Ya know how it is when difficult child doesn't get his way... BOOM!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jules71, Nov 2, 2010.

  1. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I am so tired. I am numb. My life feels like it has been flipped upside down and shaken all about... my body hurts - it feels like I have been in an auto accident. I feel trauma - all because we returned difficult child's video game rental and would not get him another one! WHAT?! Wait... yep, you heard that right. WTH!

    Seriously I don't know how one 8 year old difficult child can have that much effect on me and our family but it truly sucks. Right now I don't care how much collaborative problem solving you apply - he is just plain unreasonable. Counseling is not going to fix it. I don't think stimulants for ADHD are going to fit it. I doubt boot camp could fix it. I am so sick of living like this. I feel like psychiatrist and therapist are a total waste of time. I feel like I am at the end of my rope (again). But the sun will come up tomorrow, it will be a new day, I will have hope once again, and then this will all happen again, and then again the next day, and the next. How on earth will I find the strength to deal? I guess I am having a helluva pitty party. Sheesh.

    I can't even imagine how difficult child much feel after one of these blow ups and total family destruction episodes. Usually the next day is like it never happened (for him). At least it seems that way.

    God I'm tired. (Thanks for letting me vent!)
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs. I know.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* I know the feeling, too. With kiddo's new medication if she starts up I can generally tell her to go take some time and come back to me when she can speak rationally and/or redirect her to something else. Sometimes I can suggest she go do something she really hates (like eat veggies, clean up her room, etc) or else go calm down and collect herself, her choice.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    (((Hugs)))!! I know how you feel.

  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not



    I hear ya! And yep, for difficult child, it's just another day...

    My difficult child used to explain her outbursts with "Well, you should have known not to make me angry." as though it was no skin off her nose...so yeah, I get what you're saying.

    In your shoes, I would not be renting any more video games. Not to be nasty - just to avoid the problem of returning them. Buy used. They come very cheap - and you don't have to return them. Might save you a lot of headaches.
  6. jal

    jal Member

    Hugs. We live that life too. It's gotten better, but there are still many times when the word NO is used that a horrible meltdown ensues and after its like it never happened for difficult child, and everyone else is left reeling.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oh yeah, you'd think "no" or "clean" are some the worst insults on the planet! Followed closely by "unplug" or "remove".
  8. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Thanks for all the hugs and support. It would not make a difference if we bought or rented because the blow ups happen ANYTIME we say no, or no more, time to turn it off, or tell him to do something he doesn't want to do. ANYTIME he is frustrated or doesn't get his way - BOOM! There is no reasoning with him. Even when all is calm and we try to talk to him about it - he doesn't apply it in the moment of frustration. There is NEVER any remorse shown, no apologies, no nothing. I am convinced no counseling is ever going to resolve this. So then what? No more video games, no more computer, no more friends, no more expectations, no more nothing? This is not good for any of us and it is teaching my 3 year old to be just like him. We need a miracle here. Plus I am fighting with his school daily just to get his homework, coats, lunch bags, and planner home everyday. They aren't doing ANYTHING to help. This is more than a full time job dealing with all of this and then my husband wonders what's for dinner?!?!!!!!! Give me a BREAK. Sorry.... I just feel defeated. Got up this morning and difficult child was his same moody, irritable self. His day is going to be **** because his teacher (I'm sure) is getting very sick of me and now the principal is involved - so he is going to continue to feel it and they won't change him to a different more supportive classroom. I have had teachers tell me his current teacher is not the right fit for him. Arrrghhh!
  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Sorry Jules ... I truly can say I know how you feel. It does sometimes feel like nothing is going to work but things will get better. Try and get some ME time in for yourself if possible ...
  10. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    has it always been as bad as it is now?

    i wonder if some of it isnt due to concerta...its not a wonder drug for everyone.

    for us, it was the devil incarnate. if things seem like they are continuing to spiral out of control, i might be looking in that direction and consider trialing something else. (or tracking times of days to see if there is some kind of rebound effect happening)

    or maybe you've thought of that....

    but i feel for you--some days are horrid.
  11. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    It seems like it is getting worse or more frequent, but not as a result of the increase of his concerta 3 weeks ago. I wonder all the time if it might be the concerta. Last night I said again to husband maybe we should just take him off the stimulants and try Intuniv by itself. I don't know and I don't want to make things worse. The psychiatrist doesn't seem to listen when I say I wonder if the stimulants are NOT the right thing for him. Why is that so freaking hard to understand?!!! I am not really ready to try an antidepressant or Risperdal UNTIL I know for sure if the stimulants are a good or bad idea. He has been on several stimulants (focalin, adderall, vyvanse, concerta) for almost 3 years now. We get relief with some of the ADHD symptoms during the day - but it doesn't seem like we get enough benefit. Seems like it's bad on or off stimulants.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Straterra isn't a stimulant, have you tried it for his ADHD?
  13. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Nope. That is one we have not tried. Pediatrician said she didn't think it would touch his ADHD - how does she know?! psychiatrist has never suggested it. I just faxed a letter to psychiatrist saying we want to take him off the stims entirely and try the Intuniv alone - I asked for a response back today. Hopefully he will respond, otherwise he's FIRED! Can you tell I am fed up?!

    by the way, your difficult child's diagnosis could totally fit mine I think.
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    They do sound like very similar kids! She did well on the straterra for a year until anti-depressants were added in. psychiatrist said she couldn't go higher on the straterra (she was on 40mg and he'd previously told me 60mg was highest she could, wtf?)
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Having walked in your shoes many moons ago, I feel your pain. I wont scare you with the details of my life because you would run for the hills...lol.

    I really wonder if you are dealing with something other than ADHD and ODD. Oddly...pun intended...that was Cory's first diagnosis. Cory could be the demon child or the sweetest kid on earth...you just didnt know who you were going to get. We did therapy of all kinds from the time he was 4 until he was 17. He could therapy speak with the best of them. In the office he knew exactly what to say and do but he couldnt apply it in the real world. The stimulants - he was on ritalin at first and then adderall - worked for making his hand writing a bit better and he was a bit more still, but it did nothing for his behaviors. When he was small, they didnt acknowledge BiPolar (BP) in kids around here. They just kept telling me there was something off about Cory...something more was wrong with him. He was different than other ADHD/ODD kids they dealt with. Well yeah!

    We found out later he was bipolar. Or maybe he was. We truly have never seen much in the way of depressive episodes until one time in his early 20's when he took a bunch of pills when his baby's momma said she was gonna keep his baby away from him. He claims he did that just for show...dont know. I called ambulance and he was admitted for 24 hour hold. Now they say bipolar and unknown personality disorder.

    Mental health is a puzzle. You have to try different medications to see what will help the symptoms. That might give you a clue as to what the diagnosis is. If stimulants are causing more harm than good, then trying something else seems fair. Maybe something to even out his mood would be good to try. I know I have a lot of anger problems. I present in my bipolar a lot like early onset bipolar and my own theory on that is because I have been bipolar since I was a child. I can rage quite well...lol. Since being on mood stabilizers I dont do that very often.

    I dont know if anything I have said here has helped you at all. If you have questions or want to ask me something...just post with my name in it. I am having a problem getting PM's for some reason. The page just wont load for me. I dont mind answering anything publicly because I have probably already said it on here before..lol.
  16. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    difficult child 1 presented much like your difficult child when he was his age. So sorry you're going through such an absolute HE77!!! Believe it or not, there is hope. There were many times I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it was always there. difficult child 1 is now out of the "nest," living on his own, and finishing up his last year at a local junior college.

    To back up a bit, one of difficult child 1's teachers suspected he had ADHD when he was young. We brought him to a therapist and was told he didn't have ADHD but has ODD. The psychiatrist failed to mention that ODD rarely stands alone - Lots of times ODD is more like symptoms of another disorder - Hope this makes sense! I'm in a bit of a rush. Anyway, it might be a good idea to have your difficult child evaluated again.

    Just checked the time - Got to go pick up difficult child 2 at his after school social skills group. The FUN never ends... Anyway, I'll try to come back here when I have a bit more time and finish what I want to tell you.

    Until then, hope today is a much better day!!! SFR
  17. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm back, still don't have too much time and totally lost my train of thought... Anyway, you said one thing that makes so much sense to me. I don't think therapy sessions can help some of our difficult children until an accurate diag is made and they're on the right combo of medications. This was especially true in difficult child 1's case.

    As it turned out, difficult child 1 is a very high functioning Aspie and also is bipolar. I'm not suggesting that your difficult child has the same diags but so many different disorders present with ODD. There was no way any psychiatrist/therapist, etc., was going to be able to get through to him until he was able to truly listen to what was being said. I'm still on the fence about whether I think any of his counseling sessions actually helped him or if it was just finding the right combo of medications.

    Vent away as much as you need to. Someone is always here to "listen." I would have lost whatever little is left of my sanity if I hadn't found this place, others who have walked in my shoes and totally "get" where I'm coming from.

    As I said earlier, I hope today is a much better day for you!!! Hugs... SFR
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in more understanding hugs. I so get it.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jules, I know the feeling! Just went through that last Friday, when I took away difficult child's computer privileges (had to disconnect the guts of the computer) because he was mean almost all wk, he was late on 5 math assignments, and he was flunking soc. studies. He couldn't see how that related to the computer, when I reminded him that this was the plan we came up with-yrs ago, and also reiterated during a therapy session. Mom gets to pull the plug whenever she decides to. Her choice. Period.
    He was actually good on Sat., having spent all his energy arguing with-me (to the point where I laid down with-an ice pack and he shouldered his way into the bedroom and continued to harrass me). Sat. we played Monopoly and actually had a real conversation. He is so much more pleasant when he's not "plugged in."
    Do not give up. Do not give in. You have to show him that you are in charge.
    I have typed this b4: a friend once told me, "Dogs bark, right? So when your dog barks, do you think that's unusual?"
    I look at my son as a barking dog. When he throws a fit, he is just being who he is. If he said, "Okay Mom, I understand perfectly and I deserved to have the computer taken away," it would be totally out of charcter," Know what I mean??
    Not that it makes the stress that much easier, but it does help a but.
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    We started CPS and TEC when Wee was 4. Back when not saying no wasn't so painful. I can't imagine trying to start at this age.

    I wish I had the magic wand to wave for us all.