SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
My almost 14 yr old easy child daughter and I were always very close until this year. Things didn't get really bad between us until a few months ago. Until then, I just tried to accept her "attitude", lack of consideration for me, and not wanting to talk to me, as a part of growing up and separating herself from me in order to find herself.
However, things have gotten much worse. She no longer will do her household chores without me asking. When she does do them, she is visibly angry that she has to do them and usually doesn't complete them satisfactorily. For instance, she is supposed to feed the cat and clean her litter box every morning. Some mornings, she'll just feed the cat and leave the rest. Other mornings, she'll feed the cat, scoop the litter box, but leave litter all over the floor.
She has always been an honor roll student and is in the Junior Honor Society. Lately, she doesn't do her homework and I've been getting notes from several of her teachers. In our house, it's always been that homework comes before anything else. When she doesn't do her homework, she isn't allowed to use the phone. As soon as she turns in the assignments, she can have the phone back.
She refuses to do the assignments she hasn't turned in. She angrily yelled at me that she doesn't get credit anyway, so why bother!!! I explained to her that even though she will no longer get credit for them, it is her responsibility to do her homework. I explained to her that I don't have the luxury of deciding whether or not I'm going to do my work. It is part of being a responsible person.
She has gone without using the phone for a week now. Am I being too hard on her? I'm not trying to damage her social life but I firmly believe she needs to be responsible. She has made it quite clear that she isn't going to do the homework. Do I make her go until the end of the school year without using the phone?
Her attitude is way over the top. Yesterday when she got home from school she told me that I had to give her a ride to the school at 6:30 p.m. There was a meeting she had to attend for the Junior Honor Society. I asked her how long she knew about this meeting. She told me she was told about it awhile ago but forgot. I explained to her that I needed more notice. I told her that I wasn't going to be able to drop what I had to do just to drive her to school.
However, I didn't want her to miss the meeting as it really was important that she be there. I told her to call her father and ask him if he would be able to drive her. Well, an hour and a half later she still hadn't called him. I called her downstairs and asked her when she was planning on calling her father about the ride. I explained to her that she should be considerate and give him as much notice as possible. She screamed at me and said that this "is no big deal." I told her it is a "big deal" because he needs to plan the rest of his day and have time to eat dinner.
Her room is a total disaster area and should be condemned, lol! Her clothes are thrown everywhere and stuffed into balls in draws. I told her that until she takes care of her clothes, I won't buy her anything new. She refuses to clean up the mess. As a result, the only new clothes she has gotten this Spring are things she purchased herself with money she has from watching our neighbors' dogs.
The last dance of the school year is for eighth graders only. It's called a "prom" even though it is held at the middle school and really isn't much different from a regular dance except it is only for eighth grade students. There is always a theme and the kids dress accordingly.
To date, she hasn't mentioned what the theme is or the date of the "prom." She'll probably need something special to wear. I want her to be able to go and have a good time. I'll take her to get a new outfit. However, should I make her pay for it out of her dog sitting money? I'm tired of her treating me like garbage and I don't want to be "walked all over" by her.
I realize she is at a very difficult age. At the moment, I just don't know how I'm going to get through it!!! The only thing that matters to her are her friends, especially her boyfriend (he is another problem entirely - I'll save it for another time.)
I'm so sad and hurt by her behavior. As I said, she and I were always extremely close. I am having a very difficult time dealing with her totally unacceptable behavior. The only time she talks is when she is asked a question that requires an answer. Even then, she'll usually just nod her head "yes" or "no". She is rude and defiant when she has to talk.
Please help!!! All advice and suggestions are welcome!!! WFEN
However, things have gotten much worse. She no longer will do her household chores without me asking. When she does do them, she is visibly angry that she has to do them and usually doesn't complete them satisfactorily. For instance, she is supposed to feed the cat and clean her litter box every morning. Some mornings, she'll just feed the cat and leave the rest. Other mornings, she'll feed the cat, scoop the litter box, but leave litter all over the floor.
She has always been an honor roll student and is in the Junior Honor Society. Lately, she doesn't do her homework and I've been getting notes from several of her teachers. In our house, it's always been that homework comes before anything else. When she doesn't do her homework, she isn't allowed to use the phone. As soon as she turns in the assignments, she can have the phone back.
She refuses to do the assignments she hasn't turned in. She angrily yelled at me that she doesn't get credit anyway, so why bother!!! I explained to her that even though she will no longer get credit for them, it is her responsibility to do her homework. I explained to her that I don't have the luxury of deciding whether or not I'm going to do my work. It is part of being a responsible person.
She has gone without using the phone for a week now. Am I being too hard on her? I'm not trying to damage her social life but I firmly believe she needs to be responsible. She has made it quite clear that she isn't going to do the homework. Do I make her go until the end of the school year without using the phone?
Her attitude is way over the top. Yesterday when she got home from school she told me that I had to give her a ride to the school at 6:30 p.m. There was a meeting she had to attend for the Junior Honor Society. I asked her how long she knew about this meeting. She told me she was told about it awhile ago but forgot. I explained to her that I needed more notice. I told her that I wasn't going to be able to drop what I had to do just to drive her to school.
However, I didn't want her to miss the meeting as it really was important that she be there. I told her to call her father and ask him if he would be able to drive her. Well, an hour and a half later she still hadn't called him. I called her downstairs and asked her when she was planning on calling her father about the ride. I explained to her that she should be considerate and give him as much notice as possible. She screamed at me and said that this "is no big deal." I told her it is a "big deal" because he needs to plan the rest of his day and have time to eat dinner.
Her room is a total disaster area and should be condemned, lol! Her clothes are thrown everywhere and stuffed into balls in draws. I told her that until she takes care of her clothes, I won't buy her anything new. She refuses to clean up the mess. As a result, the only new clothes she has gotten this Spring are things she purchased herself with money she has from watching our neighbors' dogs.
The last dance of the school year is for eighth graders only. It's called a "prom" even though it is held at the middle school and really isn't much different from a regular dance except it is only for eighth grade students. There is always a theme and the kids dress accordingly.
To date, she hasn't mentioned what the theme is or the date of the "prom." She'll probably need something special to wear. I want her to be able to go and have a good time. I'll take her to get a new outfit. However, should I make her pay for it out of her dog sitting money? I'm tired of her treating me like garbage and I don't want to be "walked all over" by her.
I realize she is at a very difficult age. At the moment, I just don't know how I'm going to get through it!!! The only thing that matters to her are her friends, especially her boyfriend (he is another problem entirely - I'll save it for another time.)
I'm so sad and hurt by her behavior. As I said, she and I were always extremely close. I am having a very difficult time dealing with her totally unacceptable behavior. The only time she talks is when she is asked a question that requires an answer. Even then, she'll usually just nod her head "yes" or "no". She is rude and defiant when she has to talk.
Please help!!! All advice and suggestions are welcome!!! WFEN