Some weird number just called and although I hesitated, I answered. easy child is away for the week at sleep away camp and I figured I'd answer in case there was some emergency with him. It's wasn't easy child. Guess who it was? difficult child! Uggggh! I haven't heard from him in days and he hasn't been on FB at all. I've been trying to stay calm and not imagine the worst. It's been difficult but I've actually been coping well and not obsessing. My husband and I had a long talk over the weekend and I cried my eyes out and explained how much this hurts me to my very core. He said he knows and he loves me very much and we'll get through this. I've always known that but I feel so much stronger since that talk. Anyway, when I answered the phone difficult child was so nonchalant. "Hi Mom....I'm fine. I'm with a friend. My girlfriend says hello". Then a few minutes in - "I'm starving. It's hot. Hey mom, I need to ask, can you please give me money for food". And there it is. Can you give me money? Can you do something for me? I stayed calm yet cold and said, "So difficult child, what have you been doing to help yourself?" He said he's waiting for MHA to contact him back. He's on the waiting list at the shelter. He's applied for services but they never turned on his food stamps. So I counteracted - I said, "Who is your caseworker with MHA?" He doesn't know. "How long until the shelter is available?" He has no idea. "How did you apply for services without your BC?" No answer. So yeah - he's doing nothing. Not one thing to help himself. No big surprise but the call shook me and caught me off guard. I said I was at work and couldn't talk right now but I didn't have the guts to actually say NO - you can not have money for food. I hate that I couldn't speak the word NO. Why couldn't I say it? I feel like such a coward. My peaceful day was just ambushed by a sneak attack and I don't like it one bit. I'm actually sick to my stomach now and having a pretty decent panic attack. But I'm going to breath and stay strong and try my very best to forge through.