Why was it I felt like I was the one being treated like I'm on probation?

[klmno]

LOL! OK- I'll try not to get snippy with him. I'll try to squeeze in a phone call to him around lunch time today and tell him he can come by tomorrow around my work hours, Friday (not that I expect that but it's an option for him), or early Monday before I leave for the next trip out of town.

 

[DDD]

Good Girl! Everyone in the CD family is rootin' for you and still delighted that you are back in the work force again.
Things are definitely looking UP. DDD

 

[klmno]

He chose Monday AM before I leave for my next trip although he didn't like that choice either because I told him the absolute latest I could be on the road was 9:00 and he said "they don't like to work before 9:00 am". (Can you see my eyes roll, considering he's getting paid to do this and I am not?) He said he needed to meet me in person and see that we lived in this town now and that "difficult child had a place to lay his head when he came here". Clearly the guy dropped the ball on having to get this done before the end of this month. Anyway, I told him difficult child has a bedroom here but no bed to sleep in yet but he'll have one before he's released. He said that should be ok.

Now, if they try to raise CS, I'm going to be asking which one takes priority- preparing for difficult child to live with me again and being able to buy him a whole new wardrobe again when he's released next year, or paying the max in CS. Because if it's paying the max in CS, I better not hear any complaints if difficult child has to sleep on this air mattress for a while.

 

[Marguerite]

K, I doubt they will expect you to outfit him in designer gear and buy him a new Sealy Posturepedic. Seriously - he needs something to sleep on, and something to cover him decently. None of it has to be new, or in vast quantity. Just sufficient.

I've been at the stage where I needed to keep my boys clothed, but they were destroying clothes as fast as I bought them. Notably, school uniforms, which were not made of serviceable fabric. Neither of the boys was choosing to be destructive, but the school playground has a large rocky outcrop that both boys used to love to clamber over. They would come home having ruined and worn through the knees of their brand new school trousers. So I patched the pants with vinyl. Or denim. Then I sourced denim jeans in the same colour as the school trousers, and sent them every day i those. If the school complained, I told them why and promised I would let them wear good school pants on excursions, as long as they promised to keep my boys from ruining those clothes while under their supervision.
difficult child 3 also chewed his clothes and would 'worry' at any small hole until it was huge - kind of like Michael Jackson in one of his South American videos, when his shirt seemed to get bigger and bigger rips in it, through the video clip. Any shirt that had even a microscopic hole in the morning, would be rags by lunchtime. Half the time he actually chewed a tiny hole in the neckline at recess, and had a huge hole by lunchtime.

So I began buying old, second-hand clothes and found an unexpected dividend - the boys preferred the feel of old clothes, because they were softer.

I found I could outfit both boys at op-shops for the price of a single pair of jeans from Target. If the op-shop clothes are clean, neat, not looking worn or frayed, then there should be no problem. Even as a newborn, difficult child 3 went into an entire op-shop wardrobe of clothes.

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

CPS doesnt care a lick if kids wear handmedowns. They also dont care if the kid sleeps on a mattress on the floor. You dont have to have new mattresses either. Mine never had new. I cant tell you how many times I got stuff from behind furniture stores. Now its freecycle.

Im looking now to fix up Keyana a bedroom. I certainly cant afford all new furniture for her room. Heck I dont have a bedroom suite. Im going to yard sale and freecycle and fix up shelving with what I can find. I just have to get her out of her toddler bed...lol.

 

[klmno]

Yeah- difficult child is going to have to get used to used clothing although I think that will be ok because what I found for myself last weekend looked brand new and they are good clothes. I'll have something for him to sleep on by then- the earliest he can get out is in 8 mos. I'm getting myself something to sleep on first though- besides this air mattress. My point was that I hope dss (cps is not involved- dss is just handing CS for Department of Juvenile Justice) is willing to keep the CS at the lower end so I can buy some furniture (used) and stuff needed in any household. You would be shocked to know the minimal amount I am surviving on right now. If dss shoots for maxing out the CS, it will be difficult to get basic household items in a timely manner. But, this is where it can work in my favor- po/courts will want difficult child to live in a place that has the basic household stuff so if they are reasonable, they can tell dss that this is more important than maxing out CS. If they are like that PO difficult child used to have, it will be "we don't care- that's your problem- meet both agencies' expectations". That will be when difficult child gets this air mattress I'm sleeping on now. LOL!

 

[Marguerite]

I think if the PO sees how you are NOT living in the lap of luxury, he will be supportive of your financial situation. It's not material things these kids need (beyond the basics) but parental care. And there are a lot of affluent homes with a lot less parental care, than you have given your son.

Marg

 

[klmno]

Thank you, Marg! And thank all the other people who have been supportive and hung in there with me and helped me thru all this!

 

[HaoZi]

With the bedbugs making a comeback I'd be wary of used mattresses. I would think a futon bed would be considered sufficient, might be worth checking on, you can get a used frame a new futon mattress.

 

[Marguerite]

It should be easy to de-bug a used mattress. But yes, it is something to always consider. I've been fortunate, I've never had a problem with used mattresses, even ones I scavenged off the street (yes, I have been desperate at times, borderline-homeless). Poor does not have to equate with contaminated. The big plastic bag/fumigation method might be good, if you can get a big enough plastic bag and a large can of insecticide... plus leave it in the sun to finish the job. Or, if it is already deep winter, leave it out to freeze. I find freezing is a great way to decontaminate something.

Marg