why are kid so mean

[guest3]

difficult child I calls me from Hotel room yesterday (he is on a retreat in Daytona Flordia with youth group) He is alone and wants to come home. He says kids from youth group are jerks and other kids from other youth groups are trying to start fights with him. I got off the phone ready to cry, of course he was $%$^% and %^&%& this and that but I could tell he was really lonely and upset. Sigh....................apparantly there's a lot of unstructured "free" time, and he is not a "joiner" unless pushed and none of the adults there are thinking to push I guess. He comes home Friday, counting the days

 

[hearts and roses]

Sounds like my difficult child on her recent Senior trip. She was always the one taking pics with other people's cameras, but never invited to be in the picture. She calls these kids her friends! Ugh - it's disheartening to watch and when she tells me about some of the kids having a party, yet she's not invited, I can see her watching me for my response, which is of course anger and hurt for her being left out, AGAIN. I think it hurts her deeply, but she's so used to it she feels unworthy.

I think lending him an ear is fine, but I have always tried to keep a positive attitude and encourage difficult child to join in and/or make the initial invite. When there was trouble brewing, I tried to steer her to do things on her own that she enjoys. She brought along her sketch pad and a book she was reading on the senior trip just in case she was alone. Turned out she didn't need it, but at least it was there in case.

Hugs - I know how much it hurts.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Hope you could disengage when difficult child came home. difficult child's love to point the blame towards anyone who will take it.

It was difficult child's job to learn how to fit in.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I agree with Sunny. difficult child will need to learn how to fit in, because "adults" will not be there his whole life "pushing" him to join. He is almost an adult himself.

 

[Merris]

I know it's difficult child's job, but as a mom, I know it hurts to have your child hurt. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Now he has to learn to swim with the other fish. Kids ARE mean and if they can identify ANYTHING different about another kid, they will ostracize.

I'm sorry for your pain and his.

Merris

 

[DDD]

One of the worst experiences (second hand experiences as a parent) that I have ever had was when my easy child went on a trip to
Europe in high school. I was so proud of myself, as a single
struggling Mom, to be able to find the $$'s. She was thrilled.
After she had been home about a month...she shared with me. Not
one other kid wanted to share a room with her in Italy. She
stayed in a room alone at 16 in Rome, Florence etc.

I understand. My easy child enjoyed the trip even with the rejection.
I STILL would like to spend 1 on 1 time with the chaperones.
It's hard. DDD