It's been a long time since I originally posted here, and so many times I've logged on to post an update, but just never could get it all out. Here's a summary: grown daughter (raised essentially by me alone, with twice monthly visits with her dad), super awesome kid through school (good grades, etc), until her senior year when she became pregnant the first time. She has thrived and then regressed so often over the years, but eventually finishing college with a nice professional degree. In the meantime, multiple relationships, and now a total of 4 children (none have the same father), was married once to the nicest guy she's ever been with (but they are now divorced). I could write a novel... all the ups and downs... over the years. No substance abuse involved, but I'm pretty convinced she has ADD for certain, and maybe even Borderline (BPD). Again, I would love to chronicle details here, but there are just not enough hours (you can find my original post from a year ago for a little summary of what was going on then). So here we are now.... and see, I still don't even know where to start. Another new baby born this week (#4), and the baby daddy still doesn't know the role he wants to play.... and I guess there's no pressure from her as she's just cruising along without a plan.... he moved her out of the house she rented from me (which was OK and that house has been sold now so that enmeshment is broken - based on advice I was given here).... BUT he was a controlling asshead, and he moved her out to the country in Nov, and then walked out on her in Jan (when she was 5 months pregnant with his child). Yes, this is the kind of man she seems to prefer. What kind of thinking is this??? I really need to connect with other moms in this kind of situation. I need very specific advice on how to handle some things.... if you have a grown daughter (especially if she has kids) that you need to disengage from - and especially if you've been able to find a way to actually DO IT, please connect with me. I need to try to understand what I should do here. I DO NOT want to enable. I just want to disengage, and maintain a good relationship with my grands. They depend on me for a lot. They are young. I wish I could put things into words better.... sometimes I just can't deal. This is one of those weeks.