A little update


Well-Known Member
Hi all,

Well I couldn't stay away for too long, missed you guys.

Husband and I are not doin so well with our relationship...which is fine, just gonna take alot, ALOT, of sobriety "truth" to stay on the beam and not get rattled. He gave me a "warning" last night (in regard to the amount of time I spend at meetings) and he is going to "do something about our checking account" if I take money out myself without asking his permission for money, that is, getting money he gives me. Things are getting Pretty Uncomfortable for him the better and better I get. Had no idea how spiritually sick our family has been. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/tired.gif
We've both contributed to this mess but I so don't want to keep destroying each other in the process.

Have been told about a book called Recovery Love, I think that's what it's called anyway. Am gonna check it out sometime soon.

Young difficult child turned 18 and moved out in the same week with his girlfriend. easy child is at home and decided to go back to an Al Ateen meeting the other night, so happy for her ...there are no more difficult child boys here, only a difficult child mom and dad left now, however, the underside of the toilets is Much cleaner. :grin: Oh, and oldest difficult child got a visit from easy child and dad about a month ago, I stayed out of it...none of my business husband's relationship with his children, I have my own.

Did have to be hospitalized recently, looks like it might be Thyroid problem and not psychiatric, though apparently they can look the same.

I am having the time of my life at AA and AL Anon.
I wish I had accepted, been ready for all the promises and gifts of this program many, many, years ago...but, it takes what it takes. Progress, NOT perfection, smiles.

with love,


Active Member
Nice update LMS. Everything in moderation.....balance is the key. :smile: It's not easy juggling all the personalities and life in general.

Has husband gone to alanon?


New Member
I'm glad you are getting support from alanon. It's a great place to go. I guess husband doesn't believe in it if he's warning you about how much time you are spending there. Glad you thinking about you and doing what you need to do for yourself.
Good to see you back :smile:


Well-Known Member
Good to see you are okay Tammy. I think many marriages go through some trials at about year 20. husband and I are also having some issues. They do not revolve around money, but instead on lack of common interests. With the children all grown, I think we just have to get to know each other again. That's really hard, considering that much of his time for the past 10 years has been spent as cargiver for his parents. I have had to develop my own life without him, and I think, sometimes, he resents that I did. Hopefully, one day, we can again reconnect. Until then, we just live like "roommates" with "rings"


Former desparate mom
<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Hi Tammy, it's good that you are feeling better. Hope they find the root of the problem. I'm a big fan that if something isn't working get an expert opinion and get it fixed regardless of the label.
Sounds like the boys are moving forward. Where was easy child? Glad she is home.
It's unfortunate that husband is uncomfortable. Marriage always seems to be on the way up to the peak or down into a valley. Hope things turn around with husband.
Take care of yourself. </span>


Well-Known Member
Thanks Judi, the relationship is being taken care of I suspect, with or without my interference. It's so wonderful to begin to grasp what "forced" solutions are about and surrendering to win is about. We'll see what happens. hugs.

Sunny Florida, moderation. Oh, but I Love intensity, lol. I hear ya! No, though...husband has Not gone to Al Anon. It may come to that...something will likely give, hm. hugs.

Thanks Karen, not really sure what husband "thinks" but it does seem as though he's frightend about my changes.
I am definitely being taken care of...it's so wonderful to not live every moment in fear or isolation or sadness. The colors are brighter and all things seem to be where they belong, as strange as that may sound. I really, really, REALLY like letting myself be cared for, it's cool for a change. hugs.

Hi Katmom, yes it is hard. I know from my own experience that sometimes I have placed great effort into areas that had no "payoff" at that particular time...but eventually lead to the place, to the people, situations, I was more effective with...
My husband and I have not spent alot of time enjoying the same activities. He is often about competition and being right I seem to gravitate more toward knowing and sharing with another...the down side is my "bleeding heart" syndrome, lol. I don't want to have to be right anymore OR even be liked by everyone, seems there are quite a few elements that have taken their toll previously on our household, but, it ain't over! smiles. I would love to finally attend plays, or art classes or photography groups or symphanies or just a rock concert, that's more who I am. I DO want to enjoy life and have fun. Someone told me the other day that I am choosing wealth over money. I still haven't figured out what they mean but I'm sure it'll make sense at some point if I continue on this current path. I have so many friens now, it's unreal. People just like me to talk to and share with and hook up with, it's wonderful.
The roommate with rings, yes...he and i exist in bed and walk around each others paths...we are barely interacting and when we do it is strained and I find myself checking out to pray because I can't work with him as things are at this moment...but, it's all good, really, it Will work out one way or another. hugs.

Thanks Janet, me too for sure. I'm having way too much fun enjoying life to get off this track. hugs.

Fran, Thank you. Yes, the root of the problem is being addressed. Thanks for your care. LOL, I have no clue why I said that easy child is at home...of course she's at home. She never left. Maybe I'm just "checked in" to her more now, I don't know...or maybe I'm just a goofball. One or the other who knows. Fran...husband and I are right where we belong. Honestly, this is not scary this time, I will be taken care of...that is what I want to hold to. hugs.

with love,


Active Member

It's so hard when we're in the throes of the chaos our difficult child's can create to see that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. It's good to hear that you and your family are healing and moving in a forward direction.



Well-Known Member
Thank you Deb...I'm amazed at what young difficult child has been able to achieve since big brother went to Jail and now SAFP. I have to be careful not to interfere with the kids relationships. I may have slightly messed up by giving oldest difficult child an update on young difficult child in a recent letter. Now, he is writing young difficult child. I am assuming (which I should maybe know better than to do that now, right?) but, I think that perhaps oldest difficult child will try and make moves on young difficult child to secure housing for himself, etc. Young difficult child has already told me he will have none of it...he feels to hurt and already used beyond current repair by the past events between the two of them. Time will tell.

Hope you and yours...All here, are healing and growing.
with Love,


New Member

Glad you are going to meetings. Sorry Hubby isn't supportive.
I hope that you are able to work it out if that is what you want.
It's so hard for those not going thru recovery to understand. I am sure your hubby finds alot of this foreign to him. Would he attend a meeting with you, so he can see for himself why you need to go???
I'm proud of you, keep on "keepin' on", Tammy! :bravo:

Melissa :angel: