when a difficult child pulls a "normal kid" mess up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So lately difficult child has been doing better. Not suspended from school yet, minimal melt downs, and is even nice a lot of the time.

    He has been walking to school with a neighbor boy, invited the boy to his birthday party. Seems like a very nice boy, a good friend for difficult child.

    Apparently there has been some mischief. From my perspective not too big of a deal, but the other boys step mom is sure intense. Needs to be dealt with, but not the end of the world, at least from a difficult child perspective.

    difficult child has given the boy a couple toys (one was a christmas present he got into). Now this does not in any way make me happy, but I am not incensed by it.

    difficult child went to go pick up the other boy before school, went too early (about 8am vs 8:15am) and stood in the middle of the street yelling for the other boy. Again, I am not too happy, but not flipping my lid.

    Now we have 2 stories. difficult child version is that he showed the other boy his pocket knife before school, hid it under a log in the front yard. The other boy came back at some point and took it. Other boys version is that they got the pocket knife almost to school, difficult child hid it somewhere under a log, and other boy took it later. Now this one jostles my lid, but I am not flipping it. At least difficult child now realizes that it is not supposed to go to school, now we have to keep it home( and get husband to quit giving them to him--long story and yes it is wrong. We all hunt and fish and camp. They are fine out camping but not at home).

    Now difficult child is in trouble. He has lost electronic games for 3 days, and can only watch TV in the living room. He will be deliered to and from school for a week or longer. He hates it when we take him to school. He was wrong in some ways, but to me this is just normal kid stuff. I think I got so used to suspensions, threatened expulsion, and all that fun difficult child carp that this easy child stuff just seems like nothing. difficult child admitted to all of it, admitted to taking the christmas present, but what amazes me is he took his present to give to his friend. He did not keep it. He bought another one after christmas for himself so he could have one too. ( I thought I had lost the present in our shed). I had a hard time dealing with the toy gifting issue. I worked so hard to teach him to share, and I know he gives them away so that he can have a friend. I feel more sad than anything as he feels he has to "buy" friends.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This sounds so similar to the way my difficult child was with a friend about 18 mos ago. It seems like that's aboout the age where the type of friendship changes from little boys playing together to talking more and loyalty becomes imprtant, etc. I think you're handling it well- I believe in the theory that if it's "normal misbehavior" than I dish out a typical punishment for a non-difficult child. But, I think I might not worry too much about the gift he gave to the friend- another thing I noticed as my son went thru that friendship is that natural consequences start going a long way. My guess is that he'll start seeing that too as things progress.

    FWIW, my son and his friends no longer hang out together or are allowed to be friends by the other boys mother because they went into someone's shed and got arrested together for it. The fact that the boy's parents no longer like my son or allow their son to associate with mine outside of school nearly devestated my son and has caused havoc with him this year, not having any friends to hang out with and being difficult to make new ones due to the legal trouble.

    So, I'd suggest still keeping a close eye and remember that if he's a difficult child, he might need a little extra direction when it comes to friendships. Albeit, if he's anything like my son, you might have to give him that direction without him realizing it. LOL!
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Unfortunately, I do think you have to take this pretty seriously with the way schools are acting about anything dangerous being brought to school grounds.

    On the other hand--it does not sound like there was any malicious intent and it does seem more like a typical boy thing to do.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad you can differentiate between the "normal" kid stuff and the other. It is hard and sometimes the line is nearly invisible. I do agree that the pocketknife was a typical boys' thing. What's sad is that your son did the right thing and not the other boy. I think I'd be watching that friendship very carefully. It sounds like the other boy may not as good of a kid as you think.

    As to giving the other boy a Christmas gift, I'm not sure this was in the category of buying the friendship so much as wanting to give a gift to a friend. There is a difference. My daughter would steal from me and give the money to kids to play with her at recess. Broke my heart when she did that. Today, she does like giving gifts to friends and is now careful to not go overboard in what she gives.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have a hard time distinguishing between normal boy things and gfgness with my difficult child because my difficult child seems to take everything to the nth degree.

    Sounds like you handled it well! Glad to hear difficult child is doing so much better.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    MB, difficult child gave the boy a christmas present and then other toys before christmas. The other boy's parents allowed the boy to keep the xmas gifts, which I was glad of.

    I will have to keep a tighter leash on difficult child for a while and see what develops. I know this friend is better than the one last year, who took his dad's cigarettes and he and difficult child smoked on the way to school. That boy tried to bring over Grand Theft Auto to play on the ps2 here. No way, not that game. I had to tell difficult child and the boy that they were not allowed to play together. That went better than I thought, difficult child now realizes that they made bad choices and did not even want to be around D. difficult child tells me that D's step dad beat him, and now D lives with his real dad.

    I hope that eventually difficult child finds a good friend.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Crazymama, that does sound like a "boy" thing.
    I hope the other mom calms down this week.
    Sounds like it's under control now.
    I know what you mean about gifts and friends. Both of our kids have gone through that. I'm hoping it's just a stage. Sigh.