What do you think?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Okay, it's been more than a month since I last saw gfgd Jessica....no word from her either....sooo...what if I call the home and leave a message that I would like to meet her for lunch and she can call my cellphone and leave a message about when and where?

    I figure a public place is good...less chance of either of us losing it and screaming at each other....and the cell so she doesn't have to worry about who picks up the house phone...

    Good or bad idea?

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Carolanne, what do you hope to accomplish? A nice lunch out for the two of you? That sounds like fun.

    Before I weigh in on an opinion, why do you think that might be a bad idea?

  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Hi there. Maybe you can start first with a note instead saying you miss her, are thinking of her and give her your number. offer to meet her when she wants.
  4. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Because I have no contact, not even phone calls...I just want to make sure she is okay....the home policy is to not even contact if there is an emergency because she is 17...

    And it might be a bad idea because she views me as the enemy and the last time I saw her, here at home, she called me a liar, a :censored2:, the c-word and stormed out....she wants to maintain this image of a nice kid in public so I thought it would be good to go to her favourite fastfood place near her school..

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Honestly, if it were me, I'd give it some time. She could be great during your outing, then go back and tell the home a whole other story about what happened.

    I know you worrying about her. Does the home get upset if you call just to see if she's doing ok via sw instead of talking directly to her?
  6. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    The home won't even tell me if she is alive....they just tell me not to call as I am being a pest...I've only called three times this month, after her new school called her because she was already missing classes and it was her first week there.

    When I spoke with the person who answered the phone(didn't give me a name), she said it was none of my business and stop being a controlling/bothersome parent, your calls are unwanted....

    I don't want to control her or her situation, I just need to know if she is okay...

  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    carol...are you still her legal guardian? if so they cannot tell you not to contact her. did you put her in the home on your own or was she taken off you and you lost custody??? if you do not have custody and no legal right to her I would not contact her at all.
  8. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style="color: #006600">i don't think custody is the issue, hon. i think it's more about her extreme negative reactions to any contact she has with-you.

    truthfully i think for now you might have to settle for the no news is good news philosophy. if they haven't called to complain then things are...in their narrow view...okay. is she considered a ward of the providence or is she considered to be in ab independant living situation. you guys do this differently then we here in the states.

    kris </span>
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: carolanne</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    When I spoke with the person who answered the phone(didn't give me a name), she said it was none of my business and stop being a controlling/bothersome parent, your calls are unwanted....


    What kind of home is that????? I would want to reach through and choke that person!!!!
  10. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    She wasn't removed from my home, I didn't place her there....she went into a psychiatric hospital and between the counsellor and difficult child she decided she was "safer" in a group home....she went into that place without my knowledge or okay...all done behind my back...I've never been taken to court, signed papers, anything to that effect.

    I contacted local child services and went through an investigation voluntarially....even being polographed as to the absue she supposedly suffered...I passed their critria of a good parent...

    I just worry about her, that's all....she's in a rough neighbourhood with some kids in that home that come from abuse/neglect....

  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I would then send her a short note telling her you care and that she can call any time. wish her well.
  12. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    For whatever reason, your daughter is not choosing to contact you. I think you should abide by what appear to be her wishes. Write her letters expressing your love and concern but DO NOT MAIL THEM.

    Learn all you can about what may be motivating your child and how you can be supportive once she is out of treatment. Other than that though, I urge you again to respect your daughter's wishes.

    Practice detaching from the feelings ~ from the worry, from the guilt.

    Is there an interest or curiousity you have always wanted to explore? Now is the time to do that. You will need something to counteract the feelings of worry for your child.

    That is how I became a nurse, a dancer and then, a karate person.
    (Winks) Along the way, I also became a Hospice volunteer, a free clinic volunteer, and a supprt group coordinator.

    All in an effort to distract my self from the pain.

    We did not choose this for ourselves or for our children, but we DO have to survive it. And we have to survive it strong enough to be able to help the kids, once they do come back.

    Your daughter will come back to you when she is ready.

    Your job now is to be ready when she does.