"You are not suppose to tear down your kid"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Last Thursday, difficult child came home with a science assignment (Find who/how penicillin was discovered and write a paragraph on it). On Monday, as we walked out the door, I asked difficult child if he was suppose to do his science. He forgot.

    Thus starts the argument of whose responsibility it is for him to remember to do his homework. He hardly has any homework and our nights vary in schedule from night to night that we do not have a homework schedule set up. I told him it is his homework thus his responsibility. He argued that as mom, I am suppose to remind him to do it. I told him it is not my job to remember everything for everyone. I had totally forgot it myself.

    We were not home Thursday night, Friday night, all day Saturday and he had a friend over Sunday after church. We went grocery shopping after we took the friend home. He told me Sunday night was out because I asked him to make cookies (Silly boy - just tell mom that homework comes first, I think she will understand). So, his available times: Saturday night, Sunday afternoon if he didn't invite friend over, and Sunday night. Yep, enough time.

    difficult child then decided it was no big deal. "I will only loose one dollar" (pretend money earned and lost in school - he has to pay for undone homework assignments). That started another argument while I tried to get him to understand that homework is a large part of your grade. "Nope, it will just cost me one dollar."

    By the time we arrived at school, I was very angry. We walked into the school and I said, "Fine, should I just tell your teacher that you are not going to do homework for the rest of the year and we will see how that effects your grades?"

    "Mom, parents are not suppose to tear down their kids like that!" I just replied, "Kids are suppose to do their homework without parent's reminding them." :(

    I talked to his teacher later and told her what had happened. She said she has raised the price of not doing homework to $2.00 and when she told difficult child that will be $2, he just replied, "I will have it done by tomorrow."

    So, money does talk to my difficult child as long as we find the right price! and like all kids, difficult child knows the parent's role but can not accept the child's role in life. :laugh:

    p.s. He came home that night, went straight to the internet and had his assignment done in no time with no input from me.
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Amazing. Well, he's very mature with his wording of what "mom" isn't supposed to do LOL. Sorry but as I read that I had to laugh. The things they can come out with!

    In regards to the homework it is always a battle I think to complete it. I also find alot of times the cirriculum can be way too aggressive. Yet I get your point of it has to be done. I have a rule I don't go over 45 min. with difficult child to do it. If it goes over 45 min. I cut it off. I told the teacher that as well.

    As far as money goes, that's pretty funny that when he heard that inflation hit the h.w. he rose to the occassion.

    So, I was wondering is that the normal thing as far as the hw is concerned? That the school charges for missing hw?

    Glad he came home and did it tongiht. :)
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I was a reminder type mom. There wasn't a forcing of doing it -- that was a battle I couldn't tolerate -- but I did remind her what was due when. It was her responsibility to decide when to do it. Sadly, her choice was usually to not do it all no matter what the consequences. So, I guess I'm kind of on his side about the reminder being mom's job.

    However, I love the not tearing down your kid comment. This was not something I'd heard from my child and I thought I had heard it all. Thanks for the chuckle and good luck. You definitely have a lawyer in the making.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you handled it perfectly! I too am a reminder type mom with easy child. We don't do any type of hw battle with difficult child.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Charging for h.w. is part of a classroom math project. It is all pretend money. Each kid gets a checkbook and earns "money" for not misbehaving (starts with 5 plastic fruit on the desk and if you talk in class, ect. you get one taken away - whatever is left at the end of the day, you get $1 per fruit. Money is spent to buy back anything teacher found sitting out (like a calculator not put away), undone homework, and purchases at the class store once a month. Kids are learning how to use a checkbook - they actually have to write a check for penalties.'

    p.s. I do remind if I remember - I am not always good at remembering myself.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Wow, that is very very cool.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  8. ML

    ML Guest

    I like the money idea. Manster's 4th grade did a lottery whereby they received chances to win based upon things they did right. He lost all his chances early on and then felt "why bother, I already lost the lottery". But he doesn't like to "get in trouble" or displease his teacher and these things motivate him the most.

    Our homework battles are more along the lines of it being just "too much". I help him with it and can't imagine him doing it all without help. It's a lot even for a easy child. We cheat in little ways like taking turns reading for the required 30 minutes which is usually 15-20.

    I too am a reminderer. But we do have a nightly routine. Some day I will have to ease out of the reminding business. I think it's good that you encourage that level of independence.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    :redface:I am SOOOOOOOOO glad you found something that worked AND that you actually HAVE a teacher that is willing to be creative...and clever.

  10. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I love the money idea!!! Isn't is amazing how our children blame us for everything? We get the blame for all of the bad stuff, yet no credit for any of the good. Ain't parenthood a joy?

    Glad he got it done. :)