Am I just being mean?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Last year I managed to get, for free, a pre-lit Christmas tree. It wasn't totally free, I paid for it in labor at an estate sale.

    I couldn't move it into the storage room. Neck surgery if you don't remember.

    husband put it in the box OUTSIDE. It sat out in the back yard, uncovered, in the weather, ALL YEAR. He has still refused to haul it off.

    I was VERY hurt and upset. I told him this.

    This year I will NOT go out and find a tree. IF husband wants a tree (part of the reason I got the tree was because husband had wanted a pre-lit one for YEARS and this one was very very beautiful) then husband can go and findone. I simply will NOT do it. NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT.

    Maybe this is childish. But I still see the tree in the backyard EVERY time I go out there. And it still hurts. I am still unable to lift it into the car to haul it off.

    Should I just get over this, or continue telling husband that it is HIS job?
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    If it were me, I'd keep telling husband it's his job.

    He wanted a pre-lit tree. You got one. All he had to do was put it away and he didn't, so now it's ruined.

    I guess you could look at it this way: If one of our children really wanted something, we got it for them, they didn't take care of it and it got ruined, would we go out and get them another?
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I bet you know what my answer is going to be lol. :)

    If it were me and I went out of my way last year to get a tree that makes husband happy and than all i wanted was it to be taken care of, preserved for the following year and he didn't listen........ i would probably say that is why i told you to handle it for the past year, and you didn't and now we dont' have a tree.

    So, if you would like a tree maybe you should plan a night when you and i can go together and find a new tree???

    Much nicer than you thought i'd react, yes?? :)

    It's holiday time and i'm slowly learning to pick and chose my battles.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Susie, I don't think you're being mean.
    You're letting your H experience the natural consequences of his actions (or in this case, his INactions)

    The one question I want to ask you is, Who will suffer most from not having a tree?

    If it's H, and you and the kids don't mind the absence of a tree, then on his head be it.
    If you're going to be saddened by not having a tree, then consider whether it's worth standing your ground. Maybe get a small potted evergreen that can survive outside in the yard?
    If it's the kids that are going to be hurt the most, then I would consider getting a tree anyway. Not a pre-lit tree, but one that you and the kids will really like, without any reference to what husband wants.

    Just want to make sure that in making your point, you're not cutting off your nose to spite your face.

    But no. You're not being mean. Justifably angry, yes. Mean, no.

    Sorry husband is being a PITA,
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Susie. We have similar conversations all the time at my house. The current topic is the new vanity we bought when I started to paint the bathroom before I blew out my knee and had surgery...and yes, the vanity is still outside in its box. I understand your irritation.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    No., you aren't being mean at all. I would be mean about this, however, I would get Wiz or even pay someone to drag that tree in the living room, no matter what shape it was in, and tell husband that this is the tree for the year, if he wanted it to look better, he should have taken care of it.

    Does anyone wonder why I am not married?
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Klmno, I like the way you think. Now THAT's a natural consequence.

    I guess the question now is, Susie can you stand to look at the ruined tree throughout the Christmas season, or would that keep your anger at full boil and not let you relax and enjoy yourself.
  8. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I'm not married either. If I were in that situation the tree would probably be protruding from the bottom part of his anatomy by now. Maybe you should just tell him our responses so he'd see what a wonderful, patient wife he has.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Maybe Santa will leave husband's present* under THAT tree this year (if bringing it in would be too painful for you...).

    *A Shiny New Dog House for him to live in until he makes things right.
  10. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    First hugs. I would say as long as it doesn't bother you or the kids then no tree. I don't put one up most years anymore. easy child decided two years ago (I think) she wanted a tree so she bought a small one for her room.

  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    This reminds me of the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree.

    For those who don't remember it -

    It had been a really difficult day for Santa at the North Pole. The toy rocking horses had been made with the rockers on backwards so they wouldn't rock properly; Mrs Claus was having trouble with the oven she was using to bake her Christmas cake and was very angry with clouds of smoke billowing form the kitchen; a team of elves were threatening to go on strike; and then the angel came in, dragging a huge Christmas tree.
    "Hey, Santa," yelled the angel. "Come over here and show me where you want me to put this tree!"

  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending hugs - ho frustrating, I feel your pain.

    If it were me, since I like a holiday tree and I like them on the smallish size, I would go get me a tree - for ME. And I would put it in a spot of my choosing, one where I could really appreciate it, and I would put lights on it that I liked and decorate it accordingly in the style that I like. Then I would enjoy it. I would not include H in any of it - not the choosing, not the lighting or decorating and not the enjoyment of it.

    Then I would buy a blank card for H and inside I would tell him that I really wanted to enjoy the holiday season as a couple and the first step in doing so would be for him to dispose of the unsightly tree from last year, kiss my behind for a few days and buy me something sparkly for Christmas this year. Then and only then will I sit on the couch with him and admire MY tree.

    If it's going to just burn inside of you not to have a nice tree and decorations...and if it's just going to keep you in a constant state of pissedoffness, then I would seriously consider finding a way to move past it and please yourself, with or without H helping. Yes, he's being a toad, but why let him ruin your holiday? Bieng all happy and festive may end up being a way to rub his nose in it and make him feel badly enough to finally get rid of the old tree. Why does Christmas have to be all about him anyway?
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That is too funny, Marg!! I had never heard it but it's a good one!
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The kids really want a tree. I don't really care what size. Though small IS better for our home. I was thinking about putting hooks on the wall and bookshelves and hanging ornaments on them all over the house.

    husband said it wouldn't be Christmas. I am fine with whatever tree, and will see about picking up the smaller one at the sale today (I am volunteering at an estate sale friends of ours are running - they do this for a living but she has been terribly ill this year and last - 5 surgeries and THEN they found cancer! - and not minor surgeries. Whack you open from stem to stern surgeries for 3 of them! So I will go work and refuse to let them pay me. THey can't afford it and I can work for a couple of hours for them.) I happened to see the tree as I walked through on Fri to leave a coke for my dad.

    I think I will be fine with a tree IF he will get the ruined one OUT of the backyard. I am more ticked off by the fact that he left it sitting in the backyard than I am about him ruining it. It has been back there for MONTHS.

    Once it is gone I will be muchly able to move on. So that will be on his list today and every day until it is g.o.n.e. gone.

    Thanks for understanding.

    Marg - I LOVE that story!!!!
  15. ML

    ML Guest

    I like your plan sus. I think I would ask nicely (again) that he please take care of disposing of the one in the back since it brings such painful memories for you. Tell him it would be the best Chrismas present EVER :)
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm sorry that no one in your family sees the bigger picture here. It's not just a tree - it represents a lot more to a woman.

    You found the estate sale
    You purused the sale for your "treasure"
    You worked the sale in exchange for the tree
    You brought the tree home
    It was what your husband wanted and asked for
    You were sure when he asked for that - he would take care of it

    So not only is the tree gone - but....
    The hunt was a waste
    Your work was a waste of your time
    Your great deal was a waste of your time
    bringing the tree home was a waste of your time
    Getting you husband what he wanted for was a waste of your skill to find, hunt and bring home the tree, and your time and effort to do it.
    Everyone leaving the tree out in the rain when you hurt so bad and did all that to get the tree hurts you deeper than just a tree.

    I would put an ultimatum in effect - and make it of your choosing as to tree, no tree - new tree hubby gets, new tree YOu get....but


    One way or another that tree needs to get gone, it's a reminder to you that YOU think your family doesn't care about the things you do to take care of them in the best way you can with the money you have....and your family thinks "Oh it's a free tree - no biggie." Get it gone......Sooner the better.

  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Susie, I know the feeling. I'm sorry.
    And angry for you.
    You are very forgiving.

    I LOVE klmno's idea! And Star's! Way To Go!
    Great story, Marg. :)
    Very similar to the yr I put up a new angel at the top of the tree, and commented, I don't like that angel. She has an awful look on her face.
    husband said, "You'd have an awful look on your face, too, if someone struck a tree up your b*typical teen."
  18. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I agree with would be in his bottom you-know-what.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks everyone.

    Star, you NAILED it. Exactly what I feel - all my time, hard work, effort to find what my husband wanted, just wasted.

    I can't set it on fire, it would release toxic fumes into the atmosphere. But it will be gone, and if I end up seriously hurt because I moved the heavy thing, well, husband can pay the dam hospital bills.

    And I have had to work very hard not to stick it up his @&&.

    Thanks for understanding.