When to let him go but hes still a child

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    I wrote before of my 15 year old sons behaviorial issues, his aggresion when he does not get his way, he will manipulate , lie and say whatever you want to hear to get his way. He can be very loving & caring but there is also a very dark side of him that is scary.I know of him robbing & hurting people . Hes dealt with substance abuse , weed & xanex. Hes been to rehabs,residential treatment centers , seen therapists.As I write he is in a mental/ behavorial hospital & then will be transferred to yet another 30 day rehab program.What Im afraid of when he gets out , it may be good for a week or 2 then he starts again , what do I do then ? Im running out of places to take him. Do I just lock him out if he does it again?
     
  2. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    I don't think you can legally lock anyone under 18 out. It is my understanding that you can call children and youth services and sign over your rights and have him removed. That is if you live in the us. They will place him in a residential facility. Hoping you are able to find a plan that works for you.
     
  3. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Start working with the social worker at your son's current placement. They will help you to take the next steps to transition his legal custody to the state. You will pay child support, by the way. But it will get him into a situation where he will receive long term help and it will save your sanity.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This woman is not in the U.S. so her options are probably different.

    Hang in there, BB!
     
  5. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    I am in the U.S and if I lock him out , I will get in trouble , his father does not want him because they have been in physical altercations , he did live with him for a bit but because of his aggression , he longer wants to deal with him, giving him up to the state would be the hardest thing to do :(
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sorry. I had the wrong poster! I hope you find a peaceful solution, one you can live with.
     
  7. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Definitely then if you are in the US reach out to the social worker at his facility and discuss the options.

    Are you ready to relinquish custodial custody of your son or is this still something in the back of your mind?

    If you are a family of significant wealth, you can simply send him to boarding school for troubled teens. There are many, and surely there has to be one he can attend.
     
  8. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Im so scared to give him up him up to state , to give up my rights, but I feel I tried everything& do not want to risk or endanger my other children, 2 yrs old, 6yr old and my daughrer 18teen & no we dont have enough money for boarding school :(
     
  9. Dory

    Dory Member

    Hey, I am sorry for your pain. Life is hard I agree.
    I can't see anything about why you think your son is angry? Has he been assessed for mental health issues?
     
  10. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    ODD Biopolar
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  12. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hello Helpless, I am so sorry for your situation with your son.
    You are between a rock and a hard place. I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I don’t see that you have much choice but to protect yourself, your littles and older daughter.
    Is there anyone you can speak with who can help walk you through this? Prayers going up for you and your family. At the least, you have a bit of time before he is released. I hope that you can find a workable solution. It is hard because he is so young. But, old enough to know better. Then there are the mental health issues, and drug use and acting out in an almost adult body. Geez girl, what an awful, awful mess. What else can you do? You have tried everything. For goodness sake, his own bio Dad can’t handle him.
    I am sorry. This is really tough stuff. Are you able to go to counseling for you, to help you through? With what you have described here, you have been through so much chaos and ups and down with your boy, raising two littles, how are you holding up?
    (((Hugs)))
    Leafy
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  13. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    I know I need counseling & will need to look into going,I am emotionally & mentally drained , I dont let me younger ones see it, I laugh , smile & cherish our momemts but inside I am barely holding it togather, I will update once hes released.
     
  14. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I can not add anything to the support and advice above. Know you are not alone. Stay with us and keep us updated.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  15. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Sequeol
     
  16. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Seroquel
     
  17. Dory

    Dory Member

    Hey, I am bipolar, I am not a dr,
    That is not what he should be on. He should be on a mix of medication,to even him out.
    I know everyone is different but I have never known someone diagnosed with bipolar to be on just seroquel....can you let someone know he needs a new dr?
     
  18. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    The good news is, he is currently in a program and then another 30 day program awaits him immediately thereafter, so you have a bit of time with him out of the home to think, maybe see a counselor yourself and decide what to do.

    It seems that the first thing you need to do is, decide whether or not giving up custody is something you, personally, can do (it sounds like maybe not which is perfectly OK, what a decision!)

    If NOT then you need a plan and most likely some kind of assistance so that he will not destroy your family's serenity in a couple months' time when he does return to the home.

    Perhaps his 30 day placement will recommend some kind of interim step for him before returning home. There are ways to get a child placed out of the family home without necessarily giving up custody.

    You may want to consult a family attorney for advice.

    I cannot recall offhand what your family's living situation is (if he has a stepdad, if you are with his bio dad, etc) but sometimes loving relatives can be a lifesaver. Might he be able to live with another family member upon his release?

    Wishing you the best.
     
  19. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Thank you , It dosent seem to help him, one place says he should not be on that all & then another hospital says he should, its so confusing
     
  20. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    Please know that you are doing all you can in a difficult situation. People here are giving you excellent advice. Take a moment and breath.