When we're gone what happens to our ...

Tired out

Well-Known Member
When I say for him living with some one like himself I mean someone who is cognitively fine. the rest doesn't matter to him, One of his best buddies has Asperger's, very high functioning, has a masters degree in biochem. He isn't great socially (to put it mildly) however he and my son commune on a gaming level--they are a weird combo. One of his best aides (in times gone by) was an college guy that was heavy into MMA fighting(Mixed martial arts). They are still friends. All of his past aides that were any good were in college and working as aides either as part of their curriculum (nursing degree) or heard about us from the physical therapy group and took the position here. Students could be here with him, take care of his personal care and do their homework--win-win. At this point we have decided not to use agency aides or independent providers for a while. Our household needs a break from outsiders. It has been nice doing our own thing..after therapy going out to lunch and catching a movie, not having to get home because an aide is coming. We don't have to plan when we will be away for the weekend to let the agency know, we can just go..it's nice. I don't know if any of you have ever had to deal with having a non-family member in your house on a daily basis, it isn't fun. it gets to be invasive and more annoying than helpful--especially when you hurry home because they are scheduled to be there then they are a no show.
The whole advanced education is another thing... yes it is supposed to be covered. They found away around it. they had an evaluation done that drew the conclusion that he is not college material -they say mild m.r. idiots. How could he have passed all of his state graduation tests? In 10th grade, the 1st time they are given. His other tests (state and federal) through the years always put him above avg.
He just needs to decide what class he would like to take and we will start there. I will go to the college and ask if he can sit in on the class..if one says no, I will go to another.


Well-Known Member
they say mild m.r. idiots.
My son was tested at one time with an IQ of 130 and another time 120. He was "tested" too as below average by voc rehab. I saw posted at the office that anybody has a right to have an advocate from the Disability Rights organization. And I read the law it says ANY AND ALL EDUCATION UP TO AND INCLUDING Phd, MD, etc.

The vocational plan is negotiated. Of course they want to make everybody entry level people. But the law says something different. Oh. This makes me mad.


Active Member
I obviously don't know what school you are looking at. If the goal is not a degree most have an "audit" option. Sit in with a fee. If its a computer class you have to be clear whether or not he will be using one of their computers. Number of computers/ seats limits the number who can attend. Matriculated students obviously get first preference. I'm sure Elsi has better info than I do about other options for getting certified in a specific software. This is also where voc rehab comes in. They pay for classes if there's a career/ job goal in a specified period of time eg 2 years.

If he's just looking to learn I can recommend Lynda.com which is free through my library.

Also all colleges have disability services.


Active Member
Also... Those std tests for college can require some refreshers. I didn't do well on the math one because I forgot PEMDAS! Might be a good idea to do some practice at home first. Can make a huge difference.


Active Member
they had an evaluation done that drew the conclusion that he is not college material -they say mild m.r.
That’s infuriating! Can you appeal?

If he’s interested in coding, there are a ton of courses online, some free and some that offer some kind of certification. Check Coursera. (They also have online courses from hundreds of universities on everything from philosophy to climate science. I’ve taken a bunch! They are lots of fun, for geeks like me.) also Udemy, edX, and MIT Open Courseware.

The great thing about programming, web development, graphic design, or freelance writing is no one really cares about your resume or credentials. Or what you look like, or whether you can make good small talk, or (for a lot of jobs) where you are. They care what you can do. It’s all about the portfolio. Once you break in, one job leads to another. I have not been asked for a resume for more than a decade. I do not have educational credentials in what I am doing now. Everything I am doing now is self taught.

And freelancers are a wonderfully open and accepting bunch. Many of us are rather quirky (I’m an aspie). I’ve got a great network of other creatives, in the metro area near me and across the country, that I’ve worked with for various projects. Sometimes they call me, sometimes I call them. I’m doing x for a client and they also need a y, so I thought of you. It is really not as isolating as you might think. In fact, it can’t be - if you’re isolated you don’t get leads and projects.

I hope your son finds something he would like to do that opens up whole new worlds for him!


Active Member
Thinking about what you said about not having an aide. I do understand. If you enjoy life go for it, that's what its all about. If your son needed more care eg if there were breathing machines signaling crisis multiple times an hour you would probably feel differently. The level of stress would be different. My autistic son needs someone to check on him for specific things daily. But having him here is enjoyable to me. Its the opposite of stressful. I know other parents with autistic children who need to watch them 24/7 to prevent wandering out the door, self-harm, etc. I can understand why they opt for an out of home placement. The balance I worry about is my selfishly enjoying my son vs his future when I'm gone. That's why my hope is to set up something that can provide a continuum of care for both of us. One home that will be mine for as long as possible and a group home for him for his life when I'm gone.