When you worry/ don't like one of thier friends

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mrscatinthehat, Nov 25, 2008.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    easy child has had essentially the same group of friends since middle school. T, K and J. For the most part a pretty good group of girls. No real trouble makers or anything of that sort over the years.

    Within the last couple of years though some things have started to change. T has always had to be responsible for her younger siblings. To the point easy child has not always wanted to go to her house because she knows she will have to help take care of them, fix dinner, clean the house whatever it is that T has to do.

    Freshman year T's mom decided it would be ok for the girls to go to a band at a bar. I did not agree. So obviously easy child didn't go. NO way on earth was easy child going to a bar that people were drinking at without supervision (the mom was working at the bar so would not be watching the girls).

    Then last year this girl had a party at one of the hotels. Just a sleepover which is not all that uncommon in our neck of the woods. The kids can go swimming. My only thing was I asked if T's siblings were going to be there and if her parents were going to be there also. I was told that they were all going to be there. I then asked if the girls were going to have be responsible for the younger kids at the pool. Yup. So I told easy child I didn't think that was such a good idea. So over the course of time I was told that they were no longer going to be responsible for the little ones. Ok. I told easy child I would check on her. She knew full well I would too. Guess what there were no little ones but there also weren't any adults either. After that easy child and I had a chat and I told her she wasn't going to any more hotel gatherings with T. She said ok. A couple monthes later I have easy child, T and K in the vehicle with me and I hear the conversation. It is T trying to teach K how to lie to her parents to let her come out and go to another of her hotel gatherings. Needless to say easy child and I had another chat.

    So then we flash to last week. easy child wanted to go to a movie Friday night with T. I agreed. I then went to work. I waited and never got a call from easy child. The standing rule is call when you get home if no one is there. So when I got home at 2 she was all snug in bed. We addressed the no call thing again and she said she understood. I pointed out that she didn't answer either phone when I called her so I was very worried.

    Ok now we come to tonight. I was napping when easy child came in to ask if she could go out with T. In my half awake self I asked when she would be home. She said between 9-9:30. I said ok. I woke up at 10 and guess who wasn't home. I was just going for the phone when I hear the door open and she says she is home. When I asked her why she was late she said that her and T had to go to the store for T's parents and it took longer than she expected. Ok so did you have your phone with you. Well I knew you were sleeping and probably wouldn't answer. No excuse at least you could have left a message and I would have known.

    easy child has a pretty good ability to know the rights and wrongs. However this is just getting a little frustrating. I don't trust T too much at this point and with easy child doing these lovely "I forgot" moments when she is with her I am not so sure how comfortable I am with all this.

    I really don't want to have a talk with her until she comes back from her dads on Sunday as she is already so stressed out about that. I just don't know how I am going to do this. It isn't her I don't trust at this point as she hasn't done anything (to my knowledge) that would warrent me not trusting her. Just some carelessness on the phone calls. But that is big I am not making excuses.


  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'd approach T. I'd tell her that I no longer trust her and I don't appreciate that she is putting easy child in the position that you can't trust easy child, either. Tell her that you will be having surprise inspections to see that easy child is where she says she will be with whom she says she will be with, then do it. Infractions will be grounds for easy child to be grounded from T until T and her mom can convince you that it should be otherwise.

    easy child is pulling some typical teen stuff, but not stuff that is safe or advisable. T is telling her that she can get away with it. T needs to know that she is wrong on this point and that she will be in the can with easy child if that's how she wants to roll it.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    What a tought spot. On the one hand, you don't want to push easy child into behaving like T. On the other, you don't want her to get dragged there, either.

    I like Witz's idea except I'm afraid a kid like T might retaliate against you using easy child, and so far, easy child hasn't really done anything questionable, even in T's presence. I might skip the talking to T part and just start showing up at random. Maybe in your next talk with easy child, let her know this is what you'll be doing, then follow thru. I'd also emphasize heavily that its not that you don't trust her, its that you don't trust T to not put her in a bad position to do things she shouldn't be doing, and reitterate why (the things you posted here).

    Its a tough spot, for sure. Sorry you're in it.