When Dealing with child support and courts

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jen, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    It has been a long time since I have posted, but not as long as it states, 12-31-1969? haha Needed to distance myself for awhile.

    My difficult child is now 23, married with a child. On and off work for him. He has been for the last 6 months his usual self, with a bowl full of nerves added. He has gotten behind in payments twice, and taken to court for it, but always then gets it paid off so he doesnt have to go to jail.for back payment in child support. Now the judge says that at his next court hearing that their wont be any lienency, he will be spending 30 days in jail for 24/7. I cannot beleive the judge would do that if my difficult child is actually be working, as it only hurts his present child, as well as the other 3. So what is the truth? He and his family are looking to leave the state in the near future. He believes with distance that the system will not come after him for this. He says this on experience from his wife. Her Dad owes major amt of back child support and they never came after him for the money. I thinks well times have changed, but his wife just turned 22. What are all your expereinces in this?

    He has over the yrs made alot of bad choices, and will have to live with those choices, which has indirectly put me in a better place. It is a known fact that this judge that he and his ex fiance has had to deal with for the last 3 yrs, very much sides with his ex. What this judge doesnt know about her, that we have all protected her in a sense so the children wouild not be taken aware from her, my son doesnt want this for her, or his kids.. She is now with another guy that she doesnt commit to, but brings another child into this world. When my son and her broke up the first time, she and her sister stole from my son, and his other roomate which is my sister in law. that she sends his children to her dads house that my husband has been in and is not fit to live in. I am not going into detail as to what got him to where he is at , and no contact with his children, but looking at giving up his parental rights. He will never get to see them as long as this judge is in the courts system, this is how vindictve this man can be. His ex's new boyfriend refuses even my parents to see them, he says "These are his children". What are the possibilites of giving his rights up, is that possible. My son has never claime his da. or twin boys on income tax, so to say she has never recd addtional money, come on.

    Tomorrow he finally agreed to come to the hospital that I work at and be checked out for this rectal bleeding, and other symptoms he is having. I can tell he needs something for hisanxiety. Honestly he needs to leave with his family, and make a new start. Go where the pple dont know you. My hometown where he was born, and moved back to is all about who you are. My husbands family has always been in trouble for something over the yrs, starting with their dad... it is the name. When I throw around my maiden name, relate to 2 judges in town, I am so differently treated. In fact my Dad got off for a speeding ticket 57 in a 45mile an hour zone, you all no if he would have been in his 20's ticket time , right?

    Nice talkig with all of you,

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    None unless someone else successfully applies for and is granted adoption of his children.

    I remember that your son's rights were taken when the children were pulled from the filth that he and his ex lived in while they were smoking crack. I also remember that there was and still seems to be a lot of blame by you to her and very little to your son, and that is why there has been little judicial sympathy to his family for visitation.

    Running to another state won't keep him from owing child support.

    These are his children. If he wants to see them, he needs to start doing the right thing. The one with rights here is his children. The right to expect and receive support from their father. He has the right to change the court's mind about what kind of a father he is and can be. I hope he will try to do so in a positive way.
  3. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Witz, you must be on crack, because my difficult child does not do that. I asked for simple a response, not a threatening and rude comment. Remeber that is why we are here at this forum, not to judge.

    You must be very unhappy in your life to make **** vindictive comments. I suggest that you read the book by Eckhart Tolle, "A New Earth" Awakening to your lifes purpose.

    Comments like this only reinforces pple to not want to post.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I don't think that Witz intended to insult or be vindictive to you. Her post didn't strike me that way at all.

    However, I can tell you that moving out of state won't prevent them from hunting him down for child support. I know this from first hand experience. Laws regarding cs are getting more and more strict with each passing year.

    As for giving up custody.... All I can suggest, if that is what he truely wants, is for him to go talk to a lawyer. I've never heard of anyone doing so unless there was someone wanting to adopt the child, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.

  5. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I'll contribute, but will be treading lightly and gently with all the respect in the world for you and yours, and with honesty. I have no recollection of your son's story and what brought him to this point.

    I agree with this:

    These are his children. If he wants to see them, he needs to start doing the right thing. The one with rights here is his children. The right to expect and receive support from their father. He has the right to change the court's mind about what kind of a father he is and can be. I hope he will try to do so in a positive way.

    I agree with all of it EXCEPT for the "If he wants to see them. Not one child in this world made a choice to be here, that choice to enter this world was not theirs to make, it was made by their bio mother AND their bio father. The very least a child should be able to expect in this life is that their father and mother accept their responsibility for their children, that includes financially, physically, and emotionally. It matters not what the other parents does or is doing. A morally responsible parent just CANNOT walk away from their children to start a new life!

    Jen, I know your mothers heart loves your son and wants to help and protect him. Help your son to be the man and father he should be.

    Sometimes, we have to come to this site and hear things we don't really want to hear. Life is a learning process.
  6. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Daisy I thank you for your comments. I still feel that Witzends comments are vindictive. She posts on her own how she has been found guilty in the eyes of her daughters family, and just by association is being punished for it. Well, this is what has happened to my family by the court system, and the exs beloved boyfriend. My parents are 83 and 79 and deserve the right to see them. but am not seeking courts to get involved as it will cost them money. Personally been that round with her, and costing us money, and she still ends up in contempt of court. Will not file it, and she and he knows it.

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member


    It really won't happen unless someone successfully adopts.

    And no, Jen, I didn't mean to be vindictive. I did mean to be honest. It's not fair to tell half the story when it's been five months and there are so many people here who don't know the story behind why your son doesn't have visitation rights and her history of defending him. If you had ever said "He's been a really bad father and shouldn't see his children until he shapes up" you might have gotten more sympathy for yourself and your parents from the court.

    I have no sympathy for a man who wants to abandon his children because they cost too much money. He was already in that situation when he fathered the twins. The least he could do is practice birth control so that it won't happen again. How many of you are parents of children with dads who want to run off so that they don't have to pay child support. Will it ever be ok with you?
  8. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Witz, I prefer that you not use my post to direct your comments to another person.

    I never said he didnt pay the child support. What I said is he never paid it on time, this is why they want him to go to jail. Did i tell you it is for 30 days!

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You also said you wanted to know if he can give up "his rights" so that he can not have to pay child support, and asked if he could get out of it by absconding out of the state.

    Not a pretty picture. And you're right. It wasn't crack. It was meth. My apologies for my error.
  10. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Mom to 3 again thank you for your input. If Witsend really remebered everything about the history she would have known MY SON DOESNT DO DRUGS!

    What she also doesnt remeber that even though my son is guilty of the poor choices he has made, they both made bad choices then. The difference was she was afforded opportunites, that he was not. I know this personnally and I have 3 pple that can validate it.

    I want to make it perfectly clear that I dont agree with the choices he has and is making, but I can be there to listen, and I tell him that every time.

    When you here the story that witzend did on her post I had no idea her history. There were alot of thoughts that went through my mind, for bothe her, her child, adn the other family members. As Witzend said, "we have only know half the story .

    Thanks , Jen
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Your signature says that your son cannot have visitation with his other kids unless he takes the classes that the courts request. What is stopping him?

    As far as terminating parental rights, he can choose to terminate his own rights as far as his rights to the children, as in he will no longer have the right to see them or make any decisions in their life. That he can do. But he cannot terminate paying child support. Those are his kids and his responsibility. The only way he would not pay child support is if they were adopted.

    Leaving the state would be up to him, but he should contact the courts and not try to run from his responsibilities, no matter what his X is doing. They are still his kids and it is up to him to support them.
  12. Jen

    Jen New Member

    You have so much anger, and I prefer not to be a part of that anger.

    I am asking you to leave it alone, and not comment on my post.

    My son does not do drugs!

  13. Jen

    Jen New Member


    My last post I enetered incorrectly and that is for you.

  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Whatever, Jen. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't try to rewrite history.

    When you post in public, everyone has the right to respond.
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Okay, enough, Witz! Enough!

    Jen, let me know if you would like me to lock the thread.

  16. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Jen, in this day and age, they will track him down for his earnings and garnish them for child support.

    SO is having his disability garnished for child support. When he left AZ he did pay thru his work when he found a job here in CA for a good two years, then lost his job due to his illness and wasn't able to pay. When he was put on disabiity two years later, the state asked about dependents, and he did list his son but by then but the X remarried and he had no idea where his son was. When he went back to AZ he couldn't find the son, his X or any of her family - they all moved to who knows where. He has tried over the years to find Ryan - his son will get back money from the state because of SO's disability status, but we still to this day don't know where he is - In the meantime, AZ takes half his disability - he owes 80,000 according to them but won't say how the got to that figure, knows where is X and son are, but won't disclose that info either.

    If one of the baby's mommas find out where he moved to, or if they have his SS number, they can easily garnish his wages via the state. There is no hiding anymore..

  17. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Thanks Suz,
    No I dont want you to lock the thread, because I want to learn what all the possibilites can be. Have never been in this position ever, adn dont know what it is entails, that is why i came her looking for answeres.

  18. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    What IS stopping your son from doing the court ordered classes?

    He can choose to be a part of those kids life or not. He cannot choose if he wants to pay child support.
  19. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I believe that my son is running not because he doesnt want to pay the child support, but the though of jail is too much. I do think it would be the best consequence, and lewson to learn, rather than making it worse by running away. My difficult child has always been that way even in his younger days, "If I run far enough it will go away". He right now is dealing with rectal bldg, adn wont see a docotr, for fear that they will tell him he has cancer, 'If I ignore it, it will go away". Whether it is true or not this is the thought process he has in his mind.

  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Jen...cant comment on some of the other things but I can comment on the child support issues. They are much tougher now on getting child support than they were in this last generation.

    My oldest sons father paid ONE month of child support in my sons entire life. He and his (then) new wife kept moving from state to state in order to avoid it. He worked under the table many times. They never managed to catch up to him for my son. Now on the other hand, he had 3 kids with his second wife and they divorced when my son was an adult. They ARE making him pay support for those three kids...go figure...lol.