My adult daughter (along with her boyfriend, three cats and a dog) have been living with me for over a year after she suffered a drug-induced psychotic breakdown. She is on drugs for bipolar disorder now, but has become verbally abusive. I cannot live like this any more.
Welcome. I'm sorry you're struggling with your daughter's abuse, it sounds like it's time for a change.
Often with our adult troubled kids, WE are the ones who do the heavy lifting of change. To that end I would encourage you to seek out some kind of support, either professional therapy, a parent group or any kind of program that deals with substance abuse and/or mental illness. To find therapists, you can go on the Psychology Today website or goodtherapy.org, they provide links to therapists in your area.
It's not uncommon for drugs to induce what appears to be bi-polar or other mental issues, and when the brain has the sufficient time to rid itself of the drugs, the diagnosis changes. And, your daughter may be bi-polar. I don't know. However, if it's bi-polar, addiction issues or any other kind of mental illness or any other issue, YOU DO NOT DESERVE VERBAL ABUSE. Nor should you put up with it. From anyone.
You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness provides courses for parents of mentally ill kids which are very beneficial, you may want to contact them, they have chapters in many cities, you can access them online. Many parents find solace and support at 12 step groups like Al Anon, NarcAnon and Families Anonymous. You may want to read the book, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. This is hard stuff, it is not unusual for us to require professional assistance in order to make any lasting changes.
Regardless of your daughters diagnosis, you are not responsible for her, you did not cause this, you cannot change it control it or fix it......all you can do is learn how to respond differently, set appropriate boundaries around negative, unhealthy and abusive behavior and get support for yourself so that you can find your own peace, your own joy and your own health. When our kids go off the rails for whatever reason, we often feel it is our responsibility to place them back on those rails.....however, it is up to them to choose life, to choose health and to choose to be responsible for themselves. Unless your daughter is psychotic, she is capable of knowing right from wrong.
Take care of yourself. Put yourself as the priority. You matter too. Your feelings and your needs and desires matter.
I'm glad you found us. You're not alone. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself as much support as you can muster.