You Know, I Just Think I've Had It

[Janna]

with stupid people. Honestly, the therapists and counselors and caseworkers and TSS's and Behavioral Specialists and Family Based and Intensive Family and theraputic this and theraputic that and argh. I'm just 100% fed up with it all.

Today was Dylan's 10 day whatever it is to make his treatment plan. I dunno what they call it, exactly. They do it over the phone, which, that in itself, is odd to me.

So, the therapist, caseworker and Dylan were there, at the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), on speaker, and I was here, at work, on the phone with them. She asked me 100 questions, many questions circled around sexual stuff, is he a cutter, burner, etc, etc. All extreme stuff. Then asked me other things, how he got along with kids, etc etc.

Then, she asked it.

"Has he tried ADHD medications before?"

Okay, I provided this idiot with a full psychiatric evaluation from our psychiatrist that states EVERY medication Dylan has ever taken (our MH/MR lady even said how impressed she was with the psychiatric evaluation, never saw one that detailed before). I've talked to psychiatrist here at the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) about all the medications, at least in the whole 8 minutes I got to spend with him.

Aside from the fact that he's Bipolar.

That question, it me off. I answered "YES and the answer is NO, and I won't ever sign to try one, so move on".

I have no patience left. She's mumbling to me about maybe I should give him time outs. What the ?>[email protected]?! What?

This ain't gonna work. I just see it. I have no patience or tolerance for one more single idiot in my life. None.

I told her if there were to be any discussions regarding medications I expect them from the psychiatrist. Not some damn therapist.

He had a cough last night when I went to see him. I casually say, "hey Dylan, why don't you ask staff for a Halls or something?". The guy, staff guy, says to me "that has to be approved through the physician who's only here once a week". HUH? It contains mentholyptus, it could be a problem with his medications. Ok, dumb dope, I'm a psychiatrist in hiding, it's not, give him the damn HALLS!

Then, they've been allowing him to sleep with no diaper. Why, you ask? Because he is, again, for the 3rd time, on DDAVP. So, why waste money on diapers when he is taking the pills? LOL! He's waking up, middle of the night, every night, soaking wet! SOAKING. Know what happened last time this happened, when he went without diapers, around 4 years old? He got RINGWORM! I tell them, get a diaper on him. "That has to be approved through the psychiatrist, and he won't be in until Thursday" (this was Tuesday I called). I told that lady she better get a diaper on my son or I was pulling him out.

I think they can help him with his behaviors, but I'm not some dimwit retard that is gonna stand by and take their garbage either.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vent over. Thank you.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Stupid should be painful.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

:angel: hugs :angel:

Sharon

 

[WhymeMom?]

You kinda lose faith in places when YOU know more than the "supposed" people in charge and they have to get an okay from a doctor to use a diaper? Well, duh......and BBK is on the right track....stupid IS painful.....

 

[busywend]

Of course you know your son best. AND you do know what is best for him. So tell them that you need them to put the diaper on at night. Tell them you would be willing to go over the psychiatrist report with them sooner rather than later so everyone is on the same page.

It is frustrating - but you will have to remain patient for now.

 

[slsh]

Janna, hon.... take one really *deep* breath.

You are understandably gun shy after all you've been through with- difficult child #2. There is a learning curve with- new caretakers/staff and I'd bet my bottom dollar that you are going to be far more successful with- Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff than you were with- the various fosters.

First things first - is Dylan safe? He has a cough. Call unit and request that he see Residential Treatment Center (RTC) nurse *today*. He's waking up soaking and staff for some ridiculous reason thinks diapers are by prescription only. Again, Dylan needs to see nurse *today*, for both of these issues. If this cannot be done, then *first* thing tomorrow morning or a call from a supervisor as to why not. Pleasant request, not threatening, but follow up on it tomorrow. Personally, I'd bring the diapers up myself tonight, not in an outwardly angry or frustrated manner, but just to make sure Dylan gets what he needs, now. You are still his parent and you have that right. If staff insists on rx, invite them to please call psychiatrist or whomever now - you *know* that there are medical staff available 24/7, one way or another.

I really really suspect that you might possibly be running into staff who are used to dealing with- parents who say "ok" and leave it. It takes a while to get staff to figure out that we're not that way. Deep breaths. These are hopefully minor frustrations compared to the benefit that Dylan will get out of the program given your description of it.

The staffing via phone has become the norm for me over the last 4 years or so. Used to be I'd trek to wherever but now they do it by phone. It is more convenient all around, in my humble opinion, but if you want to do staffings in person, just tell them that's what you'd like. Again, probably not the usual parent request, but then you are *not* the usual parent, are you? :warrior:

The gazillion, unrelated questions? SOP. And no, they probably didn't read your evaluation yet. Grit teeth, breathe deeply (probably sit down in case of hyperventilation), and let them get organized.

Is Dylan safe? Yes.

Therapist thinks time outs might work? Invite her to please feel free to give it a try. Tell her what your experience has been with them and what you would expect Dyl's response to be. Again, just my experience, but that learning curve works both ways - staff has to figure out that you really do know what you're talking about (again, remember that most parents are not like you by any stretch) and they also have to earn your trust as well. A 2 way street which is excrutiating the first couple of weeks.

I feel your frustration in my very nerve endings, Janna. been there done that. I really very strongly feel, based on your description of the program, that once staff gets to know you and understand that you *are* the expert on Dyl, things will get a bit smoother. They are never going to do everything they way you would, and there may be some things you are really going to have to stay on top of (nursing service was a biggie at thank you's first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), which in all other ways was outstanding).

Hang in there!

 

[DammitJanet]

Janna...Slsh is dead on right. There is a huge adjustment period when staff is getting to know you and Dylan.

They dont know that you have gone to the mat for him over and over again. For all they know you are just some slacker mom who watches tv all day and eats bonbons and never thought to tell her kid NO! They really havent had the chance most likely to read everything you gave them. Not if they have dozens of kids.

Just answer the questions they ask you, tell them what they want to know, invite them to try whatever behavioral tactics they think would work THERE...and let them find out the hard way.

It is very hard to turn our kids over to someone else to try and fix. We have to bite our tongues over and over again but its for the best.

 

[wakeupcall]

Sometimes others have to find out for themselves. I run into things like this with the school. OK, you don't trust what I tell you? Then go ahead, find out for yourself! He has lots of anxiety.....oh, you don't see it? Well, good for you. It goes on and on.

I would throw a real tantrum myself, though, over the diapers. Poor Dylan....he needs that security of not awaking wet.

Warrior Moms? You BET!!!!

 

[Janna]

Hey Sue, maybe you could just come live with me for the next few months until I get it right? :smile: That's not asking too much, huh? :flower:

I know, you ~ Janet ~ right. I know. I took the frustrations out here instead of on the therapist LOL! I was telling a friend, maybe I'm Bipolar too, because as she was asking me the "have you tried ADHD medicine" question, I saw myself stabbing her in the eye with the pen I was holding.

Is that bad? :smile:

Anyway ~ the diaper incident, I think when I told the caseworker on Tuesday night about the ringworm incident, she freaked, because he did have one last night. Then today, the psychiatrist did approve them, but also increased the DDAVP another .2 mg (he's already on 2 mg, I dunno how much .2 is difference wise). So, he has the script now. What really got me about the whole thing is, when I admitted him, I told the woman at admissions there were two brand new jumbo packs of Overnights there, the reason why, and she said "okay, they'll check that in with his clothing". That was last Monday night. So, Tuesday, when I spoke to Dylan, he said they locked them up and wouldn't let him have them. I figured they're waiting on the DDAVP to work. Wed night he woke up dry! Then the rest of the week, weekend, Monday night again, soaking, soaking wet. When I asked about the Overnights to the staff, I got the run around. Call the therapist. No, call the caseworker. *sigh*

Yes, Dylan's safe. It's not a dying type of cough, it's not pneumonia or bronchitis, but it's an irritated cough from allergies. Very dry. A Halls or two would just fix it LOL! I mean, geez, the big deal is what? I dunno, I guess I just miss that part.

What triggered today was that we had this phone meeting at noon. She was very specific, she'd call me, a few minutes before 12, then we'd start. Well, 12:20, no call! So, I call her. "Oh, we're running late, sorry". Well, I'm at WORK, I took my lunch at 12, because she said they were calling at 12. I said well, it's okay, I just didn't get a call. "Well, we're busy". WELL ~ EXCUSE ME! IM NOT!

Why aren't all these people on the same page? Sue, I made copies of everything LOL! I mean, this psychiatric evaluation Dylan's psychiatrist gave, very detailed. I made four copies, one for the admissions lady, one for new psychiatrist, one for therapist, one for me. Didn't she read it? I mean, hello?????????????????????

You're right, this is very hard. And you're right, there's alot of kids there who's parents live hours away, or have no parents, or have parents that don't care. But, I'm not any of those, I live 10 minutes from the place (they are probably soooooooo regretful now LOL). I've been there 4 times in 10 days he's been in. And going tomorrow LMAO!

I think the phone thing is because they don't like the parents and kids together much. I just don't get that either. And visits home, they're so limited. I don't like that either.

This is so hard. It's so different from difficult child 2. That was horrible, and yeah, I think I have such a level of PTSD from that, it's probably transferring to here.

The time out ~ he's honeymooning. I told her, we let him have his rage, they are ignored here as long as he's safe. When he's done, he goes to his room, it's automatic, and he can play his music or whatever there. She was dead silent the whole time. I dunno. Then said again about time outs. Well, you go ahead, lemme know how you make out.

This is gonna kill me for sure.

Well, Sue, if you can't come, maybe Janet will.

Janet?

:smile:

Thanks, everyone.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, Janna, I am so sorry! That would send me into orbit, too.
Hugs.

 

[busywend]

Janna, as long as I have been a board member every placement I read about discouraged the parental visits - especially in the beginning. I think most were one visit every 2 weeks.

There must be a reason for that. I have no idea what it is! LOL!

But, I bet it is key to the success of your difficult child.

 

[DammitJanet]

I was going to make the suggestion that maybe you are visiting a tad bit...ohhhh toooooo often.

I think you should cut back to visiting only on the weekends. Maybe wait a week or two to do that for the first little bit to give him time to settle in. Call him once or twice a week.

Good lord girl...as much as you have been there, you might as well have rented a room too!

Dylan needs time to acclimate himself into his new surroundings without you around. He cant do that if he is always waiting for you to ride in and take charge. He has to learn to rely on himself and his new treatment team.

Let go a bit.

 

[Janna]

Ok, maybe the visits are a tad too much.

I call nightly. They said that is fine to do, it's only 10 minute calls. We just talk about how his day at school was, what he did, and what level he's on. Aside from me wanting to know how he really is doing, I'm tracking his level/behaviors, etc. for my own personal use. I won't d/c the nightly calls. But yeah ~ ok ~ maybe I shouldn't visit 3x a week. *sigh* :sad:

 

[Lothlorien]

As if you haven't tried time outs??? Good grief! I like what BBK said

Stupid should be painful

 

[crazymama30]

Stupid is painful for the people putting up with it, unfortunately it has no affect on the stupid themselves.

Good luck Janna, I cannot imagine being where you are.

 

[Hound dog]

I agree. "stupid should be painful"

Janna, I can hear your frustration throughout your post. (not that I really blame you) How about on one of your breaks from visiting Dylan you do something extra nice for Janna??

I know it's hard. But the honeymooning won't last long.

(((hugs)))

 

[Wiped Out]

Janna,
I can totally understand your frustrations. Hugs.

 

[slsh]

Sorry, Janna - was in the dark for a day or so (ok, obviously *much* longer, but we won't go there :rofl: ). But you *are* doing it right, in my humble opinion. You're being involved, assertive, frustrated, and hovering. It really will balance out. Yes, it would be much simpler if they'd read the reports and really hear us but... again, not to beat a dead horse, but can you imagine some of the parents they have to deal with-?

thank you was 9 when he went to first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it was about an hour away on a good traffic day, a solid 2 hours on bad traffic days. We visited faithfully *every* weekend. I called every night for the first 2 years (until we tried a no-contact plan). I think you're being reasonable, but that's just remembering how it was when thank you was that age and remembering what I had to do for my own reassurance that he really was ok.

Flooded basement versus visiting Janna for moral support.... hmmmmm, tough choice. I'll be there by noon. :smile:

 

[DammitJanet]

Ya know...Cory is being a PITA. I think he has got himself locked into the hole. I could do with a nice long vacation myself. Sue...wanna meet up at Jannas?

 

[tessaturtle]

When our difficult child was in there, we alternated evening visits with his mom, but someone visited each evening. The staff seemed to welcome it. Each place is different though.

difficult child used to have 'waterfalls' every night too and had to wear pull ups (at age 9). Once the Lithium was discontinued...no more wet nights!

Good luck, Janna, and make the best of the situation and take some time for yourself, its the best thing you can do for all of you :smile: