New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Last post I wrote Tornado was in jail awaiting for space to open up for rehab. The judge ordered to keep her incarcerated until that happened. She called me several times with a list of things she would need, seemingly excited to be going to rehab. I wondered if the “get out of jail” card would work, but tried to think positively that at least she had this shot. So, I went and bought toiletries and other necessities from a list that the rehab provided.
There was a hint that she was planning to run. “Please check on Rain, because if I don’t know how she is doing, that would make me run.”
Hoku said “Mom, why do you have to get her anything? She is a grown woman, and has caused so much harm already.”
True.
I weighed whether I was enabling or not, by going out and getting these things, then made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t go overboard. That supporting her first stint at rehab was okay.
She called me several times, each time with a growing list of wants. Typical addict behaviors.
She lost her phone privileges last week, violated a rule.
The writing was on the wall.
I was still hopeful and wrote her a note yesterday and put it in a bag with a few comfort items.
“I haven’t been able to speak with my daughter over the weekend because she couldn’t use the phone.” I stammered to the rugged looking but nice reception lady.
“I don’t even know if she is still here or not....” I said.
The lady looked at me and said that she couldn’t tell me due to privacy issues. I sighed.
“Did you bring her something?” I said yes and she looked at me and shook her head no. I looked down at my feet and muttered “Oh no.” I thanked her and left, feeling kind of foolish, but reminding myself that Tornado had entered rehab already hinting at things that would “make her run.” That I had made bets with my inner naysayer voice that I would give her a week or so.
It’s been ten days.
Sigh.
“How do I tell the kids?” I thought to myself.
I wasn’t going to keep this from them. They took the news nonchalantly, granddaughter was silent, younger grandson said “All we can do is hope Tutu.” Which I thought was pretty mature. Older grandson was upset “She is so stupid.”
He, by the way is doing much better with his aunty and uncle.
So, we carry on with our lives while Tornado plays the outlaw role, bench warrant reissued.
Sigh.
I am not heartbroken. Disappointed. I know that she went to rehab not of her own accord, she was forced. I was hopeful that with time spent in jail to get clean that she might come round. Oh well. Just “another Tuesday.”
Meanwhile, I will deal with whatever backslide this may or may not trigger with her kids.
I will not be going out on a limb for “necessities”
the next round of rehab, if that day comes.
Done my part.
Lesson learned.
How I had hoped for a miracle.
Not giving up hope, just tired friends.
I am a bit worried that with months clean, she may over do her next high. There, I wrote it. I was going to delete, not wanting to admit to my catastrophic thought process, but it is the reality of the disease.
Going to give it all to God and carry on, one step at a time.
What else can I do?
Sigh.
New Leaf
There was a hint that she was planning to run. “Please check on Rain, because if I don’t know how she is doing, that would make me run.”
Hoku said “Mom, why do you have to get her anything? She is a grown woman, and has caused so much harm already.”
True.
I weighed whether I was enabling or not, by going out and getting these things, then made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t go overboard. That supporting her first stint at rehab was okay.
She called me several times, each time with a growing list of wants. Typical addict behaviors.
She lost her phone privileges last week, violated a rule.
The writing was on the wall.
I was still hopeful and wrote her a note yesterday and put it in a bag with a few comfort items.
“I haven’t been able to speak with my daughter over the weekend because she couldn’t use the phone.” I stammered to the rugged looking but nice reception lady.
“I don’t even know if she is still here or not....” I said.
The lady looked at me and said that she couldn’t tell me due to privacy issues. I sighed.
“Did you bring her something?” I said yes and she looked at me and shook her head no. I looked down at my feet and muttered “Oh no.” I thanked her and left, feeling kind of foolish, but reminding myself that Tornado had entered rehab already hinting at things that would “make her run.” That I had made bets with my inner naysayer voice that I would give her a week or so.
It’s been ten days.
Sigh.
“How do I tell the kids?” I thought to myself.
I wasn’t going to keep this from them. They took the news nonchalantly, granddaughter was silent, younger grandson said “All we can do is hope Tutu.” Which I thought was pretty mature. Older grandson was upset “She is so stupid.”
He, by the way is doing much better with his aunty and uncle.
So, we carry on with our lives while Tornado plays the outlaw role, bench warrant reissued.
Sigh.
I am not heartbroken. Disappointed. I know that she went to rehab not of her own accord, she was forced. I was hopeful that with time spent in jail to get clean that she might come round. Oh well. Just “another Tuesday.”
Meanwhile, I will deal with whatever backslide this may or may not trigger with her kids.
I will not be going out on a limb for “necessities”
the next round of rehab, if that day comes.
Done my part.
Lesson learned.
How I had hoped for a miracle.
Not giving up hope, just tired friends.
I am a bit worried that with months clean, she may over do her next high. There, I wrote it. I was going to delete, not wanting to admit to my catastrophic thought process, but it is the reality of the disease.
Going to give it all to God and carry on, one step at a time.
What else can I do?
Sigh.
New Leaf
