Discussion in 'Failure to Thrive' started by Lisa Shoemaker, Jun 26, 2017.
How do I cope with the heart wrenching phone calls from my daughter in jail?
Can you give more details? Age? First time in jail? Nature of crime? Drugs? Violence?
For me at least it is hard to give feedback unless I have more info. 18 is different than. 40 to me. If she hurt someone its different thsn if she is in for drugs.
Either way, she is there because she broke the law. She put herself there. Of course she is sorry now. She got caught and jail restricts her from doing what she did.
I have learned not to talk too much.
"Im sure you can handle it."
Stuff like that is all you can do. One universal rule is that we are powerless over our difficult adult offspring. If it stresses you to talk to her, tell her to only call once a week. I think the best message is to indicate that she put herself there and she can fix her life but you cant. No magic words from you will help. And never tolerate abusive words such as "This is all your fault because (fill in blanks)."
I am so sorry gor your pain.
How long will she be in jail? Is this her first time? Some jails/prisons offer counseling to inmates and their families to help them adjust.
My adult son is in jail and I talked to him tonight. I had to tell him he can not stay here when he gets out. His drama and and unhealthy living while he was here was a nightmare. I am meeting with a pastor Wednesday that helps mentor troubled men in jail. Praying there will be opportunities he can take advantage of when he gets out.
My daughter was in jail for a week, I put money into her account so she could call me and it was, as you said, heart wrenching! Little did I know my daughter was making it sound so much worse than it was, children know how to pull you, work you to their advantage. The horror stories she told me over the phone turned out to be.....I slept all day, read books, watched tv, I was bored. Keep communicating with her but, be strong even if you cry after the phone call ends. Don't give in to anything she says but push forward to what will happen when she gets out. After my daughter got out it was great for a month, she was recovering from the shock of being outside those bars but sadly we are heading in the direction, in 6 months time, of what put her behind those bars. Stay strong, chat with her, go visit her but, don't give in to her. Very good reason why she is in jail, hopefully a lesson learned.
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