22 yr old bipolar son in trouble and i'm lost

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by desperately broken, Jul 19, 2017.

  1. desperately broken

    desperately broken New Member

    I have been reading posts from a few years ago. in the 30 mins of reading other people's comments, it has brought maybe a glimpse of comfort knowing we aren't alone. But I am at a loss as to how to navigate this nightmare of a disease of bipolar my 22 yr old son suffers from. He wasn't officially diagnosed until 18 with Bipolar 1. This was after increasing mood swings and of course drug abuse. He has been in and out of our home since. We have witnessed the ups and downs, rages of anger, jobs coming and going. He has been in and out of trouble and as of 10 days ago found himself back in jail due to being off his medications, 'self medicating' with multiple vices. My husband called the cops and he was arrested. The bond was placed that if he didn't go get evaluated 7 days after bond, he would be back in jail. We were not bonding him out until we had a program we felt would help. Or course, the system fails for true programs that will help unless you have 10's of thousands of dollars to pay out of pocket. and all not having the ability to keep him there and knowing he would sign himself out. He swallowed a razor blade in jail (wrapped in tissue) so he could get out. They actually released him on his own. The hospital determined he wasn't a threat and released him. He said he was ready for help, but we are in the state of his bipolar MAJOR DOWN, which accompanies extreme erratic behavior and anger. He says he doesn't want to live, doesn't care if he dies or back in jail in one breath and then 30 minutes later, he's back to i'm sorry and i want help. He is supposed to go with my husband today to be evaluated and now will not go. He still hasn't been on his medications because the jail didn't give them to him. I know this has to be his decision, but I'm having a tough time with knowing how to go through this process knowing he is making poor decisions out of his manic state and not a stable state of mind. I'm terrified that he will not receive the help he needs going back to jail either. Or more so..hurt himself if we leave him to figure it out on his own.
    desperately broken
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    If he doesn't go for help, can you have the police take him back to jail?

    So sorry you are going thru this. Have you read the article on detachment near the top of this forum? I felt it really had some good info that was helpful. Ksm
  3. seek

    seek Member

    I would dial 911 and tell the police he is a "danger to himself" and ask that he be put on psychiatric hold - then advise the people holding him of his most recent behavior. This is serious stuff. I would try to get him the mental health help (evaluations) that he needs.

    In my state they have a three day hold, then a 14 day hold, and then there might be one after that - not sure.

    Sending you strength.
  4. seek

    seek Member

    I think when you call the police you can ask for people with special mental health designations to respond (I know others know more about this, so I hope they respond).
  5. desperately broken

    desperately broken New Member

    The jail released him to the hospital because they said they didnt have the ability to provide proper care. He was calm at the hospital and seemed completely rational. They kept him and evaluated him. They determined he was not a danger to himself and that it was just a calculated move to get out. He agreed that is was calculated, but that was a pretty risky move to take none-the-less. I did tell him last night that if he threatened himself I would call the police so they could hold him for those 72 hours. He said he would deny it. I walked away, went to my room and began to pray as always. Within the next 20 mins he calmed down and was eating dinner and watching tv with the family. But I did call once before 4 years ago (the last time he threatened). The facility is a joke. He behaves, says what they need to hear to release him. Then things were good (or better) for awhile, then it cycles through. This has been the worst so far.

    I just spoke to my husband and he did wake up and as of a few minutes ago, he is agreeing to go for an evaluation. This could change at any moment, but praying he does. I'm waiting on pins and needles.
  6. desperately broken

    desperately broken New Member

    I did just read it prior to this thread. It is helpful!
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Praying for you that he does go. This is very hard I'm sure.

    I've read here where others have said that even if police don't seem to be doing anything to keep calling, that way you have a paper trail that you may be able to use later.
  8. desperately broken

    desperately broken New Member

    Thank you for the advice. I just read your bio. I sure would welcome tips on how to deal with this emotionally. My husband and I are emotionally spent and not sure where the line is for supporting him and helping him to enforcing of tough love and praying to God he doesn't hurt himself.
  9. desperately broken

    desperately broken New Member

    How can we determine what is a reaction of the current manic or manipulation on our emotions? He threatens and then just sits down and participates in the family evening like nothing happened? Being off his medications I have to assume its the Bipolar..but not sure its totally to blame...or is it just part of it. I just don't know what is what anymore and what it right to do anymore.
  10. seek

    seek Member

    I don't care what the hospital said: Anyone who swallows a razor blade has serious mental health issues and should be evaluated. It doesn't matter "why" he did it - just that he DID do it.

    Praying for strength for you.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, even if your son is psychotic and in the hospital, nobody can legally force him to take medication or go for help afterward. The holds are usually not long enough to do any good. Its scary that he did not get his medications in jail and very sad that the mentally ill often end up in jail due to their illness because there is nowhere else to send them. That is a big problem for many and its horrible.

    I hope your son somehow gets back on his medications and bounces back. Sending lots of hugs.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I have been in therapy for over a year and that is what helps me to deal with it all and maintain healthy boundaries. You may want to try that for yourself and husband if he'll go. My husband and I discuss things together and he is handling things well on his own. He is very strong and my salvation. Everyone has different limits on what they can handle and when they as parents can't take it anymore and know that the life they have isn't working and the only help they know how to give isn't helping.

    You have to find what makes you feel better. Someone that has a background in mental health may be able to direct you on how to help your son also. My situation is different but the same as in my son was suffering and we were suffering too. There IS help out there you just have to find it. It's not hopeless!

    Be glad you found this forum to connect with others that have walked this path before you. Take what you need and leave the rest.
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Really rough to deal with this. Take care of yourself. Mental illness can be all consuming for the care giver.