particpate in treatment because trying to convince them that THEY are the ones with a problem is like trying to convince them that the chair upon which they are sitting does not exist. It is an argument that you cannot win. And the more you try to convince a Borderline (BPD) to seek treatment, the harder you try to push them to take action - the more likely they are to decide that you are a "bad" person who is out to get them.

Meanwhile, the Borderline (BPD) person continues to respond to others in extreme ways - clearly needing help of some kind...yet the more you try to help them, the worse they respond.

I happen to be one of the most treatment compliant mentally ill people on the planet which is not always the case.

Janet--

If you don't mind me asking - what was it that convinced you to seek therapy in the first place?

And now that you have been through therapy - what are the biggest changes that you notice in your life?

(It's OK if you don't want to share....)

 

[HaoZi]

by the way, I'd like to thank everyone for being so open about this. My sis was diagnosis'd with it, though I'm not sure how accurate it is, and I see stripes of me there, too. I know that doesn't mean it is by any stretch, but info helps understanding either way.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im extremely tired tonite and have taken medications already. Im gonna answer tomorrow when I can make coherent sentences...lol.

 

[DammitJanet]

Are you asking me what caused me to seek treatment or just therapy? The answers are different.

I actually sought treatment for myself a couple of times. Once when the boys were maybe late elementary school I went to county mental health and attempted to get help because it was so hard dealing with them but all they did was stick me on prozac and then when I asked about some therapy...well that was a disaster. I was very hesitant to even tell the woman a quarter of what I was feeling and she flat told me I was too severe for anything they could offer me. LOL. I left and never looked back. I took the prozac for about two weeks but it left me feeling so badly I quit.

In February of 99, I had a really horrible thing happen to me at work. Basically I was sexually harassed. My supervisor and the program manager called me into my supervisor's office which was a very small office, closed the door and told me that there had been complaints that my pants were too tight, torn and that I wasnt wearing undergarments. I was made to prove that I didnt have any holes in my pants by letting them inspect my pants all over including my crotch and showing my bra and panties. I was also told I was too overweight to wear the knit pants that I wore even though over half the employee's at the agency wore similar attire.

I was completely humiliated and in tears by the time I left that office. Oh...my supervisor was male and the program manager was female. It brought back all the rape feelings plus within two days the news of this spread all over the 300+ employee agency.

I went to a private therapist in another county and the first thing out of his mouth was that he wouldnt see me if this was for litigation purposes. At that moment it hadnt even occurred to me but later I did think about it but I couldnt find any lawyer to take on the county. Anyway, the therapist told me to go to my family dr and get a script for an AD. My family doctor put me on Serzone which was a complete disaster for me. OMG. It sent me into one of the worst manic episodes I can even imagine. Serzone is known for not only being not sexually neutral but it is sexually stimulating. I was eying the filing cabinets...lol. I didnt sleep for days and was on the computer for hours on end in sex chats. It was awful.

This was also when my fibro was getting extremely bad. I had been in a car accident in 97 and hadnt gotten any better since then. Around June of 99 I crashed. I had been going non-stop with the mania since about April, the pain was awful, I had almost ruined my home life...and one day I just looked at Tony and told him either he either took me to a shrink or I was driving into a semi. We went that day.

I started off on neurontin of all things. Then I switched to topamax. Topamax and wellbutrin held me for about two years until I started getting cortisone shots in my knees and we had to add lamictal to my mix and we took me off the wellbutrin at that time. When Jamie left for boot, my doctor put me on ativan. He firmly believed parents of kids in the military deserved ativan...lol.

I ended up in therapy because in 05 I lost medicaid because Cory aged turned 21. I was getting medicaid because I was the parent of a child under 21 who got medicaid. Because I had no income, I qualified. When I lost medicaid, I had to go on indigent care through county mental health and they pushed me into getting therapy. I went kicking and screaming because I had such a bad experience before. This time wasnt so bad.

Thats my story.

 

[DaisyFace]

Janet--

Wow! You have been through a lot!
And it sounds like you met a lot of the wrong kinds of therapists along the way. As I read this, I was just struck by your strength and perseverence...a lesser person would have given up.
Thank you again, for sharing this....

In an earlier post, you said that people who do not believe or acknowledge that they have Borderline (BPD) do not believe they are doing these things...and they live their lives in "active borderline personalities".

So I guess my original question, in essence, was asking "What was your light-bulb moment?". I was wondering what causes a person with Borderline (BPD) to finally realize or acknowledge that they indeed have Borderline (BPD)? And then seek help for it.

But it sounds like you didn't have a 'light bulb moment'...

It sounds like you sought treatment and therapy after experiencing some traumatic events: the stress of raising difficult children, sexual harassment, car accident, chronic pain...the same reasons anyone might have reached out for help. You also knew you were experiencing bi-polar mania and couldn't continue to live that way.

And then, only after seeking therapy for these other things...you learned that you had Borderline (BPD).

 

[BusynMember]

I am not Janet (and don't play her on the board ), but I figured out I had Borderline (BPD) as soon as I read the symptoms. These days, with dialectal behavioral therapy which I have done as self-help, it is much more promising IF you are willing to own it and work very hard. Through the years I had much therapy and self-help groups and nobody had ever told me I was borderline because they didn't really understand it. Just recently, they have learned a lot about it. Because of all my therapy and my eagerness to change, I actually greatly improved well before my lightbulb moment. by the way, although I didn't have a great childhood, I was never sexually abused. Emotionally...yes. They are just starting to find a possible genetic reason for some people to become Borderline (BPD).

I don't like the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me." It's an older book that is very pessimistic. It's kind of outdated in my opinion. Here is in my opinion a better book to read about borderline. I love this book

http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Demystified-Understanding/dp/1569244561

 

[DaisyFace]

I am not Janet (and don't play her on the board ), but I figured out I had Borderline (BPD) as soon as I read the symptoms. These days, with dialectal behavioral therapy which I have done as self-help, it is much more promising IF you are willing to own it and work very hard. Through the years I had much therapy and self-help groups and nobody had ever told me I was borderline because they didn't really understand it. Just recently, they have learned a lot about it. Because of all my therapy and my eagerness to change, I actually greatly improved well before my lightbulb moment. by the way, although I didn't have a great childhood, I was never sexually abused. Emotionally...yes. They are just starting to find a possible genetic reason for some people to become Borderline (BPD).

I don't like the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me." It's an older book that is very pessimistic. It's kind of outdated in my opinion. Here is in my opinion a better book to read about borderline. I love this book

http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Demystified-Understanding/dp/1569244561

Thank you for sharing this...

And I will definitely check out the book. I read "Walking on Eggshells..." but I felt like it focused a lot on how to deal with Borderline (BPD) in marital and partner-style relationships...so I was disappointed that I couldn't get more out of it.

 

[DammitJanet]

I kind of had a light bulb moment when I read The Bipolar Child after Cory was dxd. We both got our diagnosis's in the same year. He slightly before me. Someone on here recommended I read it and when I did, I was just astounded. I thought "how did these people know all about my childhood?" LOL. That book really sounded much more like me than it did Cory. I have zero doubt that I have been Bipolar since I was a preschooler. When you add in all the junk my mother did too me and the genetics, well, I was a stewing pot for some personality disorder.

I am sure that I was probably diagnosed with borderline earlier than I found out about it but I never knew. I found out because one psychiatrist left my assessment paperwork on the desk and went to get something and I read the info upside down. Axis 1, Axis 2...etc.

Honestly my GAF score has never been out of the 40s...most of the time I stay in the 30s. If I didnt have Tony they would probably say I had to have a caregiver or live in a group home. The only reason I have been able to keep from being hospitalized is because I have family around me. That and Im stubborn...lol. But just to meet me, you wouldnt know any of this. I present fine....when medicated.

 

[barneysmom]

I like this link http://www.middle-path.org/

Along the top of the website are links to handouts and power points about Borderline (BPD).